THE Knight's Hidden Princess-Chapter 216: Not Here

The tears gathered in my eyes temporary blinded my vision as I stumbled outside of the dressing room. I ignored the people who were busy calling my name as I ran out the hallway. My clothes suddenly feels too hot ache in my chest seemed to be growing bigger by the minute.

I couldn’t breathe. Oh gods, I can’t breathe!

The walls seemed to be closing around me as I walked. I tried to suck in air but every attempt I made burned. My heart was beating violently and I could hear the sound in my ears, it was so loud it drowned out everything else.

Celeste’s word continued to play in my mind repeatedly. Everything she was saying was the truth even though that would be the first time she’s ever spoke the truth in her life. My friend’s faces also confirmed it, that it was the truth, even though I didn’t want to believe it.

I think deep down I’ve always known the kind Reagan’s motive for getting married to me. I knew it wasn’t just political, I always suspected there was something else but I never thought that it would be something so great.

Gods, no wonder they hated me. It was justified because I would have hated me too. My heart ached for Reagan’s father who blindly trusted who he thought was a friend. My heart ached for the pain Marina had to endure. I can’t imagine fleeing the kingdom after child birth after learning the news if your husband death. My heart ached for Adrianna and Miguel who had to grow up without a dad. My heart also ached for Reagan, the little boy who had to turn a blind eye to the horror he witnessed just so his family could be saved, the man who had to become a killing machine just so he could get his revenge.

And lastly my heart ached for me, the woman he chose to marry.

It hadn’t been because of love nor duty. He has married me because I conveniently fit into his plan, the final move on a board that had been laid out before I stepped into it.

That’s all I’ve ever been, a pawn to men.

It wasn’t fair and yet I couldn’t bring it in me to call him cruel. I would have done the same thing. Every choice he had ever made was born out of survival and a desperate need to protect the people he had left.

I was nothing more than a collateral.

Tears continued to steam down my face as I continued to sluggishly make my way around the manor. I moved wordlessly, without any thoughts, not seeing anything. And I didn’t know when I found myself outside until someone suddenly taps me by my shoulder.

I turned, my chest coming in contact with a leather vest and that was all I could see until whoever it was leaned down and Branderson’s face came into view.

"Dahlia?" He breathes, eyes wide with disbelief.

My lips part as I stared at Branderson, bottom lip trembling.

Branderson’s eyes widened as he stared at me, eyes filled with concern. "Dahlia what’s wrong?"

"It’s all I lie." I whispered, the tears still flowing down my cheeks.

Branders’s brow knitted as he stared at me, trying to understand what I meant. "Dahlia, just calm down a bit and talk to me."

"It’s all a lie Branderson, everything’s a lie."

When Branderson saw that I wasn’t going to be saying anything more than that he exhaled slowly. His eyes searching behind me as if he could locate the source of the pain I couldn’t voice out. He must have seen something behind me because his eyes were filled with relief next.

"Oh, there’s Reagan, want me to_"

Before he could say anymore, I grabbed him by his shirt. "Get me out of here."

"Dahlia, what are you_"

"Please, I can’t be here."

Branderson looked conflicted now, his jaw tightening as his eyes darted between me and the direction Reagan was coming from. My hand gripped his shirt tighter and he looked down to stare at me, as if silently begging with me not to do this to him.

"Dahlia, I_"

"Please Branderson. I can’t be here." My voice cracked, desperate. "I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want to see him."

Because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to hold myself together if I see him staring at me. I wasn’t sure I could take any more of the lies. For a moment all Branderson did was stare at me but I saw the moment he made the decision. He grabbed me by my waist and hauled me on his horse.

"I’ll be right behind you, go!" He gave the horse a smack and it lurched forward.

People desperately moved out of the way as I raced towards the manor’s gate. Behind me I could hear Reagan calling for me but I didn’t stop, I focused on staring at the gate, urging my horse to move faster before Reagan can think of chasing after me.

I just crossed the gate when I heard Branderson’s horse behind me. Relief flooded me as I stared at Branderson, yelling command at his horse and together we rode outside the manor grounds.

I allowed Branderson to take the lead because I couldn’t think of anything right now. But he seemed to know his way because we arrived at a clearing in front of a huge river. I pulled my horse to a stop before I got down. My feet carried me towards the edge of the river and I sat down there on the grass, simply staring at the water.

I could feel Branderson’s gaze burning a hole at the back of my head but at the same time, he kept quiet. I was grateful for his silence and so there I sat, till the sun slowly went back to hiding behind cloudy grey skies.

"Dahlia, it’s getting late."

I hummed then turned to look at Branderson who was looking at me still worried. I now noticed that he was wearing his uniform. On getting back, he asked Reagan to make him a guard. Not one of the nobles but an actual guard because he wanted to stay right next to me.

He was afraid I would be starting trouble again, his words not mine.

"I suppose." I respond still not looking away from the water.

"We should get back."

"We should." I respond still staring at the water. "Where do you suppose it leads?"

"What leads?"

"The river."

"I don’t know much about Iravia, but I suppose probably to the southern sea." Branderson answered, his voice low.

"The sea." I said with a small smile on my lips. "Strange how I’m beginning to miss it a whole lot. Those moments when we were on the boat, I think it’s the happiest I’ve ever been."

I heard Branderson shift on his feet as he stared at me. "Yeah, I was happy too but the sea doesn’t have the most important thing. It doesn’t have family."

I snorted in response. "Family? I don’t think I ever had that."

"That’s not true. You have a sister, a brother who risked everything to come for you. You have a beautiful son and also a loyal husband."

Husband? My eyes watered at just hearing those words but I pushed the tears back down. I was done crying. It was time for me to head back and face my reality. I stood up from the ground and turned to look at Branderson who was busy holding the horse reins.

"I better head back." I said and I watched Branderson’s face crumple in relief.

He steadied the horse for me as I got on, before he mounted his. Together we rode back to the manor in comfortable silence. Throughout the entire ride I kept thinking of one thing only and that was to leave. The lies, the secrets, they will never end, not here.

Which means I have to go and end it first.

The manor loomed into view, its stone walls washed in the last rays of daylight. I stared at it with a strange hollowness in my chest and as I rode inside the gate, I met Reagan standing right outside along with Killian and Nikolai.

My friends were also with him, looking guilty as they stood behind Regan.

The stable hand walked towards me as I dismounted and I handed him the reins which he accepted. I turned to look at Branderson with a wry smile on my face.

"Thank you." I say, though I am not quite sure if I was thanking him for the ride or for not pressing further into the cracks of my heart.

"Of course." Branderson replied then bowed his head at Reagan before he disappeared off to his quarters but I don’t miss the not so subtle exchange he did with his eyes.

I turned to look at Reagan who had his jaw clenched tightly, no doubt demanding an explanation. Too bad, he wasn’t going to be getting any from me. I made a move to enter, brushing past him but before I could enter.

He clamped a hand on my wrist. His grip firm as he stared down at me. "And where have you been?"