Craved by the Wrong Volkov-Chapter 180: Avelina’s diary

Braelyn’s POV

I was nervous about what I would find out in the dairy. It was dark, the large full-length windows that illuminated the room viewing over the busy city

I sat on the bed, legs crossed, staring at the diary, hesitating whether to open it or not. The bedside lamp was lit, casting a shadow on me.

I still haven’t processed what I discovered earlier, the fact that my mother was involved in Lucien’s mother’s death.

After a long moment of hesitation, I flipped the page open. Despite my hesitation, I still wanted to find out the truth.

My eyes followed the line reading it with complex emotions. After Nadia’s death, Mum slowly started to lose her mind. She woke up so many nights crying haunted by Nadia. The incident continued playing in her mind when she was asleep like a broken record

Nadia’s ghost wouldn’t let her be. Mum kept a detailed record of everything, although some pages were missing and others contained random notes. Some pages stuck to me, I really couldn’t brush them off

********

October 9th 1998

Avelina

It has been a year now since the incident, and it can’t be hidden anymore. Dominic said I was crying last night. He is slowly losing his patience.

I finally opened up about the dreams and everything. He was stunned and just held, telling me it was going to be alright, but I doubt things will ever go back to the same again. I was a murderer.

*******

November 17 1998

Dominic suggested I go for therapy today. I knew he was slowly finding me unbearable, I was losing my mind. Everyone said it was just an accident I shouldn’t think about it

But how can I just forget like that? Nadia came to my dreams again. There was something weird about the way she stared at me.

She said we will pay for what we did. At this point, I didn’t know if it was my mind messing with me or her ghost was truly tormenting me

Worse, I saw him today. The boy she left behind. Katerina isn’t good to him. I would not blame her considering the circumstances of things but that boy was innocent

Lucien was staring at me, it was as if he knew the truth. His gaze didn’t leave me but it was impossible he knew. Lucien was just a baby then

I think I am losing my mind.

Avelina

******

December 23 1998

Therapy failed, and I can’t talk about it.

How was I going to tell someone else that I committed murder?

Why was I the only one being plagued by this? Katerina was okay, if not, she was happier with Nadia gone.

I just didn’t understand why I was the only one suffering this. What if Dominic can’t stand me anymore and decides to have a mistress?

After all, I am already 46 and haven’t been able to bear a child. The doctor suggested we should try an IVF treatment. Dominic refused the idea because of how painful the egg withdrawal was going to be

Had he given up on me or just couldn’t bear to see me in pain? I have these questions but I am too scared to ask them

I saw him staring at Gregor’s grandson Raphael yesterday. He had that look of longing in his gaze. He wants a child, but why isn’t he agreeing to do the procedure?

I don’t want to listen to my internal thoughts which are screaming he might have a secret family somewhere. I can’t afford to lose him

No matter what, I must have a child. It isn’t too late, I am in my late 40’s and still ovulating.

What should I do because I am confused?

Avelina

*******

January 4th 1999

Dominic finally agreed to the IVF. So far, the treatment has been going well. It will be a long, painful process, but it will be worth it in the end.

I am happy. His family called on New Year’s, although he didn’t know I was listening to the phone call, I heard it all. They are still against us.

He is the elder son of his family. They can’t afford him being childless. They want him to leave me. After all, there is no need to cling to a barren woman like me.

A child will fix all our problems.

Nadia hasn’t appeared in my dreams lately, maybe she has forgiven me.

Fingers crossed.

Avelina

******

March 6th 1999

Nadia wouldn’t let me go. I warned Dominic but he didn’t believe me. She came to my dreams last night and tragedy struck again.

None of the IVF eggs worked. After all the treatments and injections, there was not even a single healthy embryo.

I am so sorry, if this is my punishment for my sins. Nadia please have mercy. I am sorry. If I could confess, I would’ve already, but I can’t, since so many things are involved.

What am I going to do now? Without a baby, I might really lose everything. Why was life being so cruel because of one accident?

Dominic held me until I cried my heart out. He promised he would stay with me to the end, but I can’t believe him. His words feel hollow

Rumours are getting nasty, they say I ruined him. Falling in love with me was his biggest mistake

******

June 27 1999

I think Gregor is hiding something. He and Dominic were having a secret conversation in the study.

I overheard something about Nadia and her son Lucien. They said my life was in danger. I tried asking Dominic about it but he refused to speak about it. Maybe I am just overthinking but he is hiding things from me.

I think Dominic might have a mistress. He is pretty close to his new secretary. I don’t want to accuse him because he has been so good to me.

I might just be imagining things, but if Gregor betrayed Katerina, who had children for him. what were the chances Dominic wouldn’t do the same?

It feels like my life is falling apart.

******

July 4th 1999

We fought today. It was the most painful fight Dominic and I had had in ages. He met his mother today.

I was scared he was finally going to leave a broken woman like me. There was no way he wasn’t getting sick of coaxing me during my breakdowns

He finally spoke up and I can’t stop crying. Dominic really cut ties with his family for good this time. He gave up on all his inheritance because of me.

I can’t believe he actually loves me this much. He truly wasn’t having an affair and promised to get rid of the secretary.

I really can’t stop crying. How could he love me this much?

Avelina