I Killed the Hero and Took His Achievements-Chapter 55: The Interstellar Audit

[Location: The Floating Arena - Ruined]

[Status: Post-Battle Cleanup.]

Ahri sat in the center of the molten crater while licking her paws. She was glowing, literally. Her fur had turned a brilliant white-gold, and her tails were flickering like solar flares. The heat radiating off her was enough to keep the entire stadium warm despite the high altitude. "I feel... tingly," Ahri giggled while watching a spark jump from her fingertip.

"You feel nuclear," I corrected while walking down into the arena. The floor was still hot enough to melt normal boots, but my [Ironclad] passive ignored it. "You just consumed enough radiation to power a city for a decade."

I inspected her status.

[Target: Ahri]

[Race: Solar Fox Deity (Ascended).]

[Level: 70.]

[New Attribute: Plasma / Light.]

[Skill Unlocked: Supernova.]

"Impressive," I nodded. "You jumped 15 levels in one meal. Kenji really is high in calories."

"He tasted spicy," Ahri wrinkled her nose. "Like... expired chili sauce."

"That was the Uranium."

Seraphina ran down while casting healing spells on the spectators who had gotten sunburned just by watching the fight. "Boss! She’s radioactive! Is it safe to be near her?"

"For me? Yes. For you?" I looked at Seraphina. "Stay back about 50 feet unless you want a tan that lasts forever."

I turned to the crowd. They were still cheering and chanting Ahri’s name. They loved a winner, even if the winner was a walking ecological disaster.

"CITIZENS!" My voice boomed over the speakers. "THE TOURNAMENT IS CONCLUDED! THE GENERAL OF THE ARMY HAS BEEN CHOSEN!" I pointed at Ahri. "BEHOLD! GENERAL AHRI! THE SUN OF THE NORTH!"

The crowd roared. "ALL HAIL THE SUN!"

Ahri preened while waving to her fans. She loved the attention almost as much as she loved violence. But the party was cut short. A siren blared from the sky. WEE-WOO. WEE-WOO. It wasn’t my ship but it was coming from above the atmosphere.

"Unknown Vessel Entering Atmosphere!" Sparky screamed over the comms. "It’s huge! It’s gold! It’s... it’s a Bank!"

I looked up. Descending through the clouds was a ship shaped like a massive golden coin. It was gaudy, expensive, and imposing. It gleamed with a luster that made the sun look dim.

The hull was engraved with runes that translated to: "WE OWN YOU."

[Target: The Galactic IRS Cruiser.]

[Faction: The Interstellar Bank.]

[Threat Level: Bureaucratic Nightmare.]

"The Tax Collector," I whispered. "Right on schedule." The ship didn’t land. It hovered over the arena while casting a shadow of pure debt over the celebration. A hologram projected from the ship.

A giant face appeared in the sky. It was a High-Elf. He wore a suit made of starlight and adjusted a monocle. He looked at us like we were bacteria in a petri dish. "Attention, planet 404," the Elf’s voice was nasally and arrogant. "I am auditor Xerxes. You are in violation of the galactic zoning laws."

"Zoning laws?" Sylvia asked while walking up beside me. She had her sword drawn. "Is this a joke?"

"Put that away," I said. "You can’t stab an accountant. It makes the paperwork worse."

The Auditor continued. "You have built an illegal structure in airspace zone B, you have used unauthorized energy sources, and you have failed to file your planetary tax returns for the last 5,000 years."

"5,000 years?" Seraphina gasped. "But we didn’t even know space existed until last month!"

"Ignorance of the law is not an excuse," Xerxes sneered. "The total fine is 500 Trillion Credit, payable immediately, or we will repossess your planet to the bank."

The crowd panicked.

"Repossess?! They’re going to take the planet?!" 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝓮𝒘𝙚𝙗𝒏𝙤𝙫𝓮𝒍.𝓬𝒐𝙢

"I don’t have 500 Trillion Credits!"

"Calm down," I said.

I activated my flight magic, it was a simple levitation spell boosted by Void Mana. I flew up to face the hologram. "Greetings, Auditor," I smiled politely. "I am Emperor Cain. The new owner of this establishment."

"Ah. The primitive warlord," Xerxes looked down his nose at me. "Your credit score is abysmal."

"I prefer the term ’High Risk, High Reward’."

"Do you have the money?"

"Not on me," I patted my pockets. "But I can get it."

"You have 1 hour," Xerxes declared. "If the payment is not transferred, we will initiate the Liquidation Protocol. We will harvest the planet’s core to cover the debt."

The hologram vanished. I flew back down to the arena.

"Boss?" Sparky asked nervously via earpiece. "Do we have 500 Trillion Credits?"

"No. We have about 60 Billion Gold. That’s like... 5 Credits in their currency."

"So we fight?" Sylvia asked eagerly.

"No. Their shields are impenetrable to our current weapons. That ship is designed to tank supernovas. If we shoot it, we die."

I looked at Ahri who was still glowing.

"Ahri. Are you hungry?"

"Always, Master."

"Good."

I opened a portal to the HMS Profit Margin. "We’re going to pay them a visit. A diplomatic visit."

"Diplomatic?" Ahri tilted her head. "You?"

"Yes. We’re going to invite the Auditor to dinner."

————————————————————

[Location: The Golden Cruiser - Meeting Room]

The inside of the Auditor’s ship was sickeningly opulent. The floors were made of solidified light that rippled when you walked on it, the walls were lined with artwork stolen from a thousand dead civilizations, and the chairs were made of floating clouds constrained by forcefields. It smelled like lavender and old money. Auditor Xerxes sat at the head of the table.

He looked bored, he was scrolling through a holographic tablet, probably foreclosing on an orphanage in another galaxy. I sat opposite him, and Ahri stood behind me, disguised as a normal human maid which her tails were hidden with illusion magic, and her solar glow was suppressed.

"You have brought the payment?" Xerxes asked while not looking up, he took a sip of nebula-tea.

"I brought a downpayment," I said as I placed a small box on the table.

Xerxes paused. He looked at the box, it was made of simple wood. "A box?" He scoffed. "You insult me. Unless that box contains a singularity, you are wasting my time."

"It contains something better," I lied. "It contains the essence of a treasure. It’s worth a planet."

Xerxes paused. His elf senses were twitched. He sniffed the air. Then, he opened the box. Inside was a single Void-Berry. It pulsed with a deep mesmerizing blue light. The mana density was so high that it warped the air around it.

"A fruit?"

"Taste it," I urged. "It’s a delicacy reserved for the Gods of my world."

Xerxes hesitated. But he was an Elf, and Elves were addicted to mana. He picked it up and took a bite. His eyes were widened. The mana hit his system like a freight train. "Oh... oh my..." he moaned slightly, his skin flushed. "This is... exquisite. The texture... the potency..." While he was distracted by the high, I tapped the table with my finger.

[Skill: System Override.]

[Target: Ship’s Mainframe.]

[Action: Silent Access.]

"Sol," I whispered into my comms. "Are you in?"

"I am in," Sol’s voice buzzed in my ear. "This system is running on ’galactic OS 95’. It is ancient. their security software has not been updated in three centuries."

"Arrogance breeds laziness," I muttered. "Bypass the firewall."

"Bypassing... done. I have access to the ship’s navigation, life support, and coffee maker."

"Find his digital signature. The key to his bank account."

"Searching... found it. It is biometrically locked. It is located in his monocle."

I looked at Xerxes. He was finishing the berry while licking the blue juice from his fingers. He looked dazed. "Delicious," he admitted, his voice a bit slurried. "Perhaps... perhaps we can extend the deadline. For another crate of these."

"A crate?" I smiled. "I can do better than that."

"But the fine stands," Xerxes straightened his tie, trying to regain composure. "500 Trillion. Rules are rules."

"Of course," I stood up. "I respect the rules." I walked around the table. "Allow me to shake your hand on the deal."

Xerxes stood up. He extended his hand. He looked smug. He thought he had won.

I grabbed his hand. But I didn’t shake it. I pulled him forward.

"Ahri," I said. "Dessert is served."

Ahri dropped her illusion. WHOOSH. Her nine tails flared out, blazing with solar fire. The maid outfit disintegrated, revealing her combat form. "SURPRISE!" she shouted.

Xerxes gasped. "A Solar Entity?! Here?!"

Ahri grabbed his face. [Skill: Solar Flare (Point Blank).] FLASH. She didn’t burn him. She blinded him. A burst of pure, concentrated light exploded in his face.

"MY EYES!" Xerxes screamed, clawing at his face. "I CAN’T SEE! IT BURNS!"

The monocle fell off his face. I caught it in mid-air. "Got it." I put the monocle on my own eye. A digital interface appeared in my vision. It synced with my retina immediately.

[User Authenticated: Auditor Xerxes.]

[Access Level: High.]

[Bank Account: Galacta-Bank Prime.]

[Balance: Infinite Credit Line.]

"Sol. Initiate transfer."

"TRANSFERRING DEBT..."

I didn’t pay the debt. I moved it.

[Action: Transfer Debt ’Planet 404’ to User ’Xerxes’.]

"WAIT!" Xerxes shrieked, stumbling blindly into the table. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"I’m balancing the books," I smiled.

[Processing...]

[Transaction Complete.]

[Planet 404 Debt: 0.]

[User Xerxes Debt: 500 Trillion Credits.]

The ship’s AI suddenly turned red. The ambient lighting shifted from gold to emergency crimson. "ALERT," the computer voice boomed. "USER XERXES DETECTED AS INSOLVENT."

"What?!" Xerxes wailed.

"CREDIT SCORE: -9000. INITIATING ASSET SEIZURE PROTOCOL."

"No!" Xerxes fell to his knees. "It’s a mistake! It’s fraud! He stole it!"

"It’s capitalism," I corrected him.

The ship’s security drones dropped from the ceiling. They didn’t aim at me. They aimed at their master. They grabbed Xerxes. "YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR GROSS FINANCIAL NEGLIGENCE," the AI boomed. "YOUR ASSETS WILL BE LIQUIDATED TO COVER THE DEBT."

"Cain!" Xerxes screamed as he was dragged away by mechanical claws. "The Bank will know! The Monarch will know! You have started a war!"

"Let them know," I said calmly. I walked to the window. Outside, the blockade ships were turning. The red dot of the Monarch of Greed’s flagship flared. He had realized what happened. The sudden shift in the financial ledger had triggered the alarm. The sky turned red.

"Boss," Sparky radioed in. "They’re charging weapons! All of them! The shield won’t hold!"

"The Truce is broken," I said.

I looked at Ahri. She was still glowing, her tails twitching with excitement. "You wanted a war?"

Ahri grinned, her plasma tails burning holes in the expensive carpet. "I wanted a buffet."

"Good." I grabbed her hand.

[Skill: Void Walk.]

We teleported back to the HMS Profit Margin. I sat in the Captain’s Throne. "Launch everything," I ordered.

"Phase 2 is over."