To Byul (Omegaverse)-Chapter 79: But I really want to know

"Ha, as if you knew what I had to go through." Chin-hwa hissed. "You weren't here to see how I was doing, so you have no idea how much I suffered because of your sudden absence."

"But wouldn't that be better than knowing that I was on the verge of death?" Kang-woo suddenly asked and Chin-hwa's eyes widened.

"What... What did you say?"

Kang-woo shut his mouth right away. He shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have revealed anything. Now, Chin-hwa would get even more curious.

But... He just couldn't stand it that Chin-hwa was so oblivious when being oblivious was actually for the best.

He sighed and turned his head away.

"It's nothing, I should get going." He lost his mind for a moment and spoke out of turn. Saying this would only make matters worse because Chin-hwa...

"And you expect me to ignore what I just heard?" Chin-hwa asked, causing Kang-woo to shut his eyes.

He knew that was going to be the outcome, no matter what he said afterward.

It was supposed to remain a secret. A dead secret. So, why did he go ahead and let it slip?

"Hwa, you're better off not knowing the details." Kang-woo said but Chin-hwa caught his arm.

"That's for me to decide." He said. "Whether I'm better off not knowing or better knowing, it's for me to decide."

"And I, who knows it, say you're better off not knowing." He said. "What would you have me do if you crumble at the truth? How do you think I would feel if the long-time secret that I've kept for your own good ends up breaking you right in front of me because I gave in to your stubbornness?"

Kang-woo grabbed Chin-hwa's arms.

"Hwa, I care about you so much that I played this scenario in my head over and over again and each time, you were left with an expression far broken than you have ever been. To me, this secret is nothing more than a deadly occurrence in my life, but to you... It's a news that could break you. So, I'm sorry. But I can not tell you about it. Not now, at least." He let go and sighed.

"But..."

"Chin-hwa," Ji-hoo called and his voice was finally heard. "I don't think you should ask any further. He won't answer you."

"But, I really want to know..." Chin-hwa pursed his lips, his expression looking so desperate that one could tell he wasn't thinking with reason.

Ji-hoo approached him, placed his hand on his shoulder, and said,

"I'll take you home. So, come on."

Chin-hwa was reluctant. He finally had a lead. He finally had a lead as to Kang-woo, as well as everyone else, had been hiding from him for three, no, four long years. And yet... He had to stop here since Kang-woo would say no more.

He dropped his gaze and nodded.

"Alright, let's go." He said.

"Wait," Kang-woo stopped them and they raised their heads to find him stretching the score towards him. "Please, take it."

"I... Don't want it." Chin-hwa said and turned around, holding Ji-hoo's hand. "Let's go... Ji-hoo."

Kang-woo watched them leave, his eyes particularly focused on their hands. He squinted his eyes till it was almost fully closed but then shut it and sighed.

"I feel I've gone mad." He muttered to himself and looked at the score with Chin-hwa's name on top.

Maybe this was a good thing. He didn't have a copy of the score yet, so he would make a copy of it and hand the original to Chin-Hwa when they met at his family house.

Chin-hwa and Ji-hoo walked for a while until Ji-hoo asked,

"I know you're not okay but do you really plan to keep going like this?"

"Why did you interrupt, Ji-hoo?" Chin-hwa asked, finally coming to a stop. "If I had pressed further, he might have--"

"You would've only gotten yourself hurt." Ji-hoo intercepted. "You think just by forcing the questions on him, you'll get answers. But if you think carefully, he's already given you as much as he can give. The rest... He can't give to you. Not yet, according to what he said."

Chin-hwa bowed his head, gripping the hand of his bag tightly.

"He cares for you and hates that you think that he thought lightly of your friendship together, that was why he made a slip of his intentions of keeping the truth hidden." Ji-hoo explained. "Just one more time, Chin-hwa. One more time. Ask your family and give them a hint that you know, maybe they will give you one more hint to fit the puzzle. But if they don't..." He wrapped his arms around Chin-hwa, knowing he was crying again. "...you'll have no choice but to wait for Kang-woo to open up completely about what happened. So, till then, please remain strong."

Chin-hwa cried.

"He's a good guy with good intentions. He's your best friend, you know him better than anyone, so trust him, Chin-hwa. Just trust him."

"I understand." Chin-hwa said, sniffing as he held on to Ji-hoo.

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That evening, Chin-hwa got lost in thoughts, reminiscing on Kang-woo's words.

If he was on the verge of death, did that mean his life was in danger? Was someone threatening him? Or was he sick?

But he looked fine when he went to his house that night. He only acted a bit indifferent, trying to chase him back but he was okay.

Or... Was he too brokenhearted to see what was actually in front of him?

He grabbed his head as he lowered it to touch his knees. He felt like a fool for not being level-headed most of the time and letting his emotions get the better of him.

"I was definitely missing something." He said to himself. "I was missing the whole picture."

That night, he decided to search for chronic illnesses that could take a life. But then he paused, his heart suddenly racing in fear.

What if Kang-woo had indeed been battling a chronic illness and kept it from him so he wouldn't worry and wouldn't think the worst?

His heartbeat kept increasing.

If that was the case if Kang-woo's life had been in danger... What would he have done? He might've actually gone mad, thinking Kang-woo was going to die.

But in this age and time, they were cures for most incurable diseases, right? Even chronic diseases were being treated in a few years and the patients sound be healed.

(Note: This novel timeline is taking place in 2045. No futuristic stuff since I don't plan on writing sci-fi, but that's the time frame that we're dealing with, so the technology is a lot more improved than right now. A lot of chronic illnesses that are deemed incurable right now actually have a cure in 20 years, got it?)

And yet... What if Kang-woo had been inflicted by one of those diseases whose cure had not been found yet?

He was losing his mind.

(This was what they were trying to avoid by keeping you in the dark, you dummy)

"Is Kang-woo okay? Is he still sick? Oh no, is his life still in danger? What's going to happen to him?" The questions kept swirling, and his eyes shrunk, scared of the worst possible outcome.

He wasn't even sure if Kang-woo had been sick since he was also so healthy, and he came back healthy as well. So, what was all the fuss about?

Just thinking of the possibility was what drove him to the pits, so, what if it had been something worse than that?

How did he never think of these possibilities when Kang-woo left without a word. He was the worst. Knowing he would worry to death, Kang-woo had everyone keep it a secret, right?

And now, he was on to that secret.

"I..." Tears slid down his cheeks. "I don't think I want to know anymore." He said.

If his thoughts and speculations that were making him go crazy happened to be confirmed, he would never forgive himself. He would never be able to face Kang-woo without his thoughts roaming about how much of a bad friend he was.

His best friend was fighting for his life while he cried for the love he never got to share with him, blaming him for his heartache. He clenched his teeth and squeezed his chest.

"I feel so horrible. I could... Ngh... I could never forgive myself."

Chin-hwa cried for hours, only to end up sleeping on the floor. And then, the next morning, someone opened his door and walked in, only to find him sleeping on the ground with swollen eyes and puffy cheeks.

There were even dried tears on the rug and traces on his face.

He gritted his teeth as he asked,

"Who dared to make my cute little brother cry?" It was Deok-ryu, on his errand to get Chin-hwa home.

He looked completely pissed, seeing Chin-Hwa in that situation, and clenched his fists, his expression contorting in rage.

"I'd like to know just what kind of bastard dared to--" he paused as his eyes fell on the open laptop on the table in from of Chin-hwa.

The screen was off but it was just on sleep mode, so he woke it up, only to find searches of chronic illnesses pasted on his browser.

His eyebrows furrowed, his forehead creased, and he looked down at Chin-Hwa, guessing what might've happened.

"This... is not good."