The Bride He Hates-Chapter 61: Our Feelings?

"But I was a human a few weeks ago. I know how humans think, how they’ll react to vampire attacks."

"I’m sure Lord Cedric will take your insights into account when he’s planning. But the final decision should be made by experienced military minds."

"Like yours, you mean." She was angry now. "I’m a queen, Azrael, not a decorative accessory."

"I never said you were."

"You didn’t have to! You said it indirectly in front of the entire court when you agreed I should stay silent on military matters!"

"That’s not what I said. You’re twisting my words."

"I’m just interpreting your actions, which keep telling me you don’t actually see me as your equal, no matter what you say."

"That’s not true."

"Really? You won’t let me help with covenant investigations. You want me guarded at all times. You agree with the nobles who say I’m too inexperienced to contribute. How exactly is that treating me as an equal?"

"I’m trying to protect you. There’s a difference between not valuing you and not wanting you to get killed by threats you’re not ready to handle." He stood up and slammed his hands on the table.

"And who decides when I’m ready? You? You always make decisions for me, controlling what I can and can’t do..."

"That’s what it takes to keep you alive!"

"I don’t need you to keep me alive! I need you to trust that I can contribute, that I’m not just a helpless victim who needs constant protection!"

They were both shouting now, their anger finally boiling over.

And then, suddenly, Lyanna felt the empathic connection again. She could feel his frustration, but also his desire and longing for her. She could feel how desperate he was to keep her safe, knowing that his protectiveness was suffocating her.

Lyanna gasped and took a step back. Azrael’s expression changed immediately.

"Stop reading me."

"I’m not trying to! It just happens!"

"Lyanna! You need to shut this down."

"I don’t know how!"

"Try. Please. I can’t...this is too much."

But Lyanna couldn’t shut it down. The connection was too strong and overwhelming. She felt his desire for her mixed with his fear of losing her, his love clashing with his need to protect them, his longing to surrender to his feelings, and his fear of what that would mean.

The intimacy was unbearable.

"If we can’t stop it, then let’s use it."

He kissed her hungrily, pouring his every suppressed emotion into the kiss. Lyanna could feel how long he had been holding back, how much restraint it had taken for him to keep his distance.

She kissed him back with equal desperation, her own emotions were now flooding through the bond. They fell on the bed and began to remove each other’s clothes without breaking the kiss. The empathic connection made everything more intense. Lyanna felt his desire increasing when he touched her bare skin, felt his pleasure when she kissed his neck and collarbone.

They were tangled together, both giving in to what they had been fighting for days. Azrael’s mouth was following his hands which were everywhere on her body. Lyanna arched into his touch, her vampire senses increasing her every sensation.

But under her own desire, Lyanna felt fear.

Because she was falling for the man she wasn’t supposed to. He had hurt her deliberately and repeatedly for months, tortured her mentally, stripped her of her freedom, turning her into an obedient doll made to perform at his command.

The thought made her want to scream and cry. She wanted to run away from the feelings she had no right to have.

How can I love this man? How can my body respond to his touch when my mind remembers his every cruel word, dismissal, and how he made me feel worthless?

Azrael sensed the change in her emotions immediately and pulled back a little.

"Lyanna? What’s wrong?"

"I can’t do this."

"Can’t do what?"

"This." She pushed his shoulders, and he immediately moved back, giving her space.

She sat up and wrapped a sheet around herself.

"I can’t do this."

"Why not?"

"Because...because I’m falling for you, and I hate that."

Azrael froze on hearing her confession.

"You forced me into this marriage. You were cruel and you made sure I knew I was just property to you. And now I’m supposed to forget that because you decided you have feelings? Because I have feelings?"

She was about to cry; she was angry at herself more than at him.

"I don’t even know if what I feel is real or just some supernatural bond making me feel things I shouldn’t. How can I trust anything I feel when everything between us began because of revenge?"

"You think the bond is creating emotions?"

"I don’t know! How can I know?" She replied and looked at him. "This bond connects us. What if I’m not actually falling for you, and just responding to some supernatural urge?"

Azrael pulled back completely, sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to her. She could feel his pain through the bond.

"Is that what you think? You think that everything you feel is just the bond’s manipulation?"

"I don’t know what’s real anymore." Her voice cracked. "I think I’m scared of loving someone who hurt me. I don’t think I can trust my feelings when they don’t make any sense."

"The bond doesn’t create emotions, Lyanna. It can only intensify what’s already there, but it can’t create new feelings. If you feel something for me, it’s real." He stood up and started putting on his clothes.

"If you want to believe your feelings aren’t real, if that makes this easier for you, then believe it."

"Azrael..."

"You said you needed time to figure out what you feel. I’m giving you that time." He finished dressing and looked at her.

She could feel how hurt he was but she didn’t know what to do.

"When you figure out what you feel, let me know." He said and walked out, closing the door behind him.