Craved by the Wrong Volkov-Chapter 167: The first real thing

Lucien’s POV

I didn’t get why she was apologising. I’d heard pretty words before, sweet lies people tell broken things to make them feel less jagged but hers hit differently. They slipped under my skin like something I’d been starving for without knowing it.

I cupped her cheek, my thumb brushing away the wet tracks. Seeing her cry did something unfair to my chest, a sharp little twist I wasn’t used to. "You still look pretty when you cry," I murmured, "even kinda adorable. But I prefer you don’t."

She shot me a glare that had zero heat in it, then buried her face against my shirt again. Too slow, hide it, I caught the flush climbing her cheeks.

"You’re still not off the hook, Lucien," she muttered into my chest, voice muffled. "You owe me more explanation."

I exhaled slowly. Yeah. I did. No more half-truths tonight. I pulled back just enough to see her face, keeping my hands on her waist like she’d vanish if I let go. "Ask me anything, Viper. All of it. I’m done hiding pieces." I said although I didn’t know how much I was ready to reveal myself

She searched my eyes for a second, like testing if I meant it. Her emerald eyes locked with my hazel ones. Then she nodded.

"Start from the beginning. After Alessia... What about the rest? Amber said you started chasing shadows. " I looked out over the cliff again, the city lights blurring a little. It was a cold quiet night. Just the two of us standing in the wind on the edge.

This spot might have felt romantic if not for the subtle tension between us.

My gaze turned distant as I remembered Amber’s accusations, which weren’t completely false.

I could hear Amber’s voice echoing in my mind from that night.

"I can’t watch you chase the ghost of another woman...You don’t love her Lucien. It’s all because you see another woman in her...." Amber burst out with tears streaming down her cheeks. For a moment, then I paused to wonder if that was really the case.

I wasn’t proud of the fact that Alessia influenced me so much.

I slowly drew back to the presence, to Brealyn’s question.

"I chased her ghost," I said quietly. "In every woman I touched after her. A smile that was close enough. The way someone laughed at a song. Eyes that caught the light the same way. Pathetic, right?"

Braelyn didn’t say anything, just waited. It was ridiculous how I sought something impossible. There was never going to be someone else like Alessia, and that was fine, but it didn’t mean there was no one better.

I never really got closure with Alessia. Our time felt so short but it scarred me for life.

"It never lasted. They’d fill the empty for a night, maybe a week. Then they’d see I wasn’t really there with them. And they’d leave." I shrugged, like it didn’t still burn. "I didn’t blame them."

"Elena," she said. Not a question. I had mentioned the girlfriend I claimed taught me how to cook. Actually, Alessia was the one who taught me the life skills of cooking

She was also privileged like me, but she loved two things: cooking and music. Alessia then forced Xander and me when he was around to her cooking class. Puffing around, she has to make sure her brothers can cook. She was so insistent on calling me her brother...

I wondered how funny it was when things between us changed and she was dominated by that same younger boy. The first thing that drew me to Elena was her similar habits and hair.

"Yeah. Elena." I huffed a bitter laugh. "The chef. She looked the most like Alessia, with the same soft golden blonde hair, although their eyes were different. It was the same way of humming while she cooked. I latched onto her hard. Thought if I tried enough, I’d feel something real."

I met Braelyn’s eyes again.

" She was the only shadow I actually tried with. We lasted the longest, even more than I knew Alessia, but I was a scumbag. She called me a broken fuckboy the night she left. Told me I was in love with a dead girl and she’d never be enough. She was right. I never saw Elena. Not once. Just the shadow I wanted her to be."

Braelyn’s jaw tightened. "And when she left?"

"Relief," I admitted. "Mostly. She deserved better than being a stand-in although it stung a bit. It felt like I was losing Alessia all over again. I was glad she figured it out before I dragged her down further."

She went quiet again. Then: "You have a type for chefs, don’t you?"

I frowned. "What?"

"Elena. Erica. Both chefs." Her voice was careful, too even. I smiled, knowing why, although I was a bit stunned when she mentioned Erica. "I saw you with Erica at that restaurant that day you pretended not to know me. She came up to me after. Told me to stay away from her boyfriend." She said bitterly in a failed attempt to hide the venom on her tongue.

The jealousy was there, it was hidden but undeniable. I couldn’t stop the slow grin spreading across my face. She looked adorable with that sharp look in her eyes like she wanted to destroy something. It was the gaze she unknowingly gave Amelia at times. Her emotions were a complete mess.

Braelyn glared. "What’s funny?" She spat at me. Her eyes twitched, infuriated by my smug expression.

"You," I said. "Jealousy looks cute on you. " I admitted

She froze, then blinked slowly, stunned by what she heard. Her face scrunched up, repulsed by the thought of being jealous, which held a suggestive meaning about her emotions.

She probably hasn’t realised it yet. It was slow but certain.

"I’m not...." She snapped, her cheeks were going red again. "You’re delusional."

"Sure. If you say so. Who am I to argue with my viper?" I shrugged then tugged her closer anyway. "Erica was never mine exactly. She was Killian’s fake girl. It’s a contract only, kept to preserve his perfect image. Nothing else, no feelings, no nights, nothing." I explained as clearly as I could. Still finding it amusing Erica confronted her.

She studied me. Her eyes narrowed on me looking for cracks. She didn’t find any and nodded once. Although I was certain she wasn’t completely convinced.

Then her voice dropped, barely above the wind.

"That first night we met... when you stayed with me. Was it because you saw Alessia’s shadow in me too?"

My throat closed. I let the silence sit for a beat. Then I turned fully to her, hands sliding up to frame her face.

"No." My voice came out rough.

"That night you were shattered and hurting in a way that made it impossible to walk away. Maybe part of me thought Alessia would’ve kicked my ass if I left you like that. Maybe you reminded me of how fucked up I was inside. But it wasn’t her shadow."

I brushed my thumb over her lip.

"I stayed because it was you, Braelyn. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave."

Her eyes went glassy again. "So all the others... they were just chasing her?"

"Yeah," I said. "Until you. You’re not a ghost. You’re not a replacement. You’re the first thing that’s felt real in years. Honestly, I didn’t think I would see you again after that night. All that mattered was making sure you didn’t drown in your pain that night." Something flickered across her eyes. She could not look away.

" Twisted as we are, I being your husband’s uncle, all the blood and lies between us. I wasn’t after love. Love is a bit far-fetched now, but the light seems possible..."

She stared up at me, breath shaky. "Say something, Viper."

I thought she’d pull away. She didn’t.

"You’re an idiot," she whispered. "Broken pieces like us don’t get the privilege of love but we can chase our salvation or bring everyone down with us in damnation. It is just a game I knew from the start." She hissed at me. A grin crossed my lips.

I was still caught up in the moment, amused when she rose on her toes, pulling me down on my collar and kissed me.

I froze, tasting her lips, salty from tears, but it was her. Only she could taste this good and so forbiddenly intoxicating.