I'm an Infinite Regressor, But I've Got Stories to Tell-Chapter 423

There was a person named Yoo Young-hee.

She was a philosophy professor.

That is, she had worked hard to secure a full professorship in the philosophy department, but in the end, she was an ordinary person who never reached that throne even as she became an old woman.

That ordinary person was called an adjunct lecturer.

Her failure on this arduous journey proved that reality and games were different things.

Looking at her résumé, she had followed the tech tree of [University: Seoul-area → Graduate School (Master’s): Seoul National University → Ph.D.: Top German University, Valedictorian].

If this were a game, she would be treated as a scholar who had leveled up step by step.

But somehow, in the “game nation” of South Korea, she had to face the cold assessment of, “Ugh, your tech tree’s all over the place? Looks like you rolled a trash character.”

Professor Yoo Young-hee, a philosopher whose papers were actually cited more often abroad than domestically, could only be defeated time after time in the competition for full professorships by characters who had walked the neat tech tree of [Seoul National → Seoul National → Seoul National].

“So I’m telling you, this paper is really going to make waves this time.”

Even past sixty, Yoo Young-hee’s passion for academia had not dimmed.

Meeting a friend now and then to chat about philosophy was her joy in life.

“Nietzsche originally tried to write about Kant for his doctoral dissertation, you know.

In the end, the flow from Kant to Schopenhauer, and from Schopenhauer to Nietzsche, is what completed that unique metaphysics.”

“……”

“Eternal recurrence wasn’t some idea that popped up suddenly—it’s a metaphysical conclusion that’s inevitably drawn once you accept Kant’s premises.

This paper will clearly trace that flow which has been neglected all this time. You see? The world is repeating itself.”

Yoo Young-hee’s old friend—an academic colleague who, like her, had spent her life moving from one part-time lecturer job to another—remained silent.

Then she set down in her hand her friend’s “masterpiece,” in other words, the epochal thesis that was supposed to overturn the field of philosophy.

“Young-hee.”

“Mm?” 𝓯𝙧𝓮𝓮𝒘𝓮𝙗𝙣𝒐𝒗𝒆𝓵.𝓬𝓸𝒎

“…This is the paper you wrote for your Ph.D., isn’t it?”

Age sixty-three.

Yoo Young-hee had developed dementia.

Hình dạng

2

Time passed.

But the time of Adjunct Lecturer Yoo Young-hee curiously became more and more stagnant.

No one—about 99.99% of humanity—had any interest in what kind of life this ordinary woman named Yoo Young-hee had lived or what studies she had devoted herself to.

“Hey, you damn bastard! You do it!”

“Aaaah! Aaaaaahhh!”

Thus it was statistically inevitable that her son and daughter-in-law belonged to that same 99.99%.

‘They’re fighting again.’

As her dementia worsened, Yoo Young-hee could no longer even get lecturer assignments.

She had lived a life that, though she came from nothing, had blossomed into that of a scholar through her own shining talent and the state’s support.

It was an achievement one could only barely reach by staking one’s entire life and luck.

Thus, Yoo Young-hee had devoted everything to academia.

But she had no money.

“What do you want me to do?! Huh?! What do you want me to doooo?!”

“Aaaaaahhh!”

What little savings she had were quickly exhausted.

Her son, who “took care of her,” was not even blood-related.

When she was younger, before her divorce, she had adopted an orphan with a man she later separated from.

‘So noisy. My ears hurt.’

Now, Yoo Young-hee blankly watched as her son and daughter-in-law screamed, shouted, and hit each other.

In her son’s face, she sometimes tried to trace the features of her former husband, Cho Young-soo, whose whereabouts were now unknown.

But she couldn’t. They didn’t resemble each other at all.

‘It’d be nice if they didn’t fight. It’s too noisy—I can’t even read.’

She grumbled.

‘No, still. Kids grow up fighting, that’s what they say. All the more reason for me to keep this household steady.’

With a small groan, Yoo Young-hee stood up.

She opened the wardrobe, took out a suit, and dressed herself neatly.

When she came out to the living room, her son, exhausted from the marital fight, looked up at her.

“What now, Mom? What’s with you again?”

“Hm?”

“Why are you wearing weird clothes again?”

Yoo Young-hee blinked. She was a little puzzled.

“I have to go to work. I have a lecture today.”

“What—what lecture? Mom, you got fired! Four years ago!”

“Fired? Who says I’m fired? I’ve got a Kant lecture today. Midterms are coming up—I need to drop some hints about the exam questions.”

“Argh! Get out! Just get out!”

Good grief. If he says get out, I’ll go out. What nonsense.

Yoo Young-hee thought about scolding her son, but strangely, she didn’t have the energy.

She just sighed and hurried off to “work.”

At the hill of the shantytown, she waited for the green village bus.

Then, suddenly, she looked up at the blue sky.

‘Where was I going again? Ah. School.’

She quickly went back home.

To get to elementary school, she had to ride her bicycle.

‘Walking’s fine, but that’d take two hours!’

She loved her grandfather.

And she could feel that he loved her, too.

Maybe that’s why he gave her the red, pretty bicycle he’d never bought for her siblings.

“Huh? Where’s my bike?”

She grew flustered. The bike should have been parked in the yard, but no matter how hard she searched, it was nowhere.

“Aw…”

She was sad.

She loved the scent of wet grass carried on the summer wind when she rode her bicycle down the rural road.

“Why’s it gone? Did Grandpa ride it somewhere? Why’s it gone…”

Then suddenly, a voice came from behind her.

“Grandmother.”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing there?”

When she turned, her granddaughter was standing at the gate, looking straight at her.

Her beautiful granddaughter. The most beautiful child in the world.

Though not connected by blood, she felt more like family than anyone.

“Oh, Ji-won!”

“Yes, Grandmother.”

Her granddaughter, Yoo Ji-won, bowed politely.

“It’s hot, ma’am. Why are you outside? Shouldn’t you stay in?”

“I was looking for your younger sibling!”

“Pardon?”

Yoo Ji-won tilted her head.

“My younger sibling…? You mean me?”

“Yes!”

“Excuse me, Grandmother, but I don’t have a younger sibling. My parents only have me.”

“No, you do!”

Yoo Young-hee’s voice rose unconsciously.

Good heavens. No younger sibling?

Her granddaughter was such a sweet girl, but sometimes she said scary things.

“There’s So-won. Yoo So-won. Your little sister. She can barely walk yet!”

“……”

“I haven’t seen her lately. Oh dear, your father must have abandoned her. Huh? What are we going to do? Your father and mother must’ve abandoned her. Oh, Ji-won…”

Yoo Ji-won’s expression as she looked at her grandmother was blank. As always.

With eyes devoid of emotion, she gazed at her.

“Your suit looks lovely.”

“Huh?”

“My grandmother is quite the dresser. Are you going to school to lecture?”

“Oh, lecture! That’s right! I have a lecture today!”

“My, it’s already quite late. You’ll be tardy at this rate. Let me escort you—please follow me.”

“Okay!”

Holding her granddaughter’s hand, Yoo Young-hee crossed the gate, humming “lu-lu-la-la.”

She wanted to skip a little, but her body didn’t cooperate, so she just hummed with her lips.

The school was right nearby.

In the blink of an eye, after crossing a single alley, she was already at the classroom.

Wasn’t that too fast? She tilted her head.

“Is this the school, Ji-won?”

“Yes. A place where there are those who seek learning and those who give it. Thus, it is the finest of schools.”

“Ohh.”

How brilliant! How clever my granddaughter is!

Who did she take after? Her father had been smart when young but drank too much.

Her mother was a gambling addict.

Hmm, maybe she took after me.

What was that term… oh, right—atavism!

“Atavism!”

“Yes. I’ve always been a bit clever.”

“Heehee.”

“Mr. Matiz, are you here?”

Knock, knock.

Yoo Ji-won knocked on the “classroom” door. Soon, a shabby door opened.

“Oh, Ji-won. And… hm.”

Inside stood a sturdy man. Was he a student? Or a TA?

These days, TAs changed so often it was hard to remember faces.

In the old days, there were many young people who’d study steadily for five or six years.

Ji-won went up to him and whispered,

“Sorry. Please take care of her again today.”

“No need to apologize. I enjoy studying with Grandmother. She’s honestly brilliant.”

“Yes. Unfortunately, it seems others don’t realize that.”

“?”

A few steps away, Yoo Young-hee tilted her head.

Feeling a little left out, she was just about to feel sad when the man turned to her and spoke very politely.

“Professor.”

“Hm?”

“Please wait just a moment. The classroom’s not ready yet. It’s hot, but if you wait two minutes, I’ll tidy everything up.”

“Oh? Ah, yes. Of course.”

A short while later—

“Please come in, Professor.”

The classroom did indeed have a table and chairs.

There was even a small whiteboard.

Hm, but wasn’t it a bit small?

“Since when did the size of the classroom matter to learning, Grandmother? Philosophers were originally people too poor to rent rooms, holding lessons in hallways and courtyards.”

“……!”

Indeed!

Thinking that, she grew excited.

It felt just like those old days when they’d gather in a campus corner, penniless, and debate philosophy endlessly for hours.

No—it was those days.

“So, from Schopenhauer’s standpoint, time has no beginning. No starting point. You know when you read a book? You can start at the beginning, or just open to the middle at random. To Schopenhauer, time is like that.”

“Oh.”

“That’s something Kant’s philosophy discusses too—whether time has a beginning or not can’t be determined by human intellect. But Nietzsche’s different! For Nietzsche, within the limits of human cognition, the only conceivable diagram of time is circular! It’s a cycle. A repetition. Hence, eternal recurrence.”

Her granddaughter and the TA listened diligently.

Sometimes they debated. Sometimes they argued passionately.

Now and then, Yoo Young-hee would forget where she was—but strangely, only when discussing philosophy did her mind turn bright and clear.

She was happy.

“I’m learning so much from you, Professor.”

“Heehee.”

She liked the young man before her, too.

His name—oddly, she couldn’t remember. But she’d always been bad with names.

“You’re as fine a man as my Young-soo.”

“Mr. Young-soo?”

“Yes, Young-soo. My husband.”

University-student Yoo Young-hee smiled softly, lost in fondness.

“I used to smoke, but I never carried a lighter.”

“Why not?”

“So my husband would light it for me. I’d act like, ‘Oh? I forgot my lighter,’ and then he’d quietly come over and light it. I really liked that for some reason.”

“……”

“But after we adopted the baby, I quit smoking. Do you smoke, student?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Good! It’s really bad for you. I used to be a chain-smoker, but smoking just clouds your head.”

She laughed brightly.

“Lately, Young-soo doesn’t come home much. I’m worried. He’s stubborn but not good at working—if I leave him alone, he’ll starve.”

“Grandmother.”

Ji-won held her grandmother’s hand.

“Hm?”

“It’s time to go home now.”

“Oh my, look at me! I must’ve lectured too long! But you know, if you stop right at three hours, it feels too cold. If there’s more to say, you keep going—five, six hours if you must. That’s the spirit of scholarship.”

“Ahaha.”

The man laughed.

“Please come again, Professor.”

“Yes! See you next time!”

A few days later—

Her son and daughter-in-law.

They were gone.

“?”

Yoo Young-hee tilted her head and asked her granddaughter if she knew where her parents had gone.

Ji-won calmly replied,

“They went on a missionary trip to Japan.”

“Oh? Is that so?”

“Yes. The church sent them on a special mission, so they left in a hurry. They call occasionally, so don’t worry, Grandmother.”

“Oh my. Still, they should’ve said goodbye. Well, young people should travel abroad. Good. Good for them.”

Wonderful!

She’d been worried—her son and daughter-in-law had been fighting too much lately. She feared they might divorce, like she had.

A steady income brings a steady heart. If they’re earning again, they’ll fight less.

“Hee-hee-hmm~”

Feeling cheerful, Yoo Young-hee put on jeans for the first time in ages.

Recently, they hadn’t fit—maybe she’d gained weight.

But this time, they went on smoothly.

‘That’s me, all right!’

Today she had a date with Young-soo, so she paid special attention to her outfit.

In the mirror, she saw a body that had grown slim instead of plump.

No need for dieting.

‘Cigarettes… oh, where are my cigarettes?’

She searched high and low, overturning the wardrobe, but couldn’t find even one pack.

Poor student as she was, she had always placed a bit of her romance in a cigarette pack.

So she felt uneasy.

‘Ah, but I’ll be late! I’ll buy cigarettes later—I need to hurry!’

As she rushed, her foot caught on the clothes she’d scattered, and she fell.

“Ow!”

It hurt.

But she got up bravely.

Today—she somehow knew—today, Young-soo was going to propose to her.

‘He hasn’t spent a cent on dates these past few months. What’s he up to? Why’s he saving money?’

Heehee, she laughed. Her knee throbbed painfully, yet she felt happy.

‘Should I turn him down once?’

No matter how poor she was, she was still an intellectual. Playing hard to get once—wasn’t that the right kind of act?

‘But oh no! If he really proposes, I might cry.’

And indeed, tears fell.

Whether from the pain in her knee or from happiness, she couldn’t tell.

Groaning softly, crawling, she managed to get out the door.

Today. It had to be today.

She had to go out—there was a reason.

“Ah.”

And that reason was right now, walking toward her along the gray, time-worn asphalt alley.

“So-won!”

“……”

The woman walking quietly stopped.

She turned. Surprise flickered across her beautiful face.

But before she could speak, Yoo Young-hee brushed off her knees and ran to embrace her “second” granddaughter tightly.

“Oh, So-won! You’re alive! You’re alive.”

“……”

“I thought—your parents—I thought they’d abandoned you! You were such a good child, such a kind one… and then you disappeared. Oh, I worried so much.”

“……”

Hesitating, the young woman gently returned her embrace.

Then she brushed her grandmother’s shoulder with her cheek.

“I’m sorry, Grandmother.”

“Hm? What for?”

“For not visiting more often.”

“Oh, it’s fine! You’re alive—that’s what matters. Just being alive, my dear So-won. How did you grow up so beautifully? Hm?”

“……”

“Such a lovely child. Such a beautiful girl… Why would anyone torment her? Those awful people.”

Softly.

The woman, Yoo So-won, the second granddaughter, gently stroked her grandmother’s frail back with a hand even thinner than her own.

Her touch felt good. Soft.

Yoo Young-hee smiled widely.

Her parents had always scolded her for crying and laughing at the same time, but she found herself doing that every day now.

“Grandmother, where were you going?”

“Me? To work! I have a lecture at school!”

“Oh my. Right. You were quite a renowned scholar, weren’t you? If it’s not rude, may I accompany you?”

“Of course!”

Hand in hand, Yoo Young-hee and her granddaughter happily set off for “work.”

She had thought she’d never see her granddaughter again—and now she’d grown so beautiful!

She was truly happy.

“It’s me.”

“Yes, please come i—oh? Professor?”

“I’ll be auditing today, too.”

“……”

“She’s my grandmother, after all.”

The man looked at Yoo So-won.

‘Oh.’

It was only a brief exchange of glances, but with her experience in dating, marriage, and divorce—all three sacred relics of life—Yoo Young-hee could sense it instantly.

‘Oh no! My So-won likes that TA!’

Utterly dismayed.

‘But Ji-won likes him too! Oh, Young-soo! What do I do?!’

Both sisters liking the same man—this was like an old soap opera.

She even felt a vague sense of betrayal.

She’d thought he was just a kind TA, a rare young man with academic zeal.

Such treachery!

google translate not ai {{Her face suddenly turned to look at the man.

“Hmm...”

“?”

“You. I'll be watching."

"???"

Of course, we couldn’t talk for long.

Yoo Young-hee was a instructor. She had a job, and she had to go to class.

It sounded really ridiculous.

“So – if the world repeats itself. That eternal debate. In other words, the question of whether man has free will or is determined mechanically is solved in a short time!”

“Hee.”

“Because if I do something now, if the world repeats itself, the horizon of time that we’ve thought of as the past is actually the future. We are now deciding the future, and even the past!”

“...”

Why is it that every human life is decided materially? Why do people still feel free to act? This seemingly incompatible contradiction is resolved very neatly by presupposing the repetition of time!”

For the first time, I liked the name “time instructor” for his job.

I don't know why, but I felt like I was teaching about time with a man and a granddaughter in front of me.

“Decisionism and libertarianism actually worked at the same time. Nietzsche knew this. Then there's the other problem. If you decide all of your life, if you decide the present, the future, and the past at this moment. You have to accept that life, you say.”

Since when has the time of Yoo Young-hee been exhausted?

But curiously, when I was looking at that man, and from the moment I was reunited with my granddaughter today, I felt time go by.

“Huh.”

She.

Young-hee loved Young-hee.

I loved the support and wishes.

There was a lot of sadness, but also a lot of love.

The girl was so happy.

- Someone who was a skeptic. 結.}}