THE Knight's Hidden Princess-Chapter 203: Beating Trauma

DAHLIA POV

The ship rocked gently as if the sea was trying to soothe us with its movement. I leaned against the wood at the front of the boat, watching as soft orange hue rose from the snow laced clouds. We were going to be approaching summer soon, winter was saying good bye.

It had been a long winter, a long one that was filled with pain and I was glad that it was finally over. The sun that was peaking from the gray clouds looked seemed like the beginning of something new. I exhaled slowly as I closed my eyes enjoying my moment of peace.

It was only moment like this that I am able to be at peace. When night comes, it was always horrible. Sleeping was supposed to be a way to escape but apparently that isn’t the case for me. It would seem that night time was when the demons come from me. Tormenting me each time and making me feel like I was back in that horrible place.

During day time, it was easy for me to pretend. It was easy for me to pretend as if I do not care, act like I was completely fine. I smile every day, I laugh and even make jokes, I do anything to take my mind away from the horrors that it faced. But when its night time and everywhere gets quiet, I am being dragged to go relieve the past.

Reagan worries about me, I can see it in his eyes. The way he stares at me with so much helpless in his gaze and anytime I catch him, he would look away. Anytime we stayed together, his hands brush mine. As if he wanted to touch me but he is scared to.

I also noticed he doesn’t sleep which is mostly my fault. My nightmares kept both of us up, him longer than me but he acts like he has just come out of bed. But what infuriates me the most is the fact that he stares at me like I was made of glass, like I was going to break at the slightest little thing.

I hated it so much because it also felt like the truth and I didn’t want it to look that way. I didn’t want it to look like I might be broken.

But I was, I was broken.

Some nights when I get scared of my nightmare, I want to do reach for him. Hug him and juts let all my tears out. Most days I wished he would hold me and kiss me senseless till I forget or maybe fuck me. But I was also going to hold off on that, at least not till I get Madam Heidi to get some salve to make the scars on my body disappear.

They were too hideous to see I had smashed the mirror in the bathroom and when Reagan had asked me, I had claim it was an accident. He didn’t believe me though, I could see it in his eyes but he still didn’t push.

I was going to tell him everything. I was going to tell him everything later but not when I was afraid. I might be out now but there was still some part of me that is locked inside that it. Drawing in a deep breath, I tightened the belt around my tunic. Well it wasn’t mine exactly, it belongs to Reagan. Even though he had packed my clothes, I didn’t wear them, I preferred loose fittings like this that covered up my scars.

I climbed back into the bed, preparing to just sleep when all of a sudden, I heard a knock on the door. Sitting up, I adjust the tunic on my body before I called out to whoever it was at the other end. The door opened and I saw it was my brother Bjorn.

Smiling, I stood up from the bed as I stared at him. I tried to step forward but I withheld myself, choosing to fist my hands by my side instead.

Bjorn noticed before he chuckled, "You know he isn’t here." He said but I still remained still, Bjorn grinned at me before he stretched his hands open, "Come here sis, I’ve missed you."

I didn’t need any other invitation than that, I ran straight into his arms. Bjorn cut me, his arms wrapped around me, hugging me fiercely. Tears streamed down my as I hugged Bjorn, taking in a deep breath as I breathed in his scent.

Gods I’ve missed him, I’ve missed him so much.

"I missed you too." Bjorn whispered placing a kiss on the top of my forehead as he gently patted my back.

I wasn’t going to lie, it felt nice to be held. Even if it was just for a while, I loved the comfort he provided. It felt like I could breathe back again, like I was me again. Smiling, I eased away from Bjorn as I stared up at him.

Bjorn offered me a wry smile. "So, how are you?"

"I am fine."

"Dahlia," Bjorn called but I just smiled at him, "It’s me, you can talk to me."

I laughed but it sounded forced to my own ears, "Bjorn, I am really fine. I don’t know what Reagan has been telling you but if it’s how I’ve been waking up it’s because I am uncomfortable and I honestly cannot wait to get off this ship!"

"You know you haven’t asked for them once."

I knew what he was talking about. I smiled as I looked up at him, me not asking doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to see them. "Because I know I am going to be seeing them soon."

"Or because you are afraid." Bjorn suddenly said, "It’s okay to be scared Dahlia. What you’ve went through, isn’t a small ordeal. So it’s okay to be scared Dahlia, he can’t hurt you anymore. No one can hurt you ever again. So, if you need to talk to someone at all about anything that has happened, I want you to know that I’m right here."

Except I do not want to talk! I do not want to say anything! I just want to be left alone. I want to continue saying I was fine till my body learns to accept it, till my body finally accepts that I was fine and I do not care how long I was going to continue to tell myself that I was fine. My body will accept it.

But through it all, I smiled as I stared up at Bjorn. "Alright, I will." I said and he opened his mouth to talk but I cut him off, "If that’s all, I think I would like to get some rest now. I’ve been up since dawn and I would like to get all the rest I can before we arrive back at Iravia!"

Bjorn stared at me like he wanted to say something else but then he decided against it. Nodding his head, he smiled at me one last time before he turned and walked out the door.

It was only when he left did I feel like I could breathe again. I went back to the bed and laid down, staring at the nothing in particular as I slowly disappeared into that dark place in my mind.

***

REAGAN POV

Bjorn approached us from where I was standing on the deck with Killian and Nikolai. He had a foreboding expression on his face. The one that suggested that suggested the conversation that he had with Dahlia had proven to be unsuccessful.

"So how did it go?" Nikolai asked even though how it went was clearly written all over his face.

Bjorn shook his head at us before he grabbed a cu that contained wine from which we had been drinking to chase away the cold. He settled down on an empty barrel, downing down his drink. "You are right, something I definitely up with her."

I sighed already knowing that my worst fear has been confirmed. I sent Bjorn to check on her with the hope that he would at least get through to her in a way that I couldn’t. She was affected by what happened. All of them were, but they were finding different ways to cope with it. Some of them drink their sorrows away and the rest that couldn’t just found things to do so they would stop thinking about what happened.

"Maybe I could try to talk to her." Killian suggested and I shook my head at him.

"I’m afraid that would only make her angry." I informed him, "She’s clearly doing this because she doesn’t want to be seen as someone who needs help." I said and Killian hummed in agreement.

"Perhaps what she needs is to face her fears." Nikolai said.

I snorted, "Yeah, I don’t think she is ready to face her father." 𝒻𝘳ℯℯ𝑤ℯ𝒷𝘯ℴ𝓋ℯ𝘭.𝑐ℴ𝑚

"I wasn’t talking about her facing her father." Nikolai said and we all looked up at him wondering just who he might be talking about this time around, "I’m talking about the guy who is under this boat."

We were all quiet for a moment but Bjorn shook his head. "Yeah, I do not think she is ready for that yet."

"You think it will help?" I asked him.

Nikolai shrugged at me, "There’s no better way to beat your trauma than facing your biggest fears."