ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 289: Hazuki’s Rough Day ( )

The wagon rolled to a stop at the town gate.

The two dwarven guards leaned on their halberds lazily until they spotted the familiar crooked posture and thick beard of the wagon driver.

"Oy! Old man Girem!" one of them shouted, his dwarven accent as thick as his forearms. "Ye been busy these days, eh?"

Girem waved casually, puffing on his cigar. "Ain’t busy. Just droppin’ and pickin’ this lad here."

The guards turned their attention to Hazuki as he hopped down from the wagon. He was still barefoot, shirtless, and wearing nothing but the short dwarven pants Girem had tossed him.

The two guards burst out laughing.

"Pwahaha! Look at this human! Oy lad! Them pants be short even fer a dwarf! That ain’t style, that’s suicide!"

Hazuki scratched the back of his head, deadpan. "I don’t have much choice. Everything I had melted."

"Eh?"

"My adventurer ID too. Melted. Poison swamp." He held up his sword. "Only this survived."

The guards stopped laughing.

"...Fer real!?"

Hazuki nodded.

"By the stones... ye been to the poison swamp and came back with yer meat still attached?" the second guard asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah. Somehow."

They stared at him like he had just declared himself immortal.

One of them muttered, "He’s either blessed by the gods or cursed with dumb luck..."

Girem leaned over, grinning around his cigar. "Told ye he’s got a thick skull. Poison couldn’t melt that even if it tried."

Hazuki sighed and shrugged. "Yeah yeah. I’m going to the guild. Later."

The guards stepped aside, still whispering as he passed.

"Oi... I’ll be damned. First time seein’ a man walk outta that place and still got his eyebrows..."

Hazuki walked down the cobbled path with his usual slouched posture, one hand buried in his pocket and the other carefully clutching two rare herbs—Chusi flower and Seraphis flower.

"Ridan."

"Huh?" The floating spirit rotated midair, lazily doing a slow backflip.

"We’re heading to the adventurer guild first. I need to hand in this Chusi flower... and I’ll have to request a reissue for my adventurer plate too."

"Yeah, yeah," Ridan muttered, spinning lazily again with that same smug grin on his face. "Naked swamp quest. Melty ID card. Truly a legend in the making."

As they walked toward the town’s heart, the dwarves along the roadside whispered among themselves.

"Fer real?"

"Aye. Girem himself confirmed it—swore on his beard, no less!"

"Said the lad brought back Nardok from the swamp. The Nardok! And walkin’ all fine too!"

"That black-haired human’s still alive!?"

One dwarf squinted toward the street and nudged his companion.

"Oi, there he is!"

Hazuki kept walking down the main road of the dwarven town, completely unaware of the growing murmurs trailing behind him. Conversations and whispers followed like wind at his back—but he didn’t notice. He was too focused on the task ahead.

"After handing over the Chusi flower," he muttered aloud, "we’re going to buy new clothes. Pants. Maybe a new side bag."

"Up to you, Hazuki. Not my problem," Ridan replied while lazily circling around him like a slow-moving cloud with smug undertones.

Hazuki rubbed the back of his neck, glancing down at the simple dwarven short pants Girem lent him.

"Yeah... can’t go around looking like this."

"You did crawl out of poison soup with your third leg flapping," Ridan muttered under his breath.

Hazuki ignored him.

"After that, we go eat. Maybe soup or grilled meat."

"Meat again, huh?" Ridan teased.

"And then," Hazuki said, now gripping the delicate Seraphis flower gently with one hand, "we’ll find that little girl and give her this. She asked nicely. I kinda wanna see her happy face."

Ridan floated lower, watching Hazuki’s back in silence.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Good idea."

They turned the corner—guild just ahead now, still buzzing with dwarves.

Unseen by Hazuki, one of the guild scouts outside the door whispered to his partner, "That’s the guy. Swear on me beard—that’s the poison swamp lunatic."

"Aye. That lad got guts."

The guild door creaked open, letting in the faint scent of sweat, oil, and smoke typical of a dwarven adventurer hub.

Hazuki stepped in, casually holding up two Chusi flowers.

Behind the counter were the usual two dwarf receptionist girls.

The first one, with a friendly smile and clear human speech, perked up.

The second one, rough-voiced and loud, leaned over the counter with both hands down, her golden eyes narrowing.

"Yo, human!" she barked, "Givin’ up on the quest already? Got scared of a little swamp gas, eh?"

Hazuki blinked, then held up the flowers like it was no big deal. "Ah, no. Actually—here." He set the two Chusi flowers gently on the counter. "I finished it. Got two. Oh, and I need to reissue my adventurer plate. It... melted when I slipped into a poison swamp pool."

Both girls froze.

The friendly one’s eyes widened. "You... slipped into the poison swamp and came back alive?"

The rough girl snorted, leaned in closer, then raised her voice, "Oi! Oi, oi! Ye mean t’ tell me ye took a dive in death soup an’ all ye lost was yer pants!?"

"Technically everything melted except my sword," Hazuki corrected, rubbing the back of his head. "So, yeah."

There was a beat of stunned silence.

The rough girl whistled low. "Sheesh... this lad’s got rocks fer brain or boulders fer balls. Maybe both."

The friendlier one cleared her throat, trying to keep her professionalism. "Please wait a moment. I’ll process the quest submission and call for your plate reissue."

She took the Chusi flowers gently like they were glass. "These... are real. Intact. Fresh. I’ll have to report this to the guild master. Please wait at the bench over there, Mister Hazuki."

The rough dwarf girl leaned over the counter again with a wild grin, licking her lips like she was checking out the daily meat special.

"Hey lad... not bad muscle ya got there. Didn’t expect that under those ragged pants."

Before Hazuki could even react—

ZAP!!

A bright flash shot out from his pinky finger.

"GIIIIHHHH!!" the girl yelped, jerking violently before collapsing backward onto the floor like a fried squirrel.

Ridan, still floating nearby, blinked. "Whoa... direct hit."

The other receptionist gasped. "You okay, Mima!?"

The rough girl—Mima—sat up, hair a bit frazzled but grinning like she’d just been punched by love itself.

"Heh... good one, lad. That pinky ring ain’t messin’ around, huh?" She wiped a bit of soot from her cheek, unfazed.

"But that don’t mean I can’t feast with my eyes, eh?"

She gave a slow, appreciative nod, eyes still gleaming mischievously.

Hazuki sighed, rubbing his temples. "Can’t I have just one normal interaction in a guild?"

Ridan floated lower and snorted. "Nope. Not when you keep walking around like a half-naked beast magnet with a cursed marriage ring."

Hazuki didn’t respond. He just shook his head and muttered, "I really need to get some clothes..."

( End Of Chapter )

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