The Last Experience Point-Chapter 179: Guilt

Chapter 179: Guilt

The sky was clear, the sun was still shining brightly, and it would continue to do so for at least another three hours. Wiping a glob of sweat away from his face, Zach tried not to appear as overly impatient or rude, but it was difficult. Right now, there was a lot going on, and to be honest, it was kind of overwhelming.

As Zach eyed the mounds of loot and treasure, which sat at the bottom of the several-mile-long, spiral-shaped “trench” he’d blasted into the terrain with his ring, the adventurers, along with Fiona Darkmae and her guild, were crowding around him and Jimmy, encircling them and shouting out questions, encouragement, and many other things, only some of which Zach could actually make out.

“You did great!” Fiona said to him, her voice filled with enthusiasm. “Now we can rebuild the roads and the market square just like it was before.”

Although Zach had mostly been ignoring everyone for the past few minutes, what Fiona said to him stood out. He turned his head in her direction. “Wait, seriously? But what about when that thing spawns again? Maybe it’s not the best idea to build the market on a boss spawn, especially now that you know it’s there.”

She shrugged. “Yah, well, there’s no record of that boss in any of the guild archives, and those go back over 800 years, so…so yeah, we’ll document its existence and worry about it 800 years from now.”

Zach sighed. “That’s probably what the people in Den of Ziragoth figured, too. And it’s what they’re planning on doing again.”

Kal, who was holding his arm, squeezed a bit more tightly, though not enough to be painful. “That’s their home, Zach. Umm, you’re being really insensitive.”

I better not start this argument up again.

Zach—and incidentally, most of North Bastia—all had varying opinions about the Den of Ziragoth, as it was now a political and social issue in addition to a practical one. Many people, such as most of those who lived in Whispery Woods, felt very strongly that it should be rebuilt, but North Bastians everywhere else were opposed. Zach was in the latter camp. He just didn’t think it was all that smart to kick the can a thousand years—or however many—down the road, because people tended to forget things, and things tended to get erased with time. Next thing you knew, the tragedy was happening all over again.

Kalana, however, fully believed in restoring the town and making the citizens there whole. Fylwen did as well. In fact, in her very first address upon claiming the region of Whispery Woods, she promised to make rebuilding the town and helping the people her top priority. Kalana also planned to visit there next week, and she wanted Zach to go with her, too. Zach still did not know how to tell her the truth: that he actually couldn’t.

I’m not ready.

For all the progress he’d made, there were still some things he just knew he couldn’t do, and revisiting that place…the idea of it filled him with terror. Even thinking about it too deeply risked bringing back the “shakes” and the “jitters.”

Zach cupped and rubbed his jaw as he tried to pull his mind away from Den of Ziragoth. He turned his head to look at Fiona, the beautiful, enchanting leader of Children of Order, as she began mingling with the adventurers, who despite strongly disliking political guild people, seemed to find a soft spot for her. Whether that was due to her outrageously good looks, her major celebrity status, or simply her youthful spirit, Zach did not know. He didn’t care, either. He was too exhausted to care—but not too exhausted for loot.

“Jimmy,” he said, “let’s do the—”

“Jimmy!” Donovan’s voice shouted. It was loud enough that it made Zach’s impossible to hear. “Why’s this Gods-damned debuff still active? I thought you said it wasn’t gonna be permanent.”

“It’s not,” Jimmy said.

The two of them were clearly referring to Curse of the Void, which claimed to permanently decrease their armor and magic resistance. Zach had forgotten all about that. His body gave a slight shudder at the thought of having to deal with it forever.

As the other adventurers and political guild members were reminded of the raid-wide curse, a fair bit of the cheer and celebratory atmosphere gave way to something a little more steeped in panic, and this was particularly the case for the tanks, who had the most to lose.

“It sure seems permanent,” Maric said.

“It won’t be.”

Donovan grunted. “Then why’s it still active? Kiddo, we better not be fucked for life.”

“Nah, no way,” Jimmy said confidently. “I’m sure we’ll figure this shit out when we start sorting through the loot. Ya’ll need to chill. All of you do. Seriously, stop coming up to me and freaking out about the debuff. I promise you they not gonna do us like that.”

“Who isn’t?” Fiona asked. “Who is ‘they,’ and what won’t ‘they’ do?”

Jimmy looked frustrated, but so too did Donovan. “The Great Ones,” Jimmy answered after pausing for a moment as if to think. “The people who coded this g—ugh, I mean, the Elvish sorcerers who created this planet.” freёwebnoѵel.com

Fiona’s expression became deeply contemplative but also a touch uneasy, and for that, Zach couldn’t really blame her. For starters, the political guilds only even discovered the existence of the Great Ones a few weeks ago—something that was actually his fault—and now, one of them, Eilea Vayra, had returned in the flesh, another thing that was his fault and a fact that still had not been made public nor would it likely be any time soon.

From what Zach had heard, the high-ranking members of the political guilds had expressed skepticism, doubt, and distrust when Fylwen had invited them over to Elendroth to meet her, and for this reason, aside from Fiona Darkmae of Children of Order, no other guild had dispatched anyone higher than 5th ranked to meet the Elvish Great One. Although, this, to be fair, had also been due to the nuclear weapon, which until just a few hours ago, had been the sole focus of everyone’s attention.

At any rate, the officers from the various guilds who had actually been sent were very quickly convinced that not only were the Great Ones real and not just an adventurer myth, but also, that Eilea was genuinely one of them. And this, supposedly, Eilea had done by actually proving it to them. Zach wished he had been there to see the look on their faces.

Not long after Zach left with Jimmy to Trials of Nolak, Eilea had invited all the visitors from the political guilds to join a battlegroup with her—or at least that was what Kal said happened, and he had no reason to doubt her. Anyways, upon joining this battlegroup, she had shown that she, unlike every other person in the entire world, had absolutely no level: none. She was like an Earth person from Jimmy’s time. This actually surprised Zach, too, because even he didn’t know this. He’d always just assumed the Great Ones were, like, super high level. But nope. They weren’t any level at all. And Kal said this blew the minds of the political guild members, and so did what she showed them next.

I really have to ask Eilea to show me it too when I see her later.

Apparently, after wowing everyone with the fact that she had no level, Eilea had made her own name appear above her head in really large purple lettering, and it had read: “[MOD] Eilea Vayra: Community Manager.”

This, according to Kal, had stunned everyone on the island including Kalana herself, the political guild members, the visiting adventurers, Fluffles, and even all the other Elves. It had even stunned Zach just in hearing about it. The only person it seemingly did not affect was Jimmy, who had actually sniffed his nose dismissively while muttering, “I can’t stand the mods” like he actually knew what a “mod” was or what it stood for.

Actually, that all led back to why Zach could totally empathize with the unease he now saw written on the face of Fiona Darkmae. Because she, like the rest of the political guilds, had just had their entire understanding of the world and of reality challenged, and Eilea had reportedly refused to answer a single question such as: “Why did you make the world this way?” Or: “What is your plan for us?”

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Supposedly, the only thing Eilea would actually say was that she was neutral to all conflicts and all people’s, and that she could not interfere in their day to day lives or provide any knowledge.

Because Adamus won’t let her, Zach thought, knowing full well exactly why that was. If she could get away with it, she’d tell them everything.

Her brow furrowing somewhat, Fiona threw up her shoulders and said, “If you say so, Jimmy.”

“I do. The debuff ain’t gonna be forever. If it is, I’ll eat my own shoes.”

Donovan narrowed his eyes for just a moment, but then his face softened, and he gave Jimmy a painful-looking pat on the back. “Yeah, all right.”

What amazed Zach was how not upset the adventurers were with Jimmy for almost killing them all. To the contrary, they were extremely pleased, jovial, and full of joy and celebration. On the one hand, this was really good, because the last thing Zach wanted was for him to go through another alcohol-induced meltdown while he drowned in his sorrows at a pub somewhere. But on the other hand, it really was kind of crazy how Jimmy had actually been right.

Earlier, when everyone had wanted to retreat, he’d essentially told the raid that they’d be happy he made them go through with it once they’d succeeded, and for the most part, that was exactly what happened. In fact, Aside from Kalana, Zach was probably the only person right now who still would have preferred to go back to Elendroth and sleep rather than endure all this crap. Because honestly? Full transparency? Zach just killed a whole lot of people last night, and he really didn’t need this stress right now. He’d been through a lot since early yesterday evening, and not even the possibility of winning a piece of rare loot was enough to change that.

It helps, though, he thought greedily. He almost snickered to himself, too. But then his mood dropped, and it did so suddenly, drastically, and with such unexpected force that it actually terrified him.

I really did kill so many people, and a lot of them were my age.

Zach fought to hold in any further thoughts about what he’d done. He wanted to be happy for Jimmy. Not that Jimmy needed any more cheerleading. Because as far as all the other adventurers were concerned, they were literally thanking Jimmy for “pushing them” to go through with the raid. Zach observed as Spider, the shredded, dark, powerfully built second-in-command of the GSG approached Jimmy to shake his hand, and now the two of them were laughing together. “Son, you did good. What a hell of a raid. You’re a natural leader, and we’re all grateful you yanked us out of our comfort zone. We needed that.”

“Hell yeah,” Donovan added. “We just took down the trickiest boss of our lives. Don’t know about ‘strongest,’ but the fucker sure was a pain in the ass.”

Jimmy nodded. “I wasn’t around for Ziragoth, but from what I hear, the dragon was quite a bit stronger than the mare in terms of pure stats and level. But the horse definitely had a lot of shit up its sleeve that the dragon didn’t.”

“It sure did,” Donovan agreed with a laugh.

Zach rolled his eyes as the adventurers merrily addressed Jimmy as well as himself, with many wanting to high-five or shake hands. Zach, for his part, simply went along with it. He also enjoyed the sense of fascination each time someone shook his hand and realized the flames shooting out of it were cool to the touch. Actually, that reminded him: he had way too much time left on Unleashed Phase.

Unleashed Phase Duration

52:30 Remaining

A bit earlier, he and Kalana had argued about whether or not they should start rolling for loot right away or whether they should first wait for Jimmy to reveal whatever plan he had to help Zach deal with his exertion debt. It was an argument that still wasn’t quite settled. Zach really wanted to do the roll first. He also wanted to make it absolutely clear that anything he won was to be buried with him if he died. And he didn’t care if that was greedy! Kalana, on the other hand, wanted to address his impending E-debt immediately.

“I can’t wait to go home and go to sleep,” he groaned as more and more adventurers wanted to give him a pat or a handshake.

Suddenly, he felt a soothing pair of lips grazing his ear. “You can’t go to sleep right away,” Kalana whispered to him.

“Huh? Why?” he whispered back.

Rather than reply, she gently bit his ear, and it sent a pleasurable sensation straight down his spine while causing little bumps to form all over his skin. He was pretty sure he got the message she was sending. Loud and clear. “I guess…I can stay awake a little longer.”

Though he was far from “deprived,” if it was up to Zach, he would be at it four, five times a day. Supposedly, that’s how much Rian and Seiley went at it, but to be fair, Rian was a bullshit artist and could be totally lying just for the sake of bragging. Regardless, the point was that if there was one thing in this world he enjoyed more than loot, treasure, and gold, it was his “special” alone time with Kal. He was so lucky to have someone as beautiful as her to himself.

And…for some reason, the thought of that reminded him of a young couple he’d killed right after arriving on Shadowfall Coast. There had been a young, beautiful girl—and he’d cut her entire fucking head off right in front of her boyfriend or maybe even fiancé. That look in his eyes…what Zach had done to her had hurt him way more than the slice of Zach’s blade that subsequently disemboweled him.

But why was he thinking about this now? Why was it bothering him right this moment when he’d woken up earlier in Angelica’s and had been just fine? Why did he feel like the pain inside him was beginning a slow, but steadily increasing ramp up? And then what? Was he going to lose his shit in front of all these people? Not just Kal this time, but Jimmy, Mr. Oren, Fiona, Rian, Lienne—everyone. Just like he had on Elendroth, only with a much larger audience here to see him break down.

Come on, Zach, he begged himself. You learned to get through this already. Don’t do this now.

Somehow, the thought actually made things a million times worse, and now it became a full-intensity task just to keep the hurt in his head from showing on his face. But it was like holding back the flow of a broken dam. The pressure was immense. He couldn’t keep it in much longer.

“Be right back,” he said, smiling. “Gotta take a piss. I’m going to run back to that diner real quick and use their bathroom.”

Donovan coughed out a laugh. “Just run a mile in any direction and piss on the dirt, you son of a bitch.”

Zach didn’t say anything in response to him. He needed to get out of there—quickly. And so, without even a word to Kal, he moved, slowly at first, but then blazingly fast towards the southeast. He didn’t actually care where he ended up. He only just needed to get far enough away that he wouldn’t be observed. Of course, he couldn’t actually hide, either. Thanks to Phase Level 3, he left behind a trail that would lead directly to him.

I don’t think anybody will follow me.

Just to be safe, Zach hurried an extra mile or two away, stopping upon reaching a point where the barren dirt at last turned to grass—where the terrain was undamaged by the mare’s fire-shifting attack. Alone and unwatched, he dropped down to his knees, removed his phone, and dialed a number.

“Hey, kiddo,” Jascaila said to him. “Didn’t expect to hear from ya so soon. I was watching you out there thanks to Eilea. You did really good.”

Zach opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a whimper. Then a sob. And upon hearing this, her voice turned serious but also soothing.

“Hey, Zach, what’s up?”

He struggled to get a word out but couldn’t. It was all boiling up so fast, and it actually confused him, because he really had been okay. “I was fine all day,” he managed to say—but that was the extent of what he could speak. Afterwards, the harder he tried to talk, the harder tears ran down his face, and the less he was able to form words.

“It’s all right,” she said to him, speaking softly and reassuringly. “Let’s talk about it. But first, remember those breathing exercises you learned.”

Zach wiped his eyes, and the back of his hand was soaked. “I killed over a hundred people last night,” he sobbed. “A hundred. Some of them begged. But I did it anyway. They begged!”

He found his voice as he told Jascaila what he had done. And as he did so, he couldn’t help but feel gratitude towards Kalana for forcing him to meet her. Because right now, he doubted he could go through this otherwise. Yet with her, he knew he would be able to get by. Even just having her on the phone had a strange calming effect.

“…and I don’t understand why I was fine until Kal flirted with me.”

“Guilt works in funny ways, Zach. Processing our emotions can take time: very often a lot of it. But in this case, it sounds like Kalana reminded you of what you feel you stole from others. But that guilt isn’t yours to carry. You need to understand that what you did was a consequence not of your actions, but of much older men and women who should have known better.”

“But the people I killed…it wasn’t their fault either,” Zach argued. “They were my age, and they were just trying to protect their home.”

Zach knew he didn’t have much time to speak before Kal became suspicious. So even as Jascaila responded, he apologized and cut her off. “I really don’t have a lot of time, uh, I actually snuck away to call you. Is there any way you can help me hold it together until I get home? We are about to do loot.”

“You should know by now that even asking that question is silly, Zach. You need to feel what you feel. The fact you try so hard to suppress it is exactly why you have moments like this where you explode. Come on, kiddo. You know this. I shouldn’t have to tell you it.”

Zach rubbed his forehead in frustration. “Yeah, but I need to just get through this. Please. I don’t want to humiliate myself in front of everybody. Please!”

Jascaila sighed. “All right, listen. Here’s what you’ll do. Focus all your attention on the loot. Think about the loot like it’s the only thing in the world that matters. Obsess over it. Think about which piece or pieces you want to get, what you’d do with them, how much they're worth, and all that good shit. Your mind will switch over to a state of becoming goal-oriented, and you’ll forget for a while. But as soon as you come back, I want to speak with you, all right?”

“Of course! Thanks!”

Zach hung up, straightened his back, and then thought really, really hard about the loot.

And it worked.