I'm an Infinite Regressor, But I've Got Stories to Tell-Chapter 388

WeTried Translations

Translator: ZERO_SUGAR

Chapter 388

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The Suicidal VI

Sssk.

– [Samcheon] MeteorIsIceMagic: I used to like the Undertaker because he always charged to the front and took down monsters faster than anyone, but fuck, he had the nerve to look away from our Great Witch? My back of the head still stings, lol (400m)

└AnonymousMischiefMaker: I knew this would happen

“…”

Even if I look over there.

– [National Highway] ForbiddenBooksDept17: Rumor’s been circling Tower of Babel for days. They say the Undertaker confessed to the Director first. (500m)

└Anonymous: fr??

└[National Highway] ForbiddenBooksDept17: Yep. Was it a week ago? The Director-nim took a short vacation. She went with the Undertaker, and apparently that’s when he confessed. (500m)

└Anonymous: wow

└[Samcheon] MeteorIsIceMagic: This little punk, lololol (400m)

└Anonymous: Isn’t this fake news??

└AnonymousMischiefMaker: I knew this would happen, I just knew it

“…”

Even if I glance that way.

– dolLHOuse: It’s real (1,200m)

└Anonymous: wtf, a deep-layer source just verified it lololol

└Anonymous: So you’re telling me the Undertaker was flirting with the Great Witch of Samcheon World, but behind her back he sneaked off on vacation with the Director of the National Highway Corps and traded confessions?

└Anonymous: lololol

└Anonymous: But why is everyone logging out and commenting as guests??

└Anonymous: Because anyone bad-mouthing the Undertaker with their guild nickname showing in this situation would have to be crazy lolol

└Anonymous: fr lol most guild masters probably owe that guy all sorts of favors

└AnonymousMischiefMaker: I knew this would happen, and I knew that I knew it from a very, very long time ago, too

“...”

Every single post.

└Anonymous: Undertaker barista has rage-quit!!!

└Anonymous: Nooo, damn it, my daily joy—my iced Americano!!

“…”

Ahh.

My head went fuzzy.

Even so, I clung to my sanity.

‘If I lose it here too, annihilation! Everything ends!’

The door of hope has not yet slammed shut.

Modern times are different from the past. These days the only community left on the internet is SG Net. Compared to the golden age, it’s literally just a handful.

If I unleash the power of “SuchafuckingGarbageMan” here!

“Seo Gyu!”

“Ah… hyung.”

Basement of the National Highway Corps. I barged into the monster prison where Seo Gyu had been appointed as chief warden.

But for some reason the look in Seo Gyu’s eyes as he greeted me was troubling.

As if he had resigned himself to ‘Well, it’s finally here.’

Sensing danger, I immediately activated the patented technique of a regressor. I ‘pasted’ the regressor’s information straight into my brain.

“Right! My little bro! Wow, your shoulders get broader by the day. How do you end up with delts like that when all you do is smash cereal? Huh? It’s pure talent, talent. That’s real dinosaur DNA!”

“Ah. Thank you…”

“Your outdoor gym at Haeundae is popping off these days. Yeah? The members’ bodies are, whoa, if they were civilians back in the day they’d have entered competitions. Feeling stiff anywhere lately? Should I ask Uehara Shino to whip up some S-rank joint supplements?”

“Uh! N-no, I’m good, hyung.”

Inside my skull a siren shrieked.

Seo Gyu usually lit up at shoulder compliments, but he was lukewarm. That was beyond abnormal.

“Uh, uh-huh. Hmm. Anyway. SG Net’s been a little noisy lately…”

“Yes. Not just lately, it’s been on fire from last night straight through this morning.”

“Hmph. SG Net was founded so we could easily share info on anomalies.”

“It was, once.”

“Well. Hmm. I’m not sure it’s right to let fake news completely unrelated to our community’s purpose incite awakened ones like that.”

“…Hyung.”

A complicated look clouded Seo Gyu’s eyes.

“This place is, in the setting, a community run by Constellations. No matter how hot the boards get because of news about you, hyung, the Constellations have no reason to interfere.”

“Gasp, I’ve got a great idea. Let’s stage a blackout! Seo Gyu. We claim a ‘Blackout Anomaly’ appeared, shut down smartphone access across the board!”

“Hyung…”

Huh? Weird. We weren’t even talking Three Kingdoms trivia, yet Seo Gyu was looking at me just like back then.

“Please start facing reality.”

“W-what?”

“What good is sinking SG Net? No matter how much the kids there scream, it doesn’t affect you. The problem isn’t SG Net, it’s people around you like Dang Seo-rin noona or Chairwoman Cheon Yo-hwa, right?”

“…….”

“I’ll quietly make sure baseless rumors stay buried. So please, hyung, forget SG Net… uh?”

Seo Gyu stopped after glancing at his phone.

Every human born on the Korean peninsula has a special auditory device built in.

Just from the single syllable ‘uh’ we can instantly tell if it means affirmation, surprise, hesitation, and a rainbow of other nuances.

Seo Gyu’s ‘uh’ just now translated crystal-clear: ‘We’re screwed.’

“W-what is it? Why’re you like that?”

“…Hyung, um. You should probably take a look at the SG Net post that just hit the recommendations.”

I logged in.

– [EasternHolyState] NorthernSaintess: I have a confession for all believers, so I’m posting this. (1,200m)

“…”

The title alone sent a chill creeping up my spine from my tailbone.

Needless to say, ‘[EasternHolyState] NorthernSaintess’ was the nickname Sim Ah-ryeon used. Not OldManGoryeo, but the alias when she pretended to be the Saintess.

‘But Ah-ryeon said using that ID was boring and she hardly ever touched it.’

Why now of all times?

I tapped and read the body.

– I was informed that a rumor has been spreading on SG Net since yesterday.

– The rumor claims that someone called the “Undertaker” is dating, or in a similar relationship with, the Guild Master of Samcheon and the Director of the National Highway Corps.

– I wish to say a few words regarding this, so I have taken the difficult step of posting. As I am unfamiliar with community culture, please forgive any breaches of etiquette.

– Please, believers, do not be swayed by the incitement and defamation in this virtual space; stand firm in your faith.

– Because the Undertaker—far beyond what I deserve—confessed to me, Sim Ah-ryeon, who has been given the title of Northern Saintess, just last week.

– “I love you. Please go out with me.”

– …It was an extremely passionate confession. Even my heart fluttered without meaning to.

– But I am one who devotes herself solely to the love of God. After hearing Mr. Undertaker’s confession, we agreed to pursue a platonic communion of souls transcending the flesh.

– I trust him.

– If you think about it logically, someone who conveyed his feelings to me last week could not possibly be sharing romantic moments with others this week in full view of the public.

– Once again, I earnestly ask all members of the Eastern Holy State to refuse fake news.

– In the name of our Lord Mo Gwang-seo, Jesus Christ. Amen.

“……….”

“Hy-hyung, this is obviously bs, right?”

Seo Gyu watched my face.

Meanwhile the post’s upvotes kept climbing: one hundred, two hundred, three.

Especially the comments from members tagged with [EasternHolyState] multiplied exponentially.

– [EasternHolyState] KindServant: ?

– [EasternHolyState] LowlyServant: Saintess??

– Anonymous: So that bastard even messed with our angel who knows nothing of the world?

– [EasternHolyState] BraveServant: Is this real?

The wind blew.

Into the flames of the board, a wind was blowing.

Pure headcount-wise, if you count awakeners by guild membership, the Eastern Holy State was overwhelming number one――

Until now they had treated the flaming board as “those Busan guys at the southern tip doing crazy stuff” and merely spectated.

But they were beginning to realize the burning house was actually theirs.

“Come on. No matter how crazy the world is, there’s no way you confessed to Ah-ryeon, hyung.”

Seo Gyu laughed.

“Ahaha. So it’s a lie, right? Seriously, Ah-ryeon doesn’t know where the line is. If it’s false I’ll nip it in the bud right away… huh? Hyung? Why aren’t you answering? Hey, stop joking. Hyung. There’s no way, even if the sky falls, that you said those kinds of words to Ah-ryeon. Hyung? Hyung? Hyung?! Seriously?! Are you serious?! Hyyuuung!”

I left the basement.

It was absolutely not running away.

I was deeply moved by Seo Gyu’s words. Fretting over anonymous reputations in cyberspace? Far better to pour my attention into my precious people nearby.

[Mr. Undertaker.]

“Saintess!”

I glanced around the corridor to make sure we were alone and spoke at once.

“Why did you ignore my calls all day and only speak to me now! I almost rushed up to Seoul!”

After two days of silence, the saintess telepathy finally reopened.

[I’m sorry. I did everything I could to dissuade Sim Ah-ryeon, but I couldn’t stop her.]

“No, it’s fine. Ah-ryeon is a fake, a knockoff, a phony saintess at best. As long as the true Ms. Saintess stays by my side, I fear nothing.”

I was desperate.

Yes. If I could at least bring the saintess over to my side in this situation, hope remained.

“More importantly, Saintess. In the name of the Constellations, could you put in a good word with Dang Seo-rin? Doesn’t Dang Seo-rin tend to trust messages from the Constellations? If you would just—”

“Oh-raa.”

A voice drifted from down the hall.

“Mr. Undertaker. What are you doing here?”

It was a storm.

This was the Tower of Babel, and there was no way the Director wouldn’t know I’d come to the basement, so of course the odds of running into her were high.

Noh Do-hwa today was again in “Hermione” mode. Semi-formal suit attire. Different vibe from yesterday, but her beauty unchanged, perfectly styled.

No, this is not the time to admire fashion.

“Ah. Director Noh Do-hwa. Good morning.”

“Yes. Good morning.”

“Please wait a moment. I’m in the middle of a call with the Saintess—”

“Hmm. Are you, now?”

Softly. Noh Do-hwa came closer and, like yesterday, casually linked her arm through mine.

“Got it. I’ll just wait right here like this. Go on with your call.”

“Uh…”

[…]

While I stood flustered, Noh Do-hwa glanced up at the ceiling and spoke.

“Huh, how odd. Miss Yongsan. weren’t you talking with my Undertaker? It’s awkward when you suddenly message me instead.”

“…”

“Sorry. As I told you for days now, I prefer face-to-face communication unlike you, Miss Yongsan… I don’t think I can give you a proper answer.”

After a pause, the saintess’s voice came back to me.

[All right.]

She pronounced each word crisply, syllable by syllable.

[I’ll come down to Busan within today.]

[Since Ms. Cheon Yo-hwa was already preparing hundreds of guild members at Baekhwa Girls’ High, I’ll join them and head down together.]

[See you shortly, Mr. Undertaker.]

[Ms. Noh Do-hwa.]

Click.

The telepathy cut off.

“…”

I turned to look at Noh Do-hwa.

The dark circles under her eyes were nowhere to be seen; she smiled with a freshness that was downright dazzling.

“Oho. Miss Yongsan and even Cheon Yo-hwa Student Council President. Looks like the Tower of Babel will be crowded with guests for once. Fufu. Shall we browse the market today and pick out gifts for them?”

“…”

That evening.

“All right, all right. Attention everyone!”

Bang, bang, bang.

Tower of Babel’s grand conference room. A gavel echoed; the attendees were a star-studded lineup.

‘Chief Warden of the Monster Prison’, Seo Gyu.

‘Director of the National Highway Corps’, Noh Do-hwa.

‘Great Witch of Samcheon World’, Dang Seo-rin.

‘The Strongest Awakener’, the Saintess.

‘Baekhwa Girls’ High Student Council President’, Cheon Yo-hwa.

‘OldManGoryeo Villain’, Sim Ah-ryeon—who shamelessly showed up wearing saintess robes.

Plus Lee Ha-yul and Yu Ji-won. And even Fairy No. 264 (why are you actually here?).

Not only the members of the Regressor Alliance but even Dang Seo-rin were present!

Just with the people gathered here, we could probably take a shot at world domination. In fact, tally up the number of times we’ve destroyed the world and it easily breaks into double digits.

In this weighty space, for some reason Oh Dok-seo sat at the head table presiding over the meeting.

“Given the gravity of the issue, Mr. Undertaker ought to serve as chair—but―”

Oh Dok-seo pointed the gavel at me.

Off to one side of the room, I was tied to a chair, limbs and torso and neck all bound. Lee Ha-yul had used her Puppet Threads, tougher than any rope in existence.

“Mmph! Mmmph, mmphh.”

For the record, my mouth was gagged too.

Oh Dok-seo wore a sorrowful expression.

“――Unfortunately, the Undertaker is attending as the defendant, so I, Oh Dok-seo, will preside against my will. Any objections?”

“Mmphhh!”

“None? I’ll take that as unanimous.”

Oh Dok-seo nodded, solemn and grave.

“Then, given the urgency of the current situation, namely the possibility that Samcheon WOrld, Baekhwa Girls’ High, and the Eastern Holy State might form a triple alliance and attack the National Highway Corps, we shall commence the meeting immediately.”

“…”

This place…

was hell.

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