Martial Arts Ain't Anything Special-Chapter 5: Crazy Perverted Sex Fiend Scumbag

“...I’ll kill you.”

Chunbong’s glare was painfully sharp.

“...You crazy perverted sex fiend scumbag.”

Seojun felt unashamed. He hadn’t done anything crazy like touching her inappropriately in reality. He just wiped her down with a wet cloth.

She saw my whole body first when I got stabbed anyways.

But Chunbong didn’t care.

“...I should cut that off.”

“Eh? Cut what off?”

If looks could kill, there’d already be a huge hole in his lower body.

Honestly a bit scared, he covered himself with his hands and quickly backed away. Chunbong let out a big sigh.

“Fuck, now I can’t get a husband.”

“It was just medical treatment! If I keep my mouth shut, no one will know.”

“Just die already!”

Objects came flying. She must be embarrassed.

“Hey hey, it’s okay. That body’s gonna break the hearts of many men when you grow up... you little shit...! Why do you have a rock in here?!”

“You... just wait till I can get up. You better be prepared.”

“Heheh.”

Seojun approached Chunbong, laughing like a villain.

“Listen, Master Chunbong. Surely you understand that I can’t miss this opportunity.”

“You’re finally showing your true colors...! You rapist!”

“Huh?”

Chunbong ignored her aching body, leaping to her feet and charging fiercely.

“Die!”

A flurry of punches came flying with surprising force. But in the end, she was just a sick little girl. After a brief struggle, Seojun subdued her and let out a loud laugh.

“Muahaha! Now submit to my care!”

You’ll get revenge when you’re better? Then I’ll tame you with care so you won’t even think of revenge.

“Kuh...! I’ll kill you!”

But after all that fuss, her body he had just washed was soaked in sweat again. He couldn’t let that slide.

“Again, again...!”

After being washed once more, Chunbong finally calmed down. Maybe she realized she’d be washed again if she got sweaty? Or maybe she was starting to give up after going through it twice.

Seeing her limp and lifeless, Seojun felt a bit sorry and spoke to her.

“Hey, Kim Chunbong. Why so lifeless?”

“...It’s because of you, son of a bitch. And my name’s not Kim, it’s Geum.”

“What?”

Geum Chunbong? What kind of name is that?

Genuinely a bit shocked, he just rolled his eyes all over the place, earning him another fierce glare.

“You dumbass. Did you really think my name was Chunbong? You sure don’t use your brain, huh?”

“It was fake? I thought it was your real name.”

“...Hee.”

“Why are you suddenly laughing?”

Thwack! Something flew and hit him square on the head.

“Ow...!”

“Moron. My name is Hee. Geum Hee.”

“Hmm... Geum Hee. What a pretty name.”

After pondering for a moment, Seojun asked.

“Don’t tell me, the word Hee as in Princess?”1

“That is one meaning, yes.”

“Is that allowed? Doesn’t anyone say anything?”

In most martial arts novels, there was a distinction between murim and the government. There was even a saying that the two must not interfere with each other.

Even so, it was generally understood that people usually avoided using words like Wang or Je or Hee in their names unless they were trying to provoke the imperial family.

“Who’s gonna say anything? My family can do as we please.”

“Oh.... Is your dad the emperor by any chance?”

“Stop saying bullshit. Don’t try to dig deeper. And don’t go around telling people my name.”

“Oh my god.”

Seojun quickly approached Chunbong and grabbed her cheeks.

“Aww, look at my Chunbong, telling your big brother all this. Such a good little sis- OW!”

That bastard. At least she didn’t aim for any vital points, so I’ll let it slide.

*It seemed Chunbong had pushed herself too hard despite being sick and soon fell into a deep sleep.

Seojun went outside to check today’s gains, but...

“I can’t see a thing.”

How could he see anything with no streetlights? He just stuffed everything in the house and came out with only a sword.

This is a real sword.

It was probably what they called a pudao. The blade was sharp as if it had been taken good care of it.

The pudao was heavier than expected, yet surprisingly light. Of course, it wasn’t something he could swing around recklessly with his younger body.

“Nice.”

But who am I? Lee Seojun, the MUGONG Master.

He gripped the pudao with both hands and raised it high towards the sky.

The night sky was especially bright without any artificial lights. Starlight or moonlight, some faint light scattered on the rough surface of the pudao.

That sight overlapped with what happened earlier today. That sensation of bringing down the sky. The Weight of Mount Tai from the Three Principles Sword Technique. Just as the name implied.

Swoosh!

A thrilling sensation ran through his hands. As if in a trance, Seojun swung the sword, gradually feeling his mind grow hazy.

His body swung the sword, but it felt like he wasn’t swinging it. Rather than thoughts about the sword, other thoughts wandered through his mind.

That Chunbong...

Why did she suddenly reveal her name?

Because I found out she was a girl? Did she start to trust me because I didn’t do anything? That doesn’t seem right.

Maybe it’s a kind of plea. Like, don’t leave now that I’ve told you something so important.

Or maybe she’s just a kid and didn’t think much of it.

Who knows.

All that matters is that the moonlit night is beautiful, that I’m swinging a sword, and that Chunbong is a prickly little sister.

He danced with the sword for a long time under the bright moonlit sky.

*“Rise and shine.”

The moment faint sunlight seeped through the collapsed ceiling, Seojun sprang up.

Is this martial arts?

He went to bed late and woke up early, yet his body felt refreshed. Chunbong was still sound asleep. He quietly grabbed the pudao and left the house.

Swinging the pudao and working up a good sweat made his stomach growl, demanding food.

Seojun returned home and wiped his body with a damp cloth. Amidst his humming, he heard grumbling.

“...Crazy bastard. Now that you know I’m a girl, couldn’t you do that where I can’t see?”

“What nonsense is that? What girl? You’re just a brat.”

“...Son of a bitch.”

Chunbong got up from her spot, groaning. Seojun immediately tackled her back down.

“Aah...! What are you doing!”

“Take it easy. I’ll go buy some food.”

“Buy?”

Seojun dangled a money pouch in front of Chunbong’s eyes. Needless to say, it was money taken from those criminal guys’ pockets.

“We’ve got some money now.”

Of course, not enough to be extravagant, so he still planned to steal some tanghulu.

“You’re not planning to go out like that, right?”

“Like what? I’m going out like this.”

“Leave the sword behind, you moron.”

Chunbong pointed at the pudao awkwardly tied to his waist with cloth.

“Why? It’s good to have a weapon for self-defense.”

“Are you retarded? Their gang members would love to see that.”

Gang? You mean those criminal friends have more buddies?

“Can’t you tell just by looking? They’re Black Path vermin. Seems like they’ve learned some martial arts too, though probably just low-ranking trash techniques.”

“Those lackeys?”

“They probably have some position. Regular lackeys would have trouble getting pudaos like that.”

“Ah, I see.”

He obediently left the pudao at home. Chunbong, who had been groaning, thought for a moment then suddenly got up.

“Hey, how much money is in there?”

“I told you to lie down.”

“Oh come on! Are you my mother!?”

Chunbong snatched the money pouch, roughly checked the amount, then nodded.

“This should be enough. Let’s go.”

*“Can’t you go any faster? You’re so slow.”

Chunbong, proudly riding on his back, kicked his butt with her feet.

“Want me to throw you off?”

“Try it, you bastard.”

“I just might.”

When he pretended to throw her, Chunbong tightly hugged his neck.

“Gak...! Hey, hey! You’re choking me!”

“Serves you right.”

Carrying the now high-spirited Chunbong, they arrived at what was clearly a blacksmith’s shop following her directions. There were mostly farming tools like sickles and hoes, but they didn’t look particularly high quality.

“Let’s buy you a sword here.”

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“A sword? Didn’t you tell me to learn qi arts?”

“I was wrong. You just have exceptional talent.”

Following Chunbong’s tapping hands, they moved to a corner as she started chattering explanations.

“Qi arts only become useful when you reach the Peak Realm. Before that, you can’t do anything with them.”

“Is that so?”

“Of course. The First-Rate Realm is when you can manifest inner qi outside your body. When you can freely manipulate that projected qi to some degree, you’re called a Peak Master.”

But qi arts started with manipulating externally projected inner qi. So naturally, to properly use qi arts, you needed to reach the Peak Realm first.

“Hm.”

After pondering, Seojun held Chunbong with one arm and stretched out his other arm.

“Isn’t this qi arts?”

He held his middle finger bent back with his thumb like he was about to flick his fingers.

Focus inner qi at the tip of the middle finger.

He recalled the sensation he accidentally achieved last night. It wasn’t difficult.

When he felt it, he flicked his middle finger as if flicking someone.

Pew—

A small scratch appeared on the surface of the tree he had aimed at. The inner qi gathered at his fingertip had flown like a bullet.

“Damn that’s fucking sick. I’ll call it Finger Bullet Technique...”

“What the fuck! How did you do that?!”

“Well, easily.”

It took quite a while to calm down the raging Chunbong before entering the blacksmith’s shop.

*“...You better explain this properly when we get home.”

“Got it, got it.”

As they opened the door to the blacksmith’s shop, an old man slowly walked over.

“Who are you lot? We don’t have food for beggars, so get lost.”

Despite his white hair, his arms were muscular. Martial arts or not, if he hit you on the head, it would probably burst.

While Seojun was choosing his words, Chunbong spoke up.

“We got it, we’ll pay for it, so get outta my ear.”

This brat clearly doesn’t know how to respect the elderly.

“What she said. Stop yapping, old man.”

I don’t either.

1. Hee 희 can have several meanings in Korean depending on the hanja that is used. In this one is using 姬 for Princess.