Journey to the End of the Night-Chapter 1383 - 882: Passing Through an Old Friend’s Heart

She is not afraid of waiting endlessly, nor of facing the Yellow Springs, but only fears that the fleeting moments of youth may lead to losing the entirety of this life.

"I’m sorry." As if time and space had paused for a moment, Yin Baishuang suddenly spoke softly.

Baili An was stunned for a moment, seemingly understanding her meaning, and with a bitter smile, said: "I’m the one who should say sorry, for making you wait for me for two hundred years for nothing."

Yin Baishuang’s fingers resting on his waist trembled slightly, her forehead pressed against his back, her eyes slightly red: "If I hadn’t gone to Nanze Mountain and said those words to you back then, you wouldn’t have..."

"Xiaoshuang." Baili An gently and tenderly interrupted her, seriously saying: "This is not your fault; all of this stems from my cowardice and inadequacy."

Yin Baishuang pressed her lips together and softly asked: "If you had known back then that I would wait for you for two hundred years, and even beyond that without seeing you, would you have still made the same choice?"

Baili An was silent for a moment and said: "No, I wouldn’t."

Yin Baishuang smiled sadly, her eyes suddenly feeling a bit sore: "It seems you still don’t realize how deeply I like you."

Baili An: "..."

Yin Baishuang’s fingertips resting on his waist pressed more forcefully into his skin, and her body finally could not stop trembling.

"You just asked me what I was thinking when I was about to jump into that abyss, and I said I was thinking of you.

But Xiao An, I don’t understand, back then on Nanze Mountain when you drew your sword against yourself, did you ever think of me?"

She asked softly, her smile growing more bitter: "You seem to have never thought from the beginning that after your death, I could spend hundreds or even thousands of years waiting for one person.

Perhaps you just thought I was a Cangwu Palace immortal lady, a noble, golden branch, that our brief encounter in youth was just a youthful crush.

You thought you passed through my heart, yet merely passed through, after all, feelings are easily sparked at first sight, but rare is the long-lasting companionship that follows.

I suppose until the moment you died, you were thinking that one day in the future, compared to the initial despair of not obtaining, I would eventually become peaceful and start to accept the adorable yet unattainable in life, right?"

Baili An remained silent.

Yin Baishuang’s once-bright almond eyes were now misty, with shimmering tears falling like pearls, sliding down her delicate, rain-like cheeks. 𝒻𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘸ℯ𝒷𝘯𝘰𝑣ℯ𝑙.𝘤𝑜𝘮

"But you didn’t know, you have become so significant in my heart, an unsolvable dead knot in my life.

The astonishing encounter at sixteen years old, I knew... that I had used a little manipulation, if I hadn’t voluntarily revealed my feelings, forced you to speak, perhaps even you wouldn’t have known you actually liked me.

But I also knew, your affection and mine are different, right?"

At this, Baili An’s gaze flickered twice, holding the hand on his waist, he wrapped her small hand gently yet firmly within his own.

He whispered: "When I was very young, I heard many people say I was born into the world with great expectations from others, symbolizing the long-lasting peace between the Central Netherworld and Tianxi; in the entire Mortal World, among the Four Seas and all the nations, no one could be found more exalted and noble than me.

The world said I should inherit my father’s legacy and carry forward the Heavenly Seal Sword Dao, the Hundred Immortal Sects envied me, my peers were jealous of me.

Until later, when they discovered I was merely an ordinary person, this envy and jealousy doubled, turning into ridicule and schadenfreude, everyone secretly wanted to trample on me.

My father hoped I would succeed, keeping me confined in a secluded bamboo-fenced courtyard in the name of love, left behind in an abandoned studio.

My mother wished for my safety and happiness, but people said the loving mother spoils the child, even limiting her visits to me.

In my memory, my childhood was always filled with those dull and tedious books.

I could not show too much affection for other things because if so, my father would be convinced it would lead me astray, and he would destroy the things I cherished to eliminate any threat.

Before I went down the mountain at fifteen, I never had a moment of indulgence, it felt as if my whole life was trapped in a cage.

Searching through my past life, I can’t remember if my father ever smiled at me, nor when I started getting used to being alone, slowly no longer needing him.

And in my father’s eyes, I also gradually stopped seeing any warmth, he needed a perfect son to inherit his sword dao legacy, but I was clearly not perfect, even ordinary and useless, a disappointment.

So slowly, his gaze towards me no longer seemed to look at his child, but as if he was looking at an object, a flawed stone he had to keep polishing despite exhausting all his patience.

Whatever shape or form he hoped I’d become, I should grow accordingly to his desires.

Even a slight deviation from his expectations meant I had to scrape away my ’crooked’ parts before he found out, to restore the neat image he had in mind."

"I thought my life was destined to be this way, until later when I met you, did I realize there was another way of living.

Like walking a long, long night path to see you, a beautiful process of moving from darkness to light.

Xiaoshuang, you’re right; my feelings are not the same as yours, my affection is far less pure, simple, and direct."