The Lycan king-Chapter 93

*Leonora*

This was wrong. I felt disgusted and for the first time I couldn’t even look at Jax. Not when he was lying beside me and taking deep breaths while I was staring at the ceiling. A tear rolled out from my eyes and I clutched the sheets close to my chest.

Isn’t this what I wanted?

I chose to be with him not caring about the consequences. I chose to be with him even after he had continuously hurt me. I chose to be with him even after he told me that I was born to be his slave.

"...The only thing you can ever offer me is your body..." Those words were still fresh in my mind. I knew my emotions were heightened because of the pregnancy but Jax had cause more than enough damage to ruin me. He had picked me up, broken me till I was low, held me and mended the broken pieces then turned around to shatter me. I was shattered. Not broken. Broken meant that I could be fixed. I could be mended but I was shattered like an egg falling off the roof of a building. Nothing could fix me.

I wish I had just listened to all he had told me then. I wish I had believed all those words he hurled at me. My naive mind told me he didn’t mean it. How could he mean it when he was almost very close to kissing me?

I was fooled and I couldn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t ruin the little pride I had left. I could walk into a room and people would bow because I was Jax’s mate. Because I belonged to Jax. I was an object he bought but he actually never paid for it. He had taken everything that belonged to me. My sense of belonging, my safety, my trust, my hope, my best friend. He had taken everything from me but not one thing had he given me back. Even if he did give me something, there were conditions. I had to be his object. I was just another plaything that he could discard when he pleased.

"Leo." He called and I turned over to the other side. I didn’t want to make eye contact with him. I didn’t want us to talk. There was nothing worth saving anymore but the way he called my name- Leo. The nickname he had given me. The way he called it sent my heart on a roller coaster ride. My heart pounded against my rib cage threatening to burst out. I felt so much for this man that even after he had repeatedly hurt me, my heart could go on a frenzy because he called my name.

"Leonora." He called again and this time I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Are you crying?" He asked as I sniffled. There was no way he could see me as I had asked for the light to be off. I was no slowly finding solace in the darkness. It was starting to feel like home.

"No." I forced out as I wiped my eyes. I shrugged his hand off my body as I slid out of the bed. I quickly picked up my shorts and the baggy shirt I had worn earlier. I threw it on and went to the bathroom.

"Leonora." He called again and I sighed as I stared at the mirror. I couldn’t really see my self but I could see my silhouette. I looked like a bird had created a nest on my head. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to tame the beat.

The door opened and Jax walked inside. He stood behind me in the mirror and there was silence. I didn’t know what to tell him and I knew whatever I would say might anger him. He held out his hand causing my breath to hitch. He picked up a rope and pulled it causing the bathroom to light up. His eyes were fixed on my face in the mirror.

"I knew it." He whispered to himself. "Do you hate sex with me that much?" He asked me and I shook my head. "Or you hate being around me?"

"Jax please." I begged not sure what I was begging for.

"Then tell me what’s going on? You have never cried after sex before. It’s weird. Was it that good?" He asked me and I nodded. I knew I should not lie to him but I didn’t really have a choice. I wasn’t ready to tell him about our baby. I wasn’t ready to tell the council. I wanted to cherish the little moments I had until I’ll be put on a pedestal and probed and prodded.

"Nothing is good. How do you expect me to enjoy it when you’re only having sex with me just to make a baby?" I asked him. "It was a special thing for us so excuse me if I’m mourning."

"I didn’t think of that." He mentioned and I nodded. Of course he wouldn’t think of it. Jax never really thought of anything besides himself.

"Can you just give me some space?" I asked and I watched as his shoulders dropped.

"I know things aren’t the way it used to be but I would really like if we were cordial at least. I still miss talking to you." He said in a low tone as if he didn’t want me to hear him but I did. I walked out of the bathroom and he followed after me.

"I can’t forget everything and I do not want to forget. There is nothing." I paused and turned to look at him. "There is nothing between us. I’m only here to fulfill my obligations to you and your council."

And with that I walked away. The past few months of bliss felt like distance memories. So distant that I almost believed I wasn’t the one that experienced any of it. 𝘧𝘳𝘦ℯ𝓌𝘦𝒷𝘯𝑜𝑣𝘦𝓁.𝒸𝘰𝓂

How can it be me?