The Lycan king-Chapter 126

Jax walked into the room, holding Xander who was making baby sounds at him. I watched as they interacted and smiled. It seemed like Jax had been waiting for this moment all his life. He knew what to do to take care of Xander.

"Let’s go say hi to mummy." He said as he carried him over to me. Jax placed him in my hands and I felt a sense of disconnect. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but after hearing what I did last night, I wasn’t sure if I should be left around him. "Is anything the problem?"

"What if I hurt him next time? What if I’m not fit to be his mother? I love him so much but I don’t know." I admitted and Jax sat on the bed, while I finally let go of the tears I was holding back. "I feel like I’m not good enough."

"And I’m not worthy of you." Jax whispered. "You’re not doing this alone. I’m here and if you want to stop feeding him for the meantime, it’s okay. We can get baby food. That way you just have to focus on bonding with him and I’ll deal with the diaper changes and baths." He suggested as he wiped my tears away.

"I love you more than anything in this world."

*Leonora*

We were seated in the brand new car Jax got for me. I couldn’t remember what he called it but it looked so cool. Bethany and I were seated at the back while I held Xander while Jax and Devon were at the front with Jax driving. This time around, the both of them were talking a whole lot. More than Bethany and I. They were too engrossed in their conversation to even notice us.

"So," Bethany said as she nudged my arm. "How is it being a mum?" She asked me. We hadn’t talked about everything that had happened and I knew everyone was tiptoeing around me. Nobody wanted to force it out of me and I was thankful for that.

"It’s confusing. One minute, I love it then the next it’s scary." I explained to her and she gave me a sympathetic look. I couldn’t really tell what was in her mind though but I knew she was definitely feeling pity for me. "Can we have girl’s night? Just you and me and Xander." I suggested and she nodded immediately. Xander cooed and Bethany shifted closer to me so that she could play with Xander.

"Dev and I finally talked." She whispered to me. I looked over at the guys and they still were engrossed in their conversation. It was almost seeming like an argument. "I think we’ve been trying to take it slow and also fast in a way. Couple with the fact that he’s a guard and he’s always tired whenever we get to hangout. I didn’t really take all these things into consideration."

"That’s okay. At least you both can work on it now. I really want you guys to be okay." I said and she nodded. I looked out at the window and stared at the trees and buildings.

There was definitely something wrong with me. I just felt like I wasn’t myself anymore and even if I tried, a part of me was gone. I looked down at my baby and I gave him a small smile.

He and Jax were the reason why I wanted to try my hardest. I wanted to be the perfect parent and partner to the both of them. Jax had provided a solution of me not getting too involved with Xander snd just trying to bond with him as I had been robbed of that moment from his birth but I didn’t know if I could do it.

"So first up, we are going shopping for Xander then we’ll get some food for the house." Jax announced and Devon said something back. They both continued their conversation and I felt Bethany’s hand on mine.

"You’re my sister and you can come to me for anything, including Xander." She said as she tried to take Xander from me. His eyes were closing as he was trying to sleep off. I wanted to stop her but I held myself back. I really needed help. "When he slept over, he slept for a really long time. I was a bit scared. You have an easy baby."

"I know." I said to her as she rocked Xander in her arms. "Thank you for the other night, I don’t know what came over me."

"I read about it and it’s most likely a case of ptsd bad postpartum depression." Bethany pointed out. "And that’s why I’m here for you. If you and Jax need a bit of time away from Xander, I can assist you."

The car finally came to a halt and I held my hand out for Xander. I didn’t want to leave Zander alone. I had promised him that won’t ever leave him. The door opened and I stepped out to meet Jax smiling. He closed the door and placed a hand on my back as he guided me into the store. It was a very large baby store filled with everything from toys to clothes and bed, everything.

I headed over to the clothes section and quickly picked out a few onesies, shirts and pants. Jax and Devon walked over to the other section of the store leaving Bethany and I to shop alone.

"Babe, I saw the nicest crib ever. We can attach it to our bed." Jax said as he walked quickly to us. "You have to come and check it out."

"Let’s just pick out the clothes first then we can go for the bed." I said and he nodded. "I’m mostly going for neutral shades and you can pick something that’s also big because babies grow pretty fast." I advised him and he joined me in picking up some clothes.

"Look at this cute skirt." Bethany said as she held up a skirt. "Imagine have a daughter and our children become best friends like us." She said and I smiled. It was one of our dreams. It seemed crazy but we really wanted to have a close blended family.

"What if they get married?" I suggested and Bethany squealed as I indulged in our delusion. Jax chuckled and walked away from us. He and Devon returned holding trolleys and we dumped the clothes in.

"Now we can go and look at that bed." I said and they led us to the bed section. My eyes immediately caught the sight of one bed. It was a convertible bed and it looked like it was going to last for a while. I immediately pointed at it. That was the bed I wanted. I didn’t even bother to look at the one that made Jax excited.

"I like that you’re slowly coming out of your shell." Jax whispered in my ear as a store attendant helped us to carry the box over to the counter. "You’re doing so well."

"Can we spend sometime together? Even if it’s just for an hour. I really miss you and I want to kiss you." I said and he gave me a small smile. "I want to do more than just kissing but we have to take it really slow." 𝚏𝕣𝐞𝗲𝐰𝕖𝐛𝐧𝕠𝕧𝚎𝚕.𝐜𝚘𝗺

Leonora*

I listened as everyone played with Xander, trying on all the outfits we picked. I was washing all the bottles and appliances so that I could start using them. I had fully accepted Jax’s suggestions of not feeding Xander and just tried to bond with him. If that was going to make it easier for Xander and I, then I was going to do it.

I felt arms around my waist and a head rested on my shoulder. I knew it was Jax so I didn’t bother to check. "You’re quiet."

"I’m trying to wash the bottles and everything." I said and he hummed in my ear. He lightly swayed to no music. I felt like I was a child that everyone was trying to engage and entertain. I hated what I was becoming.

"I miss you." He whispered in my ear as he kissed my cheek. "Let me help." He tried to take the bottle out of my hands but I held it firmly. I didn’t need his help and I was fine doing it. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I just want to finish up by myself." I said and I heard him sigh. He let go of me and walked over to the fridge. "How long are we staying here?"

"Maybe a week. Micah will be coming to take the bed, cart and all those things we don’t need here." Jax said as he pulled out a can of beer. He popped it open and took a sip. "Do you want some?" He asked me and I shook my head as I rinsed the bottles and the pumps.

"I’ll pump tomorrow and use formula today." I turned to him and said while he nodded. I placed the bottles on the dish rack for them to air dry. Jax watched me as I opened the cabinet and pulled out the tin can of formula. I took one bottle and poured a few spoons of formula into the bottle. "Please can you get warm water from the dispenser?" I asked Jax and he immediately took a cup and got the water and gave it back to me. I poured the water into the bottle, closing the bottle and shaking it for the everything to mix properly. "Taste it, please." I said as I passed the bottle to Jax.