The Dragon's Kiss-Chapter 140 - TWENTY ONE: Desperate Dependency

As she walked through the door, Kel was greeted by Nesta's smiling face.

"Look, Kel. Your friend is back!"

Behind the woman were Harrow and the friend in question, kneeling at a small dingy table.

Conflicting feelings of relief and uneasiness swept over Kel as she recognized Dash's familiar face.

"Hi, Kel," Dash nodded. "You look like you've been well."

"Ah, I have. I-" Kel paused, nearly blurting 'I can't say the same for you.'

Dark circles clung underneath Dash's eyes and his shoulders were slumped. Clearly, he'd missed more than one night's sleep.

"How have you been?" Kel corrected, offering a clumsy smile.

On their journey from Serin's capital to Tael, neither of the estranged friends could bring themselves to make anything more than small talk. No matter how hard she tried, Kel just couldn't find the right words to broach the heavy reality of their situation or the dubious relationship between them.

She regretted not trying harder to discuss those unsavory topics, however, as things had grown unbelievably awkward between her and Dash with such important discussions left undiscussed. Now, they were trapped in this perpetual state of uncertainty.

"I've been well," Dash lied, returning Kel's greeting with a sad smile of his own.

Before an uncomfortable silence had a chance to set in, Nesta quickly assumed the burden of conversation, chattering about everything from the tea she was brewing to the pleasant spring weather. f𝗿e𝙚𝘸e𝐛𝚗𝐨𝙫𝚎𝙡.c𝒐𝐦

After a tea time filled with Nesta's sugary voice and Harrow's occasional grumbles, Kel and Dash were sent back outside under the guise of working. All four of them knew, however, that the old couple were giving the two friends a chance to talk about their mysterious circumstances in private.

"So, where have you been this time?" Kel asked absently, dragging her trusty old rake through a perfectly tilled patch of dirt.

"I visited some villages in Pandreia," Dash replied, watching Kel intently. "Villages close to the sea."

Kel nodded. She didn't have to ask to know Dash was preparing her next hideout. It was considerate of him to remember her wish to see the ocean.

Would she live her whole life this way now? A lowly vagrant floating around the continent with no aim aside from remaining undetected?

More curiously, though, was why Dash felt the need to take care of her this way. Did he intend to join her as a hopeless wanderer when he had an actual home to return to?

"You know, Dash, I-" Kel whirled around abruptly, stopping when she realized Dash had said something at the same time.

"Sorry, you go ahead," Dash nodded.

In the past, she might have been courteous and insist Dash speak first.

No, even when they were on good terms, Kel couldn't think of a time she acted with such maturity and politeness to Dash.

"... Why are you doing this?" she finally finished, turning back to the over-raked patch.

"Doing what?" Dash questioned in a tone that was far too innocent.

Ha. He was really going to make her say it out loud.

"You know.. finding places for me to go and stuff," Kel explained stiffly.

Dash chuckled behind her and she felt his hand playfully land on her head.

"If not me, then who will take care of you?"

"I don't need someone to take care of me," Kel mumbled to herself, shying away from Dash's touch.

"Eh? Is that a joke, or are you that disillusioned with yourself?" Dash replied, overhearing her complaining.

"Disillusioned with myself?" Kel retorted. "Do you not realize that I'm not the helpless little orphan you picked up on the street anymore?"

"No…" Dash trailed off thoughtfully. "You're older now, and you certainly don't look like an urchin. But inside, you're still the same kid who needs my help."

"I think you're the one who's disillusioned," Kel huffed. "I can fight, and I can take care of myself."

"It's not a bad thing, Kel," Dash soothed. "You're just dependent on other people. It's who you are."

Dependent on others? Kel frowned. Even if there was a drop of truth in his words, she would never admit it. It was too shameful for a full grown woman with incredible powers and elite training to be dependent like a child.

"In fact, I was so worried you'd break," Dash continued, "when you lost everyone you were used to relying on."

"Worried I would break…" Kel echoed, remembering all the rage, pain and misery that had taken her at various times while she was a hostage in Serin.

If she was being honest, she had broken.

Everything she knew about the world was smashed to pieces at once, and she was left trying to reconstruct her entire identity.

Was it because she was too dependent?

On the king who was like a father she never had.

On Adriell who was a close friend and partner in crime.

On Dash who patiently cleaned up every one of her messes.

And now, was it the same desperate dependency that swayed her heart toward the Dragon Emperor?

"So you're doing this out of obligation?" Kel asked bitterly. "Because you think you owe it to me or Itzae or whoever?"

"I've never felt obligated to take care of you, Kel," Dash answered softly.

"So why?!" Kel demanded, suddenly feeling angry.

She didn't know if she was upset with Dash for thinking she was helpless or if she was upset at herself for not realizing sooner how helpless she truly was.

No matter how much she trained her body in the practice arena or her mind in the palace's classrooms, she was weak in the heart.

Hopelessly, pathetically weak.

That was the reason she was here in the cold, barren outskirts of Mevani now, trusting Dash's every plan despite the fact that he'd betrayed her in the past.

"I've already told you, right?" Dash sighed, once again reaching for Kel's head.

This time, she held obediently still under the familiar patting.

Dash used to soothe her to sleep this way when they were children. Even as they grew older, he often stroked her head to pacify her or congratulate her.

Despite hating herself for it, Kel couldn't help but feel comforted by the nostalgic gesture.

"I've already told you," Dash repeated in a whisper, drawing his body closer to Kel's.

"I love you."