Reborn To Be The Imperial Consort [BL]-Chapter 176: Preening Black Dahlia — XVII

Li Xinyuan’s gut twisted into a painful knot as a bitter sense of dismay filled his lungs to the brim. It had not been the meaning of his words, spoken so thoughtlessly, he only caused Liu Mingyun to feel hurt.

He wanted nothing more than to apologize profusely, hold the Crown Prince close and tell him: those harsh words of his were rooted not in dismay but in the swamp of worry.

Even with his thoughts screaming in the silence of his mind, the surgeon drew in a deep breath, the cold air entering his lungs as he swallowed tightly around the lump sore in his throat. The words he could not bring himself to speak nigh on the tip of his tongue strangled by the tension fraught in the room.

Why did he have to open his mouth before his brain could think clearly?

Opening and closing, his lips spoke no words and throat refused to sound. Hands shaking akin to leaves in a storm, he tightened his hold on Liu Mingyun’s lukewarm hand.

Again, his breath quivered without a sound as he hunched forward, gasping for breath.

"It..." Li Xinyuan’s eyelids fluttered shut, head dipping low, raven waves of his hair sliding down. "That... My words— misguided, you are misguided, My Liege" —in the dark, his voice sounded all too thin, all too strained— "I..." Slowly, carefully, like a wounded animal, his golden eyes raised, dancing around the dark to find Liu Mingyun’s silent crimson ones.

As soon as their eyes met, overcome by shame, the surgeon looked away. "I have misspoken."

Liu Mingyun watched his betrothed flounder and stumbled upon his words in silence. Indeed, he felt great dejection when the surgeon, so coldly, asked to not be touched by him.

Yes, his heart had sank in his chest at the sudden rejection from his betrothed; now, however, he felt somewhat appeased. Xin’er, after all, disliked not his touch but something else entirely.

"Pray tell," he croaked, barely finding his voice buried under a dull wheeze, "what displeased... you so?"

In the confines of his mind unseen and far removed, the Crown Prince could not help but wince softly at the rough quality of his voice.

The sound of his voice made Li Xinyuan’s lips purse tightly, pressing into a thin line of worry. Unwittingly, a deep frown creased between his brows.

Liu Mingyun wished to reach and ease away the frown, to take away whatever the burden the former may be carrying upon his brilliant mind.

But he was certain that such an action would further provoke the surgeon’s cold ire — however small it may be — and he much rather preferred Li Xinyuan’s care to his anger.

Inhaling a shallow breath, lest the ache of his unhealed wounds flare, the Crown Prince forced himself to rein his impulses. He chose to remain quiet and observe the minute shifts in the surgeon’s tense expression.

At long last, the surgeon’s hesitant, wandering eyes fell back to Liu Mingyun’s prone form, and he heaved a sigh.

"The larger your movements, the more you risk aggravating your injuries, My Liege." He spoke slowly, but the tone of his voice seemed to suggest Liu Mingyun ought to know such a simple thing. "Anyhow, it seems to not have happened, thankfully."

His clammy hand squeezed the Crown Prince’s hand tighter, as if to ground himself and to assure himself that this all was not a distasteful joke. His breath still came in shallow, urgent inhales, heart yet to settle from the anxious rush.

Li Xinyuan’s voice remained tight even when he let out a relieved breath. Despite speaking to the Crown Prince, the surgeon could scarcely bring himself to look at him directly. His fear of the accursed scene burned in his mind.

He did not want to see Liu Mingyun bleeding out over and over. The old paranoia and fear of the previous life he had shaken off returned again.

Despite this situation being not directly by any fault of his own, Li Xinyuan felt responsible for it.

"Xin’er..." Liu Mingyun began, voice still hoarse, still fragmented, but stopped as Li Xinyuan shook his head briefly. The Crown Prince swallowed his words.

He leaned forward, gingerly, reaching to brush his trembling fingers across Liu Mingyun’s cheekbones with the Crown Prince ruby eyes following his touch. How beautiful a sight it was, to see the latter conscious. Li Xinyuan inhaled, slender fingers curling slightly against the Crown Prince’s jaw.

"I am terrified," he finally admitted out loud, other hand clasped tightly around Liu Mingyun’s as his eyelashes fluttered, "so, deathly afraid."

The surgeon paused and with it the Crown Prince’s breath lightened further, anticipating his next words.

Li Xinyuan shuddered under the weight of his clamouring thoughts, chest heaving as he leaned closer, pressing the back of Liu Mingyun’s hand against his cheek tightly.

His eyes squeezed shut as his lips parted, tears welling behind the eyelids. He didn’t know where to take this. But now that he started speaking, Li Xinyuan found he could not stop.

His chest felt too heavy and his heart too tight. It was as if his heart would burst if he didn’t talk, and once the tears began anew, they didn’t stop either.

"I have been so terribly scared only so many times, and this—" he paused, choking on his tears. Liu Mingyun’s heart squeezed tightly. "Those thoughts came over and over— you could die. What if you died? Despite being the one operating on you, these thoughts came unbidden."

Liu Mingyun’s lips pursed, pain searing through him like a hot brand. Although slowly, he could feel some of his strength returning.

Thus, carefully, he squeezed Li Xinyuan’s hand, rubbing his fingers against the surgeon’s skin, filled with the longing to hold him in his arms.

But at this moment, he could hardly take the liberty to move and was hardly able to do much to comfort his betrothed. Lying on the bed, faced with one weeping Li Xinyuan, Liu Mingyun felt a cold, almost cruel, realisation dawn upon himself.

He could say a thousand words of political relevance, of strategy, but he could not bring himself to say a single word of comfort.

The surgeon continued talking, words leaving his lips in a dizzying rush.

"I cannot lose you. I cannot— I just—"

Liu Mingyun’s heart warmed till it felt like it would burst out of his chest. However, as soon as it soared up, it fell upon the haunted look on Li Xinyuan’s face. It was so frighteningly pale, as if he was reliving the worst of his memories.

And Liu Mingyun could see him descending into a downward spiral.

The sight made his heart clench tight in his chest, any fraction of warmth he may have felt gone to the wind as he drew in a sharp breath. The longer Li Xinyuan’s haunted silence stretched, the more Liu Mingyun saw him slipping away.

It was abrupt, for the Crown Prince had such little time to think in the urgency of Li Xinyuan’s state, that he shot upright. Ignoring all the pain plaguing his body, Liu Mingyun all but pulled the surgeon towards himself.

The moment Li Xinyuan toppled into his arms, trembling ever so slightly, before Liu Mingyun could rethink his actions, he cupped his pale face and pressed his lips against Li Xinyuan’s, wrapping his aching arms around the latter’s as he did so.

When he felt the surgeon flinch in his arms, Liu Mingyun snapped his eyes shut, fearing Li Xinyuan’s reaction. While the surgeon was still in shock from his actions — thankfully out of the spiral — Liu Mingyun tentatively moved his lips, clumsy and unsure but firm.

Li Xinyuan’s eyes were wide in bewilderment at the sudden kiss he was pulled into by the Crown Prince, breath faltering in his lungs as he stiffened. One moment, he was reliving one of his worst memories, and the next he was being kissed.

A belated startled noise tore out of his lips as he melted against Liu Mingyun when the latter moved his lips. Slowly, his eyes fluttered shut and he kissed back, hands finding their way to the Crown Prince’s white locks.

The veil of the night amplified the sound of their heavy breaths and the hammering noise of their racing hearts. Li Xinyuan could feel the vibrations of Liu Mingyun’s heart against his own. Their kiss deepened, clumsy but no longer as hesitant.

When he felt the wetness of the Crown Prince’s tongue swipe against his lips, asking for entrance, Li Xinyuan opened his mouth without a second thought.

By the time they parted, a thin string of saliva was still connecting their swollen lips, the surgeon was out of breath, his chest too full of warmth of love.

"Gods... I love you." 𝗳𝚛𝗲𝕖𝚠𝚎𝚋𝗻𝗼𝕧𝗲𝐥.𝚌𝚘𝐦

Without preamble, those words rushed out of his mouth, hoarse and breathless but entirely too true. He heard Liu Mingyun’s panting breath hitch at the confession.

Then silence.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Author has something to say:

Bamboo: Andd, finally they kiss!!

Liu Mingyun (wincing in painfully): My body... hurts...

Li Xinyuan (alarmed): Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Bamboo (dancing): so much for kissing lalalala~