Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)-Chapter 1123. A Mirror of The Shadow

“Will Ara ever come to forgive you?”

“Never…”

He tricked Ara into becoming his companion. His intentions were to protect her. But he was a fool to believe Corruption would preserve her.

“Res despises you.”

“I know.”

“You turned your back to Cer. She surpassed you.”

“She has no reason to look back.”

“Ber has yet to see you again. How long has it been?”

“Years… It may be for the best that we never meet again.”

There was nothing left for him.

Raoul, who rose to such great heights, fell into such obscurity that no one would bat an eye if he were to disappear.

“The twins could never rely on you.”

“You were also a source of their grief.”

“… I know…”

Indeed. Raoul’s outburst and indiscriminate slaughters heavily degraded their mental wellbeing. They could never tell him no, nor stop. Raoul did it out of wanting nothing more than to protect them. But in the end, it had only hurt them and pushed them to rely on the Scripts for guidance.

He wasn’t there for Orth and Thras.

He was a Guide as a Star, and he had failed the two girls who had lost their way.

Raoul clasped at his chest. His heart thrashed against his ribs like a wild animal. He truly believed that if he did not clasp his heart, then it would burst free. Would he even care?

Raoul did. Otherwise, he would not have clasped his chest. It was the one sliver of control he had left.

“Tell me, Raoul.”

“What do you see yourself as?”

Raoul grip tightened. Then, his hand slipped back to his side. It hung like the arm of a puppet whose string had been cut off.

“O’ Misery, the mistress hidden in the night. You followed me wherever I tread. Death trailed by you hand in hand. You are who waited for me in the mornings and disappeared when night came.”

The parasol moved to just enough to allow Raoul’s shadow to form in front of him.

“O’ Misery, the mistress I’ve called, my companion in suffering. You were my shadow. I was unable to help them, because I was the bearer of my own misery. My inability. Death who stalks and reaps. They were claimed by my own two hands. My lack of choice was a choice in itself.”

The weight of his guilt caused his knees to buckle. Of everything that had happened to Raoul, there was one common thread.

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“Nihility. A jester… who made a fool of himself by dancing to the tune of others.”

“Is that what you see?”

Raoul collapsed to his knees. A pool opened beneath him, revealing a reflection of a darkened version of himself wearing a jester’s outfit. Buttons were sewn over his eyes, and it carried a needle that was aimed at his heart.

He was given a choice.

If I take it… If I accept this is who I am, then… I’ll be able to finally rest in peace. But do I deserve it? After everything I’ve done? The weight of my guilt keeps me awake at night. It keeps me from my eternal rest. Is this what I want? I... 𝒇𝓻𝓮𝓮𝙬𝙚𝒃𝒏𝓸𝙫𝒆𝙡.𝓬𝓸𝒎

“Raoul. This is a gift for you. You can choose your own fate. You are not beholden to me.”

“You only need to accept it with all your heart.”

Raoul was tempted. Everything… everything would finally come to an end. A world without him was likely a better place. Succumbing to his nihilism would be for the best. At least that way, he would be true to himself.

But still he hesitated.

His mind trailed off as he thought of the people he crossed. Their faces flashed before his eyes. Eventually, it landed on a face he hadn’t seen for a long time.

“I want to hear Ber one last time.”

“The Black Swan? Raoul. Why postpone what you can have now and continue the cycle of suffering?”

“Do you believe you deserve to see her again?”

“I don’t believe I am. I want to try anyway.”

Elysia’s parasol returned to her side. Raoul basked in the light of the teardrops. His shadow grew like a maw ready to consume him.

A second passed. Two. Three. Ten seconds passed and nothing had happened to Raoul.

“Is that so?”

Elysia didn’t sound surprised. She took several steps back and tapped at the pool containing Raoul’s Corrupted reflection with the tip of her tail. Ripples spread across its surface. The image then began to move on its own accord.

“A half-manifestation.”

“Just as you achieved when fighting Cer.”

“But Raoul.”

“The very nature of your Corrupted and inability to make a choice…”

//////// < WARNING > ////////

< ETERNAL NIGHT >

< THE ARBITER’S TRUMPET INSPIRES >

“It’s… Alive? I didn’t Corrupt, so how…!?”

“Is it not beautiful? Now you can watch a live demonstration.”

The being within the pool thrust a hand through the reflection. Thin arms dragged the three-meter-tall creature free. Its proportions were as grotesquely thin as its arms, aside from its body which was plump. It wore a jester outfit with a black and white checkered pattern, and a jester hat with six bells each labeled with a letter: C, B, R, A, O, T.

The face of the creature was shaped like a ball, and it squeaked as it breathed cold air. It wore sewn buttons for eyes, and its mouth was stitched shut with a black string. Its ears were sewn against its scalp, and its tail was stapled into its back.

The being carried a silver two-meter-long needle in its right hand, and it stood hunched over, as if burned by an invisible weight.

“Is that… supposed to be me?”

“It is the shape that your heart desires most.”

“You are very welcome.”

Elysia faded into the smoke, right before the smoke was pushed back to the edges of the Isolation Sphere. Raoul retrieved his greatblade from his [Dimensional Storage] and prepared to face the manifestation of his nihilism head on.

“… I can’t… read its stats… Eternal Night. I don’t have a choice.”

He brandished his blade. Raoul had no expectations. Nor did he have anything left to lose. He took a step backwards, but in that instant–

“… My levels…”

–He was staring down at the tip of a needle. It pierced his eye, but miraculously, it did not reach into past his socket. The reason for this was because of a presence that had entered the isolation Sphere.

A fist held onto the wrist of the Corrupted, and it cracked under the might of their grip.

“What are you doing, Abigail? Pick up your arm. Defrost it with [Cleanse] and heal my damned brother.”

Abigail violently nodded and clambered onto her weapon.

“Ber…? Is that you?” Raoul could not believe his eyes.

He knew his sisters’ appearances had changed dramatically since the last time they met. But of them all, Ber’s was the most profound. He didn’t believe they were the same person, but he recognized those white patches on her ears and tail anywhere.

“Who else?” Ber casually flicked her wrist aside, and the Corrupted disappeared from sight.

It crashed against the boundaries of the Isolation Sphere, sending a shockwave which rippled along its invisible threshold. “Invulnerable to all form of damage that isn’t inflicted by the ‘Mirror In Me.’ That’s your que. Best I can do is hold it off, but… Raoul.”

She suddenly wore a dangerous expression. Her eyes went wide, as if she could not believe what she was looking at.

“The Jester of the Fool. Your name is written beneath it. What… did you see yourself as? Tch!? <[The Wolf Without Will, Lacking Action]>!? RAOUL!”

Ber was suddenly infinitely more dangerous than the Corrupted. She cleaved the air and intercepted a flying needle with a winged arm. It cleaved the Corrupted in two. Black tendrils writhed from within its empty cavity, attempting to restitch itself together.

She had bought them time to talk. But Raoul doubted it would be a normal talk.

He didn’t know how she would react, let alone why she acted this way. He was prepared to suddenly engage in combat with her. However, he did not raise his sword to defend himself.

“Is it no surprise that I sought to die when all was said and done–?”

Ber grabbed him by the collar and lifted him off his feet. His arms went limb by his side as he prepared for the blow. If she was anything like Cer, then he’d be lucky if he left with half of his body intact. He remembered Ber being the hot-headed one of the three, who had always backed Cer’s antics.

However, what he felt on his chest was something soft.

It was Ber’s face.