Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)-Chapter 1124. A Hand to Hold

Tears soaked into Roaul’s suit.

Ber’s shoulders trembled as faint tremors were transmitted into his body.

“I didn’t want to believe it to be true. You… You wanted to die?” Ber buried her face further into his chest.

An inaudible gasp escaped Raoul. Ber whimpered into his chest.

Suddenly, one of the strongest Moons of the Nexus felt so small. He stared down at the top of her head, not knowing what to do with his hands.

His face scrunched as he held back a wave of emotions which surged from his chest. Her head, even now, looked the same as it did so long ago.

“I’ve brought enough pain to you all.” Raoul admitted.

“It isn’t going to fix anything.” Ber muffledly moaned into his chest. “How could believe that?”

“What else was I supposed to believe after what I did to everyone around me?”

Indeed. Raoul had caused enough suffering to last multiple lifetimes. He didn’t deserve to live, but neither did he deserve to die easily. Perhaps that was why Ber had stopped him, so that he could continue the Repent Cycle.

But he never thought of Ber as vindicative. The girl he knew, at least from the Nexus, was always ready to fight. The woman who buried her face into his chest was nothing like that girl. If anything, she was exactly the same as the girl who was abandoned at the lake.

“Raoul…” Ber lowered him and gently leaned into him, sliding down his chest ever so slightly. “Talk. Dammit. Talk. Like what you did for me. I came here hoping to find a reason to hate you more than I should. Res despises you. But I know for a fact that she wouldn’t want to see her big brother die.”

Raoul slowly shook his head.

“Ber… I failed you. I left you there. I never stayed for more than a day. Each visit became longer.”

Ber shook her head as well before finally gathering the strength to look at him. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Her eyes swallowed the world, and in it, Raoul saw his reflection. It was not the Corrupted, nor himself.

Rather, what he saw was a younger version of himself. The one whose heart had not yet frozen over, and who sought to cherish his sisters rather than to stump their growth.

“You keep blaming yourself. But I can’t blame the Raoul of the past. Not him. Not you from back then. I can hate the from you now as much as I want, but I can never forget what you did for me when no one else was willing to help me.”

Raoul eyes widened again, and he was taken back to moments he regretted with all his heart. The pale pools showed a reflection of a Raoul who visited Ber three separate times at the lake.

Ber drew the shortest stick of her sisters. Despite this, she cherished life and smiled like every day was her last. The pools suddenly grew as Ber’s tears fell harder.

* * *

“Raooooowl. Raooooowl! Right pronouziachon?”

“Close enough. You don’t have to drag it out. A quick ‘Raoul’ is fine.”

“Want say name longer. Make seem Raooooooul stays. And! Awwwooo like woof!”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Raoul walked by a river with Ber, hand in hand. She was still tiny, and much of the world beyond the hills, and far away, was told solely by Raoul. Everything she knew came from him. To her, Raoul was her world.

I did everything I could to preserve our time together. But as the Solemn Paw’s operations grew, it became difficult to visit her without exposing our relationship. Puritas always knew. The Solemn Paw, however, acted as a smokescreen. No one knew who led them. I was safe as long as my identity remained unknown.

“Rawoool! Rawoool!”

“Yes, yes? You keep calling out my name.”

“Hehe. Because it’s a fun name to say out loud! Rawool!”

Raoul reached into his [Dimensional Storage] and produced a book. He gave it a small dust and tapped her head.

“Surprise.”

“Bwook!?”

“I managed to grab it from the hands of a big wig. Don’t get too sappy. Just thought you’d like something to read while I’m away.”

“But Rawool! Ber doesn’t know how to weed!”

“It has pictures. It’ll be easy for, right?”

Ber hugged the book and looked at him with puppy eyes.

“Can Rawool stay to teach Ber?”

“… I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok!”

That smile. Ber never allowed herself to show how she felt. At the time, I knew what she wanted was for me to stay just a little bit longer more than anything else. But I couldn’t. I was constantly hunted. The Solemn Paw couldn’t run without me. I prioritized their protection over love…

… And in order to stop her from growing too attached…

“Rawouuuuul? Can yu hold my hand?”

“You’re old enough to walk on your own.”

The scenery within the pool changed. The white liquid turned red, and a handless Ber reached out towards Raoul.

“Rawoool… Rawoool… They took it… I’m sowwy.”

She never grieved about her hands. Ber, more than anything, wept because she had lost her precious gift.

The book, which Raoul had given her on a whim.

“Dey took it. Dey took it, Rawool. My treasure! I didn’t wanna let go!”

… I wish I had taken that hand before they were severed.

If I had remained by her side…

* * * 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶

“Raoul…” Ber clasped his hand and held it to her cheek. “If it was just this, then you could have asked. If you took my hand, then I would happily give it to you. I thought you despised me because I lost your book. It sounds so stupid… *Sniffle*.”

“I couldn’t handle the guilt. I didn’t want you to change. I missed the old Ber… not knowing that it was my fault you changed.”

Change. It was one of the major reasons why Raoul did what he did. Yet, despite that, Ber was truer to herself than when she took Serum G.

He just never cared to take her hand to confirm it himself.

“Wolf without a paw, lacking foresight…” Raoul recalled the name of a Corrupted Skill he had used when he Corrupted. “How… can a person look forward to a future in this world? How were you always able to smile?”

Ber’s lips moved. A smile that could melt the heart of a Demon crept onto her face, and Raoul instantly knew the answer.

“Because you were there. I didn’t need anything else. It was so simple… But nothing can be that simple. You protected us. You tried to kill us through Corruption. Raoul. I can’t forgive you for what you did to us and mom. But I cannot condemn you for trying.”

Her words were enough to disarm him completely.

Then, her next few words caused the corners of his eyes to sting.

“Raoul… If it’s forgiveness you want, then I can’t give it to you. No one can until you forgive yourself!”

A single tear ran down his cheek. It fell into the pool, and the color turned a slight tinge of gold.

The Corrupted screeched. It plunged its heart with the needle, drawing out more white tears to dilute the gold. But no amount of stabbing could change it. Ber swung her winged arm in its direction again, bisecting it as it scrambled to repair itself.

“How am I supposed to forgive myself for what I’ve done?”

“You start by acknowledging it.”

The air suddenly hummed with energy. An electric beam disintegrated the Corrupted, leaving behind a steaming crater. Within were the stringy remains that attempted to bring itself together.

“It’s HP dropped by one third. Not sure how you managed to do that given the Condition, but, I’m not surprised.”

Res was here as well. She landed beside Ber and maintained a respectful distance.

“Every mistake needs to come to light. The same goes for every truth in that thick skull of yours. What I’ve learned, unfortunately, thanks to you, is that the ugly and the beautiful make up the colors of this world. Those mistakes are how we learn. Best we can do is paint over it. But most people don’t realize how much that enriches the colors. Look. Brooding over them won’t change a thing.”

She was far less empathetic than Ber. Not that Raoul was complaining. The correct description for the aching he felt within his chest was happiness. Res tapped her eyes with her tail, drawing a pair of glasses.

“Take this from someone who’s also stagnated as hard as you. My Atelier Lens did more damage than good. You need to wake up.”

“Res…”

The memory within the pool changed, this time, targeting Res.

“You and Mom loved to omit the details. Would’ve helped me a lot if I knew what a Star was before I walked onto that beach.”