I'm an Infinite Regressor, But I've Got Stories to Tell-Chapter 334

Chapter 334

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The Self-Immolator III

“Sorry about that, Mr. Matiz.”

“Hmm? About what?”

“It's about Seok-hwa.”

That day, Ji-won had shaken hands with every single member of the funeral procession. Immediately after the ragtag funeral procession led by that bald monk left Busan, she spoke up.

“I should’ve handled such a socially harmful force myself, taken care of everything discreetly. But they were such small fry that I completely overlooked them. Next time, I’ll make sure to crush any loach slipping out of the net.”

Our Ji-won has always been unwaveringly devoted to the business of knocking people down. It was kind of admirable...

Admirable...

Is that really a good thing?

We locked eyes. Her gaze was as steady as ever, shining with the same murderous glint.

I did my best to dissuade her.

“There’s no need for you to prove your worth time and time again anymore,” and “You know better than anyone that you’re not going to be abandoned or shunned by the regressor now,” and “It’d be strange for the operations team leader of the National Road Management Corps to intervene in some little group of barely ten people,” and so on...

“Hmm.”

Perhaps my desperate plea got through to her. The quasi-psychopath nodded.

“Still, Mr. Matiz, you must secretly wish for me to quietly kill those folks you can’t be bothered to keep an eye on, and do so without leaving any trace―”

“No.”

“And then I could just say ‘I killed them because I wanted to, so what can you do about it, Mr. Matiz?’ and you still wouldn’t abandon me, so obviously killing them is the right―”

“No! That’s not it.”

“Are you certain?”

“I’m certain!”

“Are you absolutely certain?”

“Yes! You psycho!”

Ji-won stared at me silently with a stony face, then left. Even as she departed, her face kept that puzzled look of This is odd. If I kill those small fry, it’d definitely be convenient for you, why do you keep refusing me like some tsundere? all the way until she was out of sight.

Meanwhile, around that same time...

– [BusanAgentno.1] ChiefOh: O wandering souls of worldly tribulations, let us console you. All ye Buddhist faithful of the Korean Peninsula, unite!

SG Net was flooded with advertisements.

– [BusanAgentTower] BotongDaily: Master Monk Seok-hwa steps forward to save the masses! A vow to console wandering souls across the peninsula!

There were no Awakeners among the faithful following Seok-hwa. Naturally, they had no way to advertise their project on SG Net. And that was precisely what “agency services” were for.

These agencies were typically run by small fry with weaker abilities. They took money from ordinary people to post “ads” on SG Net on their behalf, scraping by to survive. They did more than just ads, though. They’d copy the novels serialized on SG Net’s Novel Serialization Board into text files and distribute them to regular folks.

(Some of the readers who would later be ambushed by Dok-seo were funneled in through these channels.)

Seok-hwa also used an agency.

– [BusanAgentGold] GeumMi-young: “Even ordinary people can perform exorcisms for the dead?!” Exclusive interview with Seok-hwa, master of funerary rites for the departed!

– [BusanAgentLegacy] sambaekwon: Seok-hwa says, “Reincarnation of Buddha? Nonsense. I am simply a Buddhist disciple, just like all of you.”

– [DaejeonAgentNo1] choice: The midway stop for the National Buddhist Pilgrimage Mass Funeral Procession! Daejeon! One hundred thousand believers exclaim: “We await Monk Seok-hwa!”

– [BusanAgentOriginal] Capital: Seok-hwa: “My compassion toward the dead is in no way inferior to an Awakener’s.” The Great Funeral Procession displays remarkable resolve... Donations pouring in.

It was a show of sheer quantity.

Realistically, for an ordinary person, paying these agencies was no small burden. Normally, thirty to a hundred people would pool their money to hire an agency, piece by piece. But for this particular project, Monk Seok-hwa was going all-in. It was as if all the hidden funds he’d been stashing away in his cult’s secret coffers were reserved for precisely this moment. He poured everything, without hesitation, into ad fees, all in the hope of escaping the humiliating label of a “nobody streamer.”

The result?

– Anonymous: Is there anyone who wants to meet up regularly at a café for coffee? Mid-thirties since Awakening. Looking for casual friendship. My depth is 700m. (comments: 2)

– [Samcheon] WitchJudge: Couldn’t sleep last night, so I made a new song out of my late-night muse. Thoughts? (comments: 1,131)

– Anonymous: I’m with the National Road Management Corps but using Anonymous mode for a moment. If I quit my job now, can I leverage my experience to get recognized in a bigger guild? (comments: 41)

– [BusanAgentGold] GeumMi-young: “Even ordinary people can perform exorcisms for the dead?!” Exclusive interview with Seok-hwa, master of funerary rites for the departed! (comments: 1)

– [AtelierSalt] JustIncense: Regulars’ EVENT! Personalized custom fragrance design for you. First 5 people only. No proxy requests. Depth under 200m. (comments: 27)

– Anonymous: Wow, the Grand Witch’s new song is lit (comments: 3)

– Anonymous: I listened to the Great Witch’s new track... (comments: 1)

Astonishingly, no one cared at all.

Well, they were exactly fated to only zero comments. Every ad post got one comment each.

– OldManGoryeo: Ad spammer GTFO

A comment that, if anything, was worse than having none.

Incidentally, Ah-ryeon typically left comments on nearly any new post that came up on SG Net. That netizen-turned-resident ghost was essentially fused with the community. Could it be that she was a real Anomaly?

Anyway.

Effectively zero comments. Effectively zero interest.

Even Ji-won’s unfeeling remark about “killing them all” was probably the biggest chunk of attention bestowed upon this so-called “National Buddhist Pilgrimage Mass Funeral Procession.”

The days went by.

As mentioned, no one in Monk Seok-hwa and his ragtag band of eleven was an Awakener, meaning I couldn’t simply track them down with the cheat code from the Saintess’s Clairvoyance, specially designed for me.

Still, that was no problem.

“Hey, Ji-won. By now, that funeral group should’ve arrived in Daejeon. How’s it look?”

“Ah, yes. They left Daejeon this morning. There are now only eight of them left.”

Some had gotten sick of it and dropped out, apparently.

“Is Mr. Shin Su-bin still there?”

“He’s alive. And so is Seok-hwa.”

“...Good news, and also bad news.”

The further they traveled, the more pathetic this so-called funeral procession became, and it wasn’t just the group’s size that was diminishing. The cult leader’s wallet was taking a direct hit, in real time.

– [DaejeonAgentNo1] choice: A fervent send-off from Daejeon’s Buddhist faithful for the National Buddhist Pilgrimage Funeral Procession! (Photo)

– [DaejeonAgentGalaxy] Team Leader Seo: An open sermon for the homeless... “Enlightenment transcends any literal sense of ‘Awakening,’ caring for oneself and others alike.” Monk Seok-hwa ties the bonds.

The number of ads dropped.

When they had first departed from Busan, they hired dozens of agencies for a full-blown PR blitz, but by the time they passed Changwon, Suncheon, Jeonju, and Daejeon, the ads kept decreasing in frequency.

Finally, upon arriving in Seoul...

– [NorthSeoulAgentOrigin] DongdaemunMarket: The Mass Funeral Procession arrives at the old capital city of the peninsula, Seoul! “Many sacrifices, many souls comforted.” Monk Seok-hwa’s sermon! A heartfelt resonance for those worn out by life.

Only one agency post remained on SG Net.

I chuckled wryly.

‘It was a gamble from the start.’

Jackpot or bust.

Had it been proven successful that “even ordinary people can track down and handle the dead through my teachings,” they’d have raked in a fair share of donations by the time they reached Seoul, for sure.

‘They were only counting on having enough budget to hold out until they hit Seoul.’

No looking back, just go. However, to their dismay, the project that had sounded somewhat plausible to them at the start backfired spectacularly.

The reason was simple.

“Mr. Matiz. You’re already taking enough—no, more than enough—requests from ordinary people and holding funerals for the dead as you travel,” Ji-won concluded. “For normal folk, anytime they want, they can submit a missing-person report to any city guild. If they don’t trust the guild, they can wait for a National Road Management Corps caravan to pass by and file it there, right?”

They gather all that data and post it on the SG Net’s missing-person board.

“Once a decent number of requests have accumulated, you choose the perfect time to personally go out there to conduct the funerals. Meanwhile, the fee is practically free or at least minimal, so it’s all the reporters need to do.”

She tilted her head.

“It’s practically a no-cost funeral service performed by the world’s top professional. No sane person would hand over their deceased loved one or friend’s funeral to some random bald monk they’ve never heard of, not when someone like you is around.”

“Mm.”

“Trying to stir conflict by painting it as ‘Awakeners vs. ordinary people’ used to be a valid tactic, but with you dominating that ‘funeral market,’ there’s no angle left for them. Reliability, price, convenience, accessibility—there’s no area where they can overpower you.”

The phrasing aside, that was essentially how things were.

Times had changed. In a distant past, when Monk Seok-hwa had riled up anti-Awakener sentiments, people had rallied behind him in droves. But now, it was the 802nd cycle. Unlike back then, the Korean Peninsula was filled with the forces I had spread across the land.

Just look at Yo-hwa of Sejong City or Ah-ryeon of Pyongyang. Have you ever once witnessed them acting like Awakeners reign supreme and normal humans are trash? (If anything, in Ah-ryeon’s case, we might wonder if she’s even a person at all. She’s basically an Anomaly, after all.)

The Korean Peninsula in the 5th cycle and in the 802nd cycle might as well be two different worlds. Whether there existed an immortal Udumbara virus or not, people had simply changed.

Only Seok-hwa. Only his boundless lust for power and prestige remained the same.

“Mr. Matiz, the group arrived in Pyongyang this morning.”

Despite running out of money back in Seoul, they still dragged themselves north.

“How many survivors?”

“Just three, counting Seok-hwa. Some parted ways along the route and settled in the cities.”

But, ah, Ji-won added.

“Mr. Shin Su-bin is still accompanying him.”

A few days later, a post appeared on SG Net:

– [Eastern Holy State] KindPerson: Guys, there’s a monk here who says he’s going to self-immolate at the upcoming Monster Wave?

I clicked the link immediately.

I’m just some random person who travels between Pyongyang and Sinuiju. Yesterday, I ran into this monk and one other person.

Honestly, at first I thought they were beggars lol. Their clothes were so dirty lol

But we ended up talking. I told them I was going up to Sinuiju, and they asked if they could come along. I asked why, because they’re normal folk, right?

He said he’s going to show “the demon army” the heart of the Buddha or something, by self-immolating in front of them, talking about compassion and whatnot.

Demon army = Monster Wave lol

Self-immolation = pouring oil on yourself and lighting yourself on fire, basically killing yourself lol

It sounds like total nonsense, but I’ve never met an ordinary person who wants a ride north just to do that, so it’s kinda fire. I’m thinking of going with them, haha

I scrolled down to see a few comments.

– Anonymous: Nice checks out lol

– Anonymous: Letting some random normal person wander into Sinuiju is basically a death sentence

└[Eastern Holy State] KindPerson: Eh what can I do if they’re determined to crawl into a place that’s basically hell coz they claim it’s heaven? lolol

└[Eastern Holy State] KindPerson: So yeah I'm going with them, whatever

– [Eastern Holy State] LowlyPerson: Oh, I think I saw that monk today too. Isn’t their party all walking around with canes?

└[Eastern Holy State] KindPerson: Yep that’s them. Brother or sister in faith.

└[Eastern Holy State] LowlyPerson: Surprising that they tolerated someone from another religion. They could’ve been hostile.

└[Eastern Holy State] KindPerson: Must be thanks to the grace of the Saintess in the North.

└[Eastern Holy State] LowlyPerson: Amen.

└[Eastern Holy State] KindPerson: Amen.

– OldManGoryeo: Isn’t this the same so-and-so big-whatever group that set out from Busan?

└[Eastern Holy State] KindPerson: Psh, a troll. The Saintess up north would just shake her head at scum like you. Ugh, so pitiful

└OldManGoryeo: ?

My brow furrowed. And no, it wasn’t because of Ah-ryeon making my facial muscles twitch. I ran out of that centuries ago.

It was about Seok-hwa.

‘Self-immolation.’

Just as the post said, it meant setting one’s body on fire as a form of offering.

‘Who would’ve thought a bald monk like Seok-hwa would do that?’

Not once in any previous cycle had I heard something so bizarre.