ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 219: A Day in the Life of Hazuki ( )

Elvia cowered behind the bush, frozen in place, her cheeks burning like glowing coals. She didn’t blink, didn’t move—just stared with wide, stunned eyes.

Next to her, Chasia sat on the ground with both hands on her knees, openly gawking at Hazuki’s completely exposed display.

"It’s... huge..." Chasia whispered softly, as if in a trance.

Elvia immediately nudged her elbow hard, snapping her out of it.

"C-Chasia!! Don’t look!!"

"I’m just curious..." Chasia replied dreamily, eyes still fixed on Hazuki’s bare front.

Meanwhile, the boys group had already run back toward the orphanage’s new outdoor showers, faces ghostly pale.

"Nope nope nope—"

"No way I’m bathing there today!!"

"I-I can’t compete with THAT!!"

"My self-esteem’s gone forever..." one of the older boys muttered, nearly tripping over his sandals.

Back in the stream—

Hazuki stood tall in the morning sun, casually lathering soap over his arms and shoulders, completely relaxed, humming a tune only he knew.

He rinsed his hair, turned around, stretched, and scratched his back—totally carefree.

Ridan, floating in lazy circles above the stream, let out a long, exaggerated sigh.

"This is why plenty of people think you’re crazy," Ridan said flatly.

Hazuki just smirked and splashed water on his face.

"Hey, I’m just living life, man. A man’s gotta enjoy his bath. Nature! Nature!"

Ridan raised an eyebrow-shaped mist above his eye sockets.

"Yeah, well... you also just traumatized a whole generation of kids," he replied.

Hazuki shrugged and dunked his whole body into the stream.

Elvia finally grabbed Chasia’s arm, whispering through clenched teeth, "Let’s go!!"

"But I want to—"

"No."

"I didn’t finish looking—"

"NO."

As Elvia tugged Chasia away from the bushes, her cheeks still blazing red, she looked back one last time at the unbothered, carefree human enjoying his bath in the stream.

Hazuki was now whistling.

Still naked.

Still shameless.

Still... perfectly fine with being stared at.

Elvia hurriedly turned back around, her face burning hotter than a ripe crimson fruit.

In her mind—

Mou~ Uncle... why are you like this?

Her pout deepened as she tugged harder on Chasia’s sleeve.

Why do you let her stare like that!? Why not get embarrassed a little!? Or at least cover yourself...!

She puffed her cheeks in frustration.

It’s unfair... Only I should get to see... that. Not that I want to... I mean—I already did... b-but still!

She shook her head violently, trying to banish the image.

Chasia giggled behind her.

"Elvia~ he’s really well-built for someone who acts lazy all the time, huh?"

"Don’t talk about him like that!!" Elvia snapped defensively.

"Ehhh~? Why not? You like him too, right?" Chasia smirked.

Elvia quickly turned away, flustered and embarrassed.

"N-No I don’t!"

Ridan floated lazily in the air, circling above the stream as Hazuki rinsed his face and exhaled in contentment.

"Heh... if you did this back in your old world, what was it called again? Jepun?"

"Japan," Hazuki corrected, still half-heartedly scrubbing his arms.

"Right. So, what would happen if you suddenly appeared there like this? Naked. In the stream. Snake out?"

Hazuki chuckled, unfazed.

"If I was the one who suddenly appeared and was waving it around, I’d probably get arrested. But if I’m just showering in the woods like this?"

He shrugged.

"Worst case, some old guy from the neighborhood comes over, gives me a warning, and gives me the disappointed uncle stare—that look of theirs."

Ridan chuckled, floating a bit lower.

"So, no jail?"

"Not unless I’m doing it in front of a school or a public fountain in Tokyo. Forest? Nah. It’s just washing up here."

Hazuki glanced at the trees surrounding him. "This is nature, man. It’s more illegal to dump garbage here than to rinse your balls."

Ridan whistled. "Makes sense. But still... that little elf girl might be scarred for life."

Hazuki shrugged again.

"Wasn’t my fault they peeked," he said casually. "It’s a blessing anyway."

He stood tall under the morning sun, hands on his hips like a mythical jungle king, as the early light dried every drop of water on his skin.

Ridan floated nearby, arms crossed—or whatever his misty form considered "arms."

"Ridan?" Hazuki asked casually, gazing at the sky.

"What?" Ridan muttered, not even bothering to look.

Hazuki tilted his head slightly, swaying his hips left and right like a bored dancer.

"Don’t stare too much at my snake," he said with a smirk.

Ridan recoiled in mid-air.

"Who’s staring!? I wasn’t staring!!"

Hazuki smirked wider.

"You hovered pretty low a second ago. Just saying."

"I WAS FLOATING NATURALLY!!"

Hazuki snorted, then looked down at himself, casually scratching his thigh.

"Ridan?"

"What now?"

Hazuki paused, thinking for a moment.

Then he said, with the seriousness of a drunken scholar:

"What’s the point of this blessing?"

He gestured lazily to his lower half with a dramatic sway.

"If I can’t even hit a brothel?"

Ridan stopped mid-spin, his spectral form freezing.

Then he let out a long, flat reply:

"Don’t know. Don’t ask. Not my jurisdiction."

Hazuki sighed loudly, like a man denied blessed access to paradise.

"Life’s unfair, man. You’re born with legendary equipment... but pinky promise says, ’No other girl. Or divine lightning zap zap.’"

"Could be worse," Ridan muttered.

"How?"

"You could’ve been small."

Hazuki grinned.

"Yeah. Good point."

He struck a playful pose, flexing a bit, then began gathering his clothes to change.

Ridan floated down and lightly landed on Hazuki’s left shoulder, arms crossed behind his back.

"So, what’s next?"

"Dunno... maybe breakfast," Hazuki said lazily, slipping into his shirt while half-hiking his trousers with one hand.

"Grill some meat?" Ridan asked hopefully.

"Where?" Hazuki shot him a side glance. "All the drake meat from yesterday’s haul is already gone. You were there. Hovering over every bite like a starving ghost."

"Hey, don’t blame me for that. I was excited—I can finally eat real food now. I can eat anything you cook. No longer just touch or stare at it. So, it’s not my fault," Ridan pouted.

Hazuki buckled his belt, stretched his arms overhead, then cracked his neck.

Ridan floated up briefly, then settled back on Hazuki’s shoulder.

"Alright, then. Since breakfast’s a no-go... why not head to the adventurer’s guild? Ask about the reward."

Hazuki tilted his head, blinking slowly.

"What reward?"

"The rift monsters," Ridan said patiently. "Last night? The ones you happily chopped, kicked, and flung into the afterlife like it was a festival game?"

Hazuki scratched his cheek, eyes drifting toward the sky.

"Oh. That. I kinda forgot about it," he said casually, waving a hand.

"The guild’s probably lining up to throw gold coins at your feet." Ridan smirked teasingly at Hazuki.

Hazuki shrugged.

"Hmm... but I dunno. The adventurer guild folks can be pretty annoying."

"You’re just mad they rejected your goblin ears last time."

"Wrong ears! Who even checks if they’re left or right?! It was still a goblin, damnit!"

Ridan chuckled.

"You’re hopeless."

Hazuki exhaled, tying his sword sheath to his belt, then rolled his shoulders.

"Whatever. Let’s go see how much they’re gonna short-change me this time."

( End Of Chapter )

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