Taming the Beast World with a Frying Pan-Chapter 45: Streaker of the Swamp

The hissing was getting louder. It sounded like a tire leak in an echo chamber.

Ren stood on the stone threshold of the Vault, staring at the writhing sea of Pit Vipers between her and the exit. The mud was churning as hundreds of angry, cold-blooded killers woke up, sensing the intruder.

"Nice snakes," Ren squeaked, backing up until her heels hit the obsidian doorframe. "Good snakes. Don’t bite the Chef."

A large brown viper lunged, snapping its jaws inches from her bare toes.

"Okay, negotiations over."

Ren turned to the barrel of grain alcohol she had spotted. It was heavy, made of aged wood. She didn’t have the strength to lift it, so she did the next best thing.

She kicked it over.

CRASH.

The barrel tipped, smashing onto its side. The stopper popped out, and high-proof clear liquid gurgled out, flowing off the platform and cascading down into the mud pit.

The smell of alcohol hit the air instantly.

The snakes nearest the platform recoiled, hissing at the chemical sting.

"Fire in the hole!" Ren yelled.

She flicked her Survival Lighter.

Click. Spark.

She tossed the lighter into the puddle.

WHOOSH.

Blue flame erupted with a roar. It raced down the stream of alcohol like a living thing, igniting the surface of the mud pit.

The corridor turned into an inferno of light and heat.

The vipers panicked. Fire was their primal fear. The mass of scales thrashed wildly, snakes slithering over each other to get away from the flames, clearing a narrow, chaotic path through the center.

"Now or never," Ren gritted out.

She shoved the Swamp Map and the Sleeping Powder into her System Inventory with a thought. She clamped the Jade Key between her teeth like a pirate.

She hitched Syris’s blue silk robe up to her thighs and sprinted.

She leaped off the platform.

Thud.

She landed in the mud, right in the center of the ring of fire. The heat was intense, singeing the fine hairs on her legs. Smoke billowed, stinging her eyes.

"Move, move, move!"

She scrambled forward, her feet slipping in the muck. To her left, a wall of fire. To her right, a wall of terrified snakes.

She saw the stone stairs ahead. Ten feet. Five feet.

A massive black viper, trapped by the flames and blinded by panic, struck out blindly.

SNAP.

Its fangs didn’t hit Ren’s skin. They sank deep into the trailing hem of the heavy silk robe.

Ren was yanked backward with violent force.

"Gah!"

She stumbled, falling to her knees in the mud. The snake thrashed, twisting its body, pinning the fabric to the ground. It began to coil, pulling her back toward the fire and the pit.

Ren tried to pull free. The silk held fast.

"Let go!" Ren screamed, muffled by the key in her mouth.

She tugged. The snake tugged back. The fire was creeping closer. Other snakes were turning toward the struggle.

Ren looked at the robe. She looked at the exit.

"Sorry, Syris," she thought. "I’m returning your gift."

She grabbed the sash at her waist and yanked the knot free.

She threw her arms back and shrugged her shoulders.

With a desperate lunge, she dove forward. The robe slid off her body, leaving her completely, utterly naked.

She scrambled up the stone steps on all fours, mud splattering her bare skin, the heat of the fire licking at her heels.

She didn’t stop. She didn’t look back.

She sprinted up the spiral staircase, her lungs burning, her body exposed to the cold, damp air of the underground.

The Upper Corridor

Ren burst out of the stairwell and into the main hallway.

She collapsed against the wall, gasping for air, clutching the Jade Key in her hand.

She looked down at herself.

She was covered in soot, mud, and snake-slime. And she was stark naked.

"I am..." Ren wheezed, wiping mud off her breast. "...the worst thief in history."

[System Notification: Escape Successful.] [Status: Naked. Muddy. Traumatized.] [Achievement Unlocked: ’Streaker’. +5 Speed when unclothed.]

"Not the time!" Ren hissed.

She heard footsteps. Heavy, slithering footsteps coming from the far end of the hall.

’Viper.’

Ren’s eyes widened. If the guard saw her like this—naked, covered in mud, holding the King’s key—the gig was up.

She needed to get back to the Nest. Now.

She pushed off the wall and ran.

The +5 Speed buff kicked in. She was a blur of pale skin and dirt, streaking through the dark corridors of the Onyx Palace. She took the corners fast, drifting on the smooth stone.

She reached the heavy obsidian doors of the King’s Nest.

They were closed.

Ren didn’t knock. She didn’t hesitate. She threw her weight against the door and shoved.

BANG.

The doors flew open.

Ren stumbled into the room, chest heaving, hair wild, completely nude except for the layer of grime.

Syris was exactly where she had left him. He was sitting up in bed, the furs pulled over his lap, looking bored.

He looked up as the door slammed open.

His amethyst eyes went wide.

He took in the sight of Ren: panting, naked, covered in mud, and smelling of smoke and high-proof alcohol.

For a long moment, there was silence.

Then, a slow, appreciative smile spread across Syris’s face.

"You return," Syris purred, his eyes raking over her exposed form. "And you have... molted your shell?"

Ren stood there, freezing cold, realizing she was still holding the Jade Key in her hand.

She quickly hid her hand behind her back.

"I..." Ren panted, searching her brain for an excuse. "I got lost. In the bathroom."

"The bathroom has mud?" Syris asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It was a... mud mask," Ren lied breathlessly. "A full body mud mask. For grief. It exfoliates the sadness."

"And the smoke?" Syris sniffed the air. "You smell like a burning tavern."

"Aromatherapy," Ren said firmly. "It’s very trendy."

Syris chuckled. He lifted the fur blanket, inviting her in.

"Come then, Little Mud-Chef," he said, his voice thick with desire. "You are dirty. Let me lick you clean."

Ren swallowed hard.

She had the Map. She had the Drugs. She had the Key.

But now she had to survive the cleanup.

"Coming, dear," Ren squeaked.

She walked toward the bed, praying to every god she knew that she could drug him before he decided to celebrate her new "exfoliated" look.