Help! I Became A Guy In A BL Novel!-Chapter 88: Earn Forgiveness

"I will not forgive you, Ronan. Let’s just... Get this over with." Riven whispered.

Riven couldn’t help the bitterness that crept into his voice despite how soft and broken it sounded. He enjoyed it, he enjoyed that Ronan suffered because he left. He also hated it.

Because... He did like Ronan, but Ronan hurt him. He knew what Ronan was like, he knew Ronan’s backstory. He knew what to expect, and yet when he experienced it, he felt so... Unworthy.

He was not Ronan’s real mate, was he? He simply took over this body. And because of this, he had an insecurity in his relationship with Ronan. He wanted to be truly loved by him, or nothing at all. He refused to be in a push-and-pull relationship.

He tried his best to give Ronan the benefit of the doubt after the first time he left... But after the second time, Riven refused to put up with it.

"I will not forgive you, Ronan. Let’s just... get this over with," he whispered it again, his words trembling with both need and resentment.

As the words left his lips, Riven watched how they seemed to shatter Ronan’s resolve. The alpha’s shoulders slumped, and his expression twisted with pain that cut so deeply it was almost tangible.

Without warning, Ronan sank to his knees, his strong hands gripping either side of Riven’s waist as if grounding himself. He pressed his forehead against Riven’s stomach, breathing heavily as if each breath was a struggle.

"It’s fine," Ronan whispered, his voice raw and strained. "I will earn your forgiveness. No matter how long it takes." He placed a gentle kiss on Riven’s stomach. That made Riven feel flustered.

Even if forgiveness was still far away, Riven couldn’t help but crave the comfort his mate offered, even if his heart remained cautious and guarded.

Riven’s chest tightened, unsure how to react. He expected Ronan to push back, to demand something, or even let his rut take over. Instead, the wolf was kneeling before him, shoulders hunched and head bowed like a subservient soul. He wanted to forgive Ronan and forget there were any issues.

Once Ronan passed the initial hurdle, he was a great person to be in a relationship with. Riven breathed, but he could not simply forgive him so fast. He will... Eventually, but Ronan was going to have to earn it.

Ronan slowly exhaled onto Riven’s stomach again. Riven could see his muscles tensing.

He knew Ronan was restraining himself—he could feel it in the tense way his hands gripped his waist and the ragged way he breathed. Riven was fighting the urge to hug Ronan back. He looked so pitiful, the proud alpha was kneeling in front of him. How could he not melt?

The heat was clouding his mind again, and despite his words, his instincts were drawn to his mate’s presence. Yet he couldn’t push past the whirlwind of emotions suffocating him—love, pain, anger, and betrayal all mingling into something too overwhelming to comprehend.

He read how Eli was... Left destroyed after their session, when Ronan experienced his rut. He knew how far Ronan could go, but he was here, restraining himself, not allowing himself to be aggressive. He had to give him credit for that.

Ronan didn’t move from his position, still holding onto Riven’s waist, taking in Riven’s smell as if it was the only thing keeping him calm.

Riven bit his lip, feeling conflicted. He couldn’t help but notice how Ronan’s lips were pressing against his stomach, warm breath ghosting through the fabric of his shirt. It sent a shiver down his spine, making his legs feel weak. Even now... He wanted Ronan more than ever.

Ronan lifted his head, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, and his voice was nothing but a broken murmur. "I don’t want to hurt you," he confessed. "I don’t care if I’m in a rut. I’d rather tear myself apart than scare you away. I just... Will not touch you if you don’t want me to."

How could Riven say no when he was experiencing heat himself? The only thing that held him back from spelling it out that he wanted it too was the fact that Soren was standing right outside the door.

There was something so pathetic and desperate about Ronan’s tone that he couldn’t help but soften.

Before Riven could say anything else, Ronan moved with surprising ease, his hands circling around Riven’s thighs as he lifted him effortlessly. Riven let out a startled noise, his hands instinctively clutching Ronan’s shoulders to keep his balance. Even through his turmoil, he couldn’t help noticing how natural it felt—how being carried like this made him feel... Safe.

Ronan carried him to the bed, his movements careful and precise, as if afraid of breaking something fragile. He laid Riven down gently, his hands brushing over his mate’s body to make sure he was comfortable. Riven watched him with wary, uncertain eyes, his tail flicking restlessly on the mattress.

For a moment, Ronan just stood there, his gaze roaming over Riven with a tenderness that made Riven’s heart ache. He knelt on the ground again just so that he could meet Riven’s eye level.

Riven could feel Ronan’s eyes tracing the lines of his face, lingering on his flushed cheeks and watery green eyes. The conflicting emotions were written all over Ronan’s face—longing, regret, hope, and desperation.

Riven couldn’t stand the silence. He knew that Ronan was in a lot of pain right now. Of course he was, it took great levels of effort to stay this calm when every cell in your body was screaming at you to mate.

Ronan reached out, his hand hesitating before cupping Riven’s cheek. His thumb brushed against his skin, tender and featherlight. "Can I kiss you?"

Riven’s instincts were pulling him toward Ronan, urging him to trust and forgive. He hated how easily his body responded to his mate’s touch, how his heart refused to harden completely.

"Only if you tell me why you left me twice..." Riven responded. He needed to know.