You said you hated men, why are your eyes now full of love?-Chapter 91 - The Disease Called Love

It is nighttime.

Neon lights illuminate the street.

The girl who usually greets customers with a smile while working part-time at the milk tea shop seems a bit distracted tonight.

Although her hands continue to move, her beautiful eyes stare blankly into the distance. A colleague's reminder brings her back to reality. She finishes packaging the order and hands it to the waiting customer.

"Little Ruan, what's wrong? You've been out of it all day."

Noticing her unusual state, the female store manager approaches with concern. "Did you have a fight with your boyfriend?" she asks.

Ruan Qingqing was momentarily stunned, then sadly shook her head. "No, it's not that."

We don't even count as boyfriend and girlfriend.

The store manager, having experienced similar situations herself, could infer some details from the girl's few words.

She sighed and gently patted the girl on the head. "Let's call it a day for work. Go home and rest well. I won't dock your hours."

"Huh?"

"It's okay," the store manager said softly. "Don't overthink it. Many things can't be forced. If it's meant to be yours, it will be eventually."

Ruan Qingqing was stunned and speechless by the heartfelt words that flowed into her ears.

After changing her clothes, she walked alone toward the bus stop.

Children ran around, chirping like sparrows by the roadside, filled with joy.

Their parents followed behind, smiling and occasionally gently scolding their children for picking up something dirty from the ground.

It was ordinary yet happy.

She felt a bit dazed. ƒreewebɳovel.com

But this simple, ordinary happiness was something she could only long for and never attain.

She felt like ashes separated from the fire, deprived of warmth and unable to blend in again.

She seemed so out of place.

Under the moonlight, her shadow stretched long. As she walked, streetlights cast her shadow at varying lengths and distances.

In the distance, a bus followed its predetermined route, slowly approaching the station and eventually stopping.

She boarded the bus and chose a window seat.

Silently, she gazed at the bustling traffic outside.

Skyscraper outlines loomed faintly in the night while pedestrians brushed past each other on the roads, their shadows lengthening and shortening under the streetlights.

She became a quiet observer, silently watching. The colorful neon lights flickered across her face by the window, turning her pure, delicate features into a lifeless visage.

Since childhood, she believed herself to be coldhearted.

She lacked empathy; even when she encountered elderly beggars on the roadside, she felt nothing.

Over time, this realization made her fearful. She didn't want to be an outcast, so she desperately tried to fit in.

Maybe if she had received recognition and formed deeper emotional connections, she wouldn't have remained unaffected by others' joys and sorrows.

But all her efforts resulted in the indifference of those around her. Day after day, she was bullied and targeted.

The girl couldn't understand what she had done wrong.

She just wanted to live a normal, happy life like everyone else: to make friends in class, walk to school with them, and plan outings during holidays.

That was all… only that much.

Could this be the punishment that heaven had bestowed upon her?

Fate was indeed unpredictable.

The harder she tried to avoid becoming an outcast, the more she ended up living as one.

From then on, she became self-conscious, timid, submissive, and afraid to say no to others.

"Mu Mu..."

Her fingers brushed against the windowsill, leaving traces that appeared and faded on the transparent barrier. She felt the coldness transmitted through her fingertips.

Her beating heart seemed to gradually lose its warmth.

It was Ji Mu who told her not to be bound by worldly views.

He taught her to be brave and regain her confidence.

He helped her escape the shadows of her past and rediscover herself.

His appearance became a true beacon of light.

He redeemed her oppressed soul, brightened her colorless days, and touched her parched heart.

Reminiscence of their time together made Ruan Qingqing fall into a reverie.

She couldn't learn to be an indifferent adult.

Kindness could be given to anyone, but affection and love could not.

For Ji Mu, she was willing to be an outcast.

She only wished to keep this light by her side forever.

But why?

"Shouldn't you be reluctant to break up with her?"

"What's there to be reluctant about?"

The vivid conversation turned into a sharp knife that stabbed her bleeding heart deeply. With each heartbeat, the wound tugged, causing unbearable pain that made it hard to breathe.

Ji Mu... I know you care about me, but your care is too little...too little.

The moon belonged to everyone. She was just fortunate enough to receive a fleeting beam of its silver light.

With each tick of the second hand, time slipped inevitably through her fingers.

Ruan Qingqing bit her lip, her shoulders trembling uncontrollably.

"Mu Mu..."

I really love you. I just want to hold on to you.

I'm reluctant because I can't see you every minute and second.

I fall into a whirlpool of pain because I can't control my delusional thoughts.

The girl had always been clear about her feelings for Ji Mu.

Just as her past-life soul had said, she was a complete failure.

Fearing rejection and estrangement if she confessed her feelings, she could only constantly suppress them, seeking brief solace and release each night while hiding in a dark corner and thinking of him.

When she heard the boy say he was leaving Tianhua City, she fled in embarrassment.

She didn't have the courage to step forward and talk to him.

"You can't stop someone from going to a better place."

He was so exceptional that he was destined to shine on a stage that suited him. How could he be willing to stay in a small city for her and be the subject of gossip for a lifetime?

She lowered her gloomy eyes. The taste of blood from her bitten lip spread in her mouth.

She knew she should send him off with blessings.

But if your existence was destined to leave, then why did you appear?

Why did you come to provoke me? To help me? To be gentle with me?

Couldn't you just leave me to rot in the darkest, dampest corner of this city forever?

The dim, old lights inside the bus swayed with the vehicle's bumps, casting mottled shadows.

She would never get what she wanted if she didn't pursue it. One day, the azure sky would also pollute the coastline.

She thought to herself, "I will imprison Ji Mu and lock him away so that the only thing he can see is me."

She would kiss his lips, strip him, and defile his body.

She would possess the young man forcefully and incessantly.

These obsessive and frantic thoughts surged uncontrollably, overwhelming her mind.

It was as if the rational world had collapsed in an instant. Like in ancient times when the pillar of heaven broke, chaos ensued. The ground sank into darkness and the rivers raged wildly.

"Mu Mu..."

Fingers brushed against the window, slowly and despairingly writing the boy's name.

Tears welled up at the corners of her eyes, unnoticed even by herself.

How terrifying...

Ruan Qingqing, why have you become so terrifying?

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