Miho the Killer-Chapter 97: Always

We were extra careful on our way to see Juho. The place was well hidden - the most protected secret of the life that Shin built for Miho. In hindsight it was probably all just to keep Miho on the leash, to leave something for her to hold on to, the last remaining part of her life before it was destroyed - by himself.

Yet, there was a part of me that couldn’t deny the Old Man might have had a sliver of sincerity buried deep inside his twisted heart. It was difficult, no, impossible, to believe that there wasn’t a single moment of genuine care in the years he ’looked after’ Miho and Juho. I didn’t want to remember him kindly. But the smiles, the laughter, the flicker of unguarded joy that shone through his eyes in the rare moments we’ve shared together - it was impossible for me to deny that the man had a heart.

I would never miss him, I lied to myself as Miho and I walked into the facility holding hands.

"Miho!"

The boy excitedly greeted his elder sister as Miho pressed her palm against the glass wall. The broken girl smiled as best as she could, but even the sight of her most beloved couldn’t wipe away the shade of sorrow that hid in her dimples.

Could Juho sense it too?

"What’s wrong?" The younger brother inquired, placing his hand on the glass to meet Miho’s.

Yes, he could.

"Nothing big, Juho. Just a little tired. I’ve been busy with work."

Miho was a bad liar.

"Don’t be so hard on yourself, sis. You are always pushing yourself too far."

I saw that Juho could tell something was odd, but being the considerate young boy he was, he probably didn’t want to press on the issue. His sister would tell him if it was something that had to be told, or if could be something that would have felt if expressed in words.

"How are you feeling?" The tigress asked, her voice weak, but still with an unbroken will to look after her only remaining kin. Her instinct to kill, and her instinct to protect - neither of them may ever disappear completely. Although I hoped that the former would fade with time. How long though...?

"I’m feeling good. I almost finished reading the last book Uncle Shin sent me."

The boy was thoughtful enough to know his sister was hurting, but of course, imagining any possibility that something might have happened to Shin was probably out of his capacity. There were only two constants in his life: Miho and Shin. And despite his love for his sister, if he had to pick one person who was more reliable, he’d probably have said it was Shin.

The three of them, all broken in their own ways, lived the life of exile together. Often separated, but never alone. Shin was the father, Juho the son, and Miho was the Holy Spirit of Death, a wicked trinity built on blood.

I wondered if I could ever be a new pillar to hold the spiritual home together and prevent its collapse. It was a daunting task, but there was only one person who could fulfill that role now - me.

But my lover couldn’t handle it. She was collapsing herself - inward. She couldn’t hold back from crying and tears ran down her cheeks. My heart was tearing apart as I saw her suffer.

"Shin... Shin is..."

I didn’t think she meant to, but I knew she couldn’t stop herself from breaking the news. Not because it was necessary for Juho to know, but because he was the only one who could feel the same pain she was feeling. The elder sister didn’t want to hurt her brother. She would have held back if she could. But the crushing loneliness of not having anyone who could come remotely close to understanding her grief, that was what was pushing her to telling Juho about Shin’s death.

As gently as possible, I embraced Miho from behind and whispered into her ear.

"Not now, Miho. I’m really sorry, but I don’t want you to regret this. Just not now. Please."

She swallowed, clenched her fist, rubbed her cheek dry against my face, and pulled herself together.

"Ha... Shin is such an idiot."

But there was a gloom in Juho’s face. He could feel that something happened to Shin. He hadn’t seen his sister look so broken before.

The boy, though, was brave beyond his age. His frail body was a home to spirit that was stronger than Miho and I combined, at least for this moment.

With teary eyes, Juho smiled and answered.

"Yeah, he’s an idiot, sometimes. Just tell him... that I... miss him."

Then both of them fell on their knees. Their palms placed on the glass. Unable to embrace. This was as close as they could get. As much comfort as they could provide each other. Sobs turned into wail, screams - absolute despair.

I accepted that for now, there wasn’t anything I could do. Sometimes the only thing we can do is mourn and grieve. The wounds may never heal, and we just have to live on with the scars. But at least we can cry and scream when it hurts - no, not we just that we can, but we really should.

After the tears finally ran dry and voices cracked beyond repair, the siblings stood up. The glass wall separated them but their hearts were connected, as if the same blood circulated between them.

"I will be gone for a while, Juho. A bit longer than usual. But I will be back. And when I do come back... everything will be better. I promise." Miho assured her brother.

"Of course, Miho. I know you will be back." Juho believed in her.

"Always."

"Always."

With that, we said our goodbyes and left the boy behind.

When we came out of the facility, it was starting to rain. Something between drizzle and mild shower.

"What now?"

Standing in the rain, looking up at the dark clouds, letting the rain wash away the stains of her tears, Miho asked me.

"We go home." I told her.

"Where is our home?" She asked. Again.

"We will build one."

My lover understood now and squeezed my hand.

We stood. Drenched in sorrow. And still, defiant.