Reborn To Be The Imperial Consort [BL]-Chapter 87: Zopyra — XX

"Jing’ge?"

It was a mere whisper. It was an achingly familiar voice that haunted Hu Lijing’s mind for a long time — ever since his imprisonment — initally it had been a source of comfort for him, that familiar voice.

When he found himself grappling with the darkness that threatened to swallow him whole, he would turn to thinking of his voice.

Thinking of Long ZhenHai’s voice, his gentle cadence, his carefully tone, helped bring peace to the tormented heart that was Hu Lijing’s.

However, overtime as his thoughts consumed him in the solitude, Long ZhenHai’s voice nor his thoughts brought comfort, much less peace in the cusp of a maelstrom of emotions he every so often got stuck in; his own mind and heart suffocating him with thoughts Hu Lijing would rather not ponder upon for too long.

The peace, the sense of security and comfort that the dragon’s voice once brought to Hu Lijing was gradually overshadowed by the waves of overwhelming guilt that consumed him, reeking in his heart and seeping through his every bone.

The positive feelings that Long ZhenHai’s voice, his thoughts and his memories once heralded were very quickly replaced by all the negative things that surrounded the nine-tailed fox.

The more he thought of Long ZhenHai, the longer he thought of the dragon, the more pronounced would the profound guilt of Hu Lijing’s own actions would become.

Alas, in spite of pain, in spite of all the self-hatred, heart wanted what it wanted; and in Hu Lijing’s case his heart wanted Long ZhenHai.

Nevermind the amount of pain his thought alone brought to the divine fox of flames. And as much as he tried to steer his thoughts away from the dragon of the infinite sea, the harder it became to truly ignore him.

Slowly, much to his chagrin, Hu Lijing found himself realising—no matter how much he tried, one way or the other, Long ZhenHai would somehow find a way to weasel into his tortured, bringing him more and more mental anguished on top of the physical suffering he was already going through. freewēbnoveℓ.com

Moreover, the seemingly unending solitude of his isolation, that was his prison in this diry dungeon—that reeked of death, of decay, of cadavers; that echoed with the anguished cries of those who’d been tortured and gruesomely put through hell before him.

In comparison, Hu Lijing’s isolation seemed kinder and yet so, so much worse for he was left alone with nothing but his own spiralling thoughts of the all-encompassing darkness.

No matter where his eyes flitted to only shadows were a constant.

Hu Lijing was sure that if he could see through the depths of this seemingly impenetrable wall of darkness, he would be able to see the blood, the bones, the rot and the claws; all the evidences of brutality that made this dungeon the worst of all places.

Thus, whenever he thought of that — not for the first time — Hu Lijing felt more than glad to be deprived of most of his field of, limited to nothing but a few steps away from himself.

"—Jin’ge?"

Hu Lijing kept his head bowed, teeth nibbling on his lips until he could taste the metallic tinge of blood. His blinked a few times, hands clenching on his lap as he took a deep bracing breath.

Had he started hallucinating? Had his mind finally started deteriorating to the point of no return? Had he finally succumbed to the spiralling pull of insanity?

"—Jing’ge! Please talk to me!"

The voice rose, the desperation in it palpable. Hu Lijing’s head spun, for a moment he was unable to tell if it was a mere illusion or his reality.

It was clearly Long ZhenHai. It was his voice, the nickname he addressed Hu Lijing with, there was no mistaking it.

As soon as the realisation poured into his mind, it was like a powerful slap across his face followed by a sensation akin to a cold bucket of water being thrown on him.

In an instant, Hu Lijing’s head snapped up, dim amber eyes widening dramatically as his — chewed on — lips fell open, a thin trickle of blood lining down his chin as he stared ahead, his eyes narrowing as his brows drew together whilst he tried to focus his vision, ears twitching.

This was perhaps the first time in days that he was able to hear someone’s voice instead of his own, this was the first time in days that he could hear the thump of someone’s beating heart, its tempo quick — as though ramming against their chest — the contrast almost jarring against his own slow, dull pace.

"Jing’ge?" Long ZhenHai’s voice was soft, coloured in the comforting shade of hope, it was distant. Through the darkness, Hu Lijing couldn’t quite pinpoint the exact location of the dragon’s voice. "Can you hear me?"

Hu Lijing’s breath hitched, the surreality of his situation hitting him heavily like a blow square of his chest, his heart clenched and tightened as though someone’s vice grip was squeezing it in its cage.

For a moment, Hu Lijing was afraid to hear him. For a moment, he was scared of hoping — of getting his hopes upon — only for it to come crashing down when it would turn out to be a cruel joke. A jarring play of his fatigued mind.

The next, as Long ZhenHai’s feet fell on the dirty ground, the cautious footsteps reverberating in the dark and suffocating silence, Hu Lijing snapped out of his dismal thoughts.

It was real. All too real to be a simple hallucination. Hu Lijing told himself, he hoped he was right.

"Jing’ge, please answer me." Long ZhenHai begged. It was a familiar tone too, the desperation, the choked up emotions in just those four words were rattling as much as they were a beacon of hope lighting up in Hu Lijing’s ashen heart.

Maybe, maybe he would be able to see Long ZhenHai, meet him and tell him face-to-face what sin he had committed, what sort of unforgivable wretch Hu Lijing truly was.

But as soon as Hu Lijing opened his mouth to reply, tongue darting out to lick at his lips as he dared to take a step forward — into the darkness — he froze, chains clinking at the chokehold of guilt and fear of Long ZhenHai’s hatred wrapped around his neck like a wretched noose, preventing even a single world from spilling out of his lips.

No.

No. No. No.

How could he face Long ZhenHai? How could he bring himself to speak to the man after all he had done without the former’s knowledge? How could he feel worthy to talk to him?

How dare he so much as foster the thought of it? How dare Hu Lijing forget his sins, his own transgressions and dare to face the dragon and look him in the eyes?

Hu Lijing’s hands clenched on his sides, chest heaving as all air escaped his lungs, rendering him breathless as the noose of guilt, of self-blame and derision tightened and tightened around his throat, merciless as it killed the words in his throat and forced him to swallow those on the tip of his tongue.

Stumbling back against the wall, Hu Lijing braced against it, his palm pressing against the dirty wall as his nails clawed at it, dirt and grime gathering under his nails.

As the invisible hand continued to tighten, the nine-tailed fox let out a miserable choking noise, his heart ceasing in his chest as a strangled sob left his lips when a soft sound of Long ZhenHai’s breath catching in his throat fell into his ears.

Hu Lijing turned his face away, tears welling in his eyes as the warm stream flowed down his cheeks as it pressed on the wall, the repugnant scent of it rushing up his nose.

The nine-tailed fox spirit, however, was too consumed by his whirlwind of emotions to care about the odour as he sobbed softly, trying to make himself as small as he could while trying to keep himself further back against the wall.

Slowly, he slid down against the moist wall, tears hanging down his chin as his silent sobs rose to miserable wails as he buried his face in his knees, shaking under the force of his emotions.

Hu Lijing lost control over his feelings as he wailed loudly, it was partially a desperate attempt to block out Long ZhenHai’s voice while pouring his heart out simultaneously.

"Jing’ge...! Jing’ge, please talk to me!" Long ZhenHai pleaded, his heart breaking as the sound of Hu Lijing’s wails reached his ears.

Never had he heard Hu Lijing sob as miserable and consumed by grief as this.

Long ZhenHai hated it. He hated that he couldn’t immediately rush in and pull the nine-tailed fox into his arms. He hated these bars that separated him from his beloved Jing’ge.

"Jing’ge! Jing’ge, please don’t block me out! Please don’t ignore me! Talk to me, talk to me, I beg you!" The dragon begged, gripping the bars so tightly that his knuckles turned white and he could feel the divine metal bed under his hold.

The longer Hu Lijing’s wails continued, the worse the ache in Long ZhenHai’s heart became, he could feel his throat tightening as suffocation set in, the thick, heavy lump forming in his throat increasing.

"Jing’ge...!" Long ZhenHai broke down, his own tears falling as he let out a choked sob, cool tears pouring down his cheeks as his own grief accompanied his beloved.

Slowly, he slid down, hands holding tightly on the bars as he bowed his head, raven hair flowing down, as his shoulders shook.

"Please... Please... Please... Don’t ignore me. Please, let me share your pain, Jing’ge. ZhenHai begs you."

Hu Lijing couldn’t bring himself to react coherently. He wasn’t worthy of it.

He was Long ZhenHai’s sinner, his criminal who deserved nothing but condemnation from the dragon.

Not his tears. Not his love.

Certainly not his devotion.