Hagakure Sakura Does Not Lament-Chapter 53

The Self-Righteousness of "Correct Answer"

Translated by LyraDhani

Edited by LyraDhani

When Tsugumi arrived in front of Itadori’s hospital room, he knocked discreetly. A voice came from inside the room, saying “Come in”. Opening the sliding door, he greeted Itadori and another person inside, Yumeji, who had come to visit her.

“Hello, Kanae-chan. How’s your leg? And you, too, Yumeji-san. I heard you were discharged from the hospital yesterday. Is there any problem?”

–For a while, he wondered if something was going to happen, but since she came to visit like this, they must have reconciled. When Tsugumi asked with a relieved heart, Itadori smiled and said.

“Yes. It looks like I need to rest, but I’m fine now. But I think I’m going to need crutches for a while.”

“I see. I’m glad to hear you’re not seriously injured.”

Then Tsugumi glanced at Yumeji as he stroked Itadori’s head. Yumeji was slumped over, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, her expression unrecognizable.

When Itadori asked, “Nadeshiko-san?” Yumeji raised her face. She was obviously pale.

“Hey, are you all right?”

When Tsugumi called out, Yumeji shook her head. She looked up at Tsugumi frightfully, and spoke in a trembling voice.

“Hey, did you really defeat that Ogre? When you’re not even a Magical Girl?”

“Well, I wonder. The opponent was full of wounds, and I guess I just got lucky.”

“Why?”

Yumeji opened her mouth to bite Tsugumi’s reply.

“Why can you go against such a horrible thing? You and Kanae-san are absolutely strange. –I was shaking and couldn’t do anything! I don’t want to be a Magical Girl if I have to fight that thing!”

As she shouted, Yumeji clung to Itadori and began to wail. Tsugumi looked at Itadori with a bewildered expression.

“I’m sorry, Tsugumi-oniisan. Nadeshiko-san seems to be a little emotionally unstable since yesterday…”

“No, I don’t mind. After all that happened, it’s normal to be upset.”

Itadori and Yumeji were part of the Asuka Academy’s Magical Girl Aptitude Selection Class. Since Yumeji was discharged earlier, she might have heard a lot of things from her teachers and parents after she returned home.

Besides, Asuka Academy had a section that held detailed information about Magical Girls. They must have already known that those who were caught up in the barrier were those with extremely high aptitude.

–These two were expected to become Magical Girls in the future. This incident must have made those involved feel even stronger. But whether or not this made the kids in question happy was probably secondary for them.

Tsugumi gently put his hand on the back of the crying Yumeji and spoke in a quiet voice.

“My sister became a Magical Girl after being discovered by a God during the incident. –But I don’t think it’s something to be happy about. Rather, I don’t want her to become a Magical Girl. Do you know why?”

When he asked Yumeji, she turned her bright red eyes to Tsugumi and shook her head.

“Because I don’t want her to die. …The rate of Magical Girls killed in the line of duty exceeds about 15 percent per year. As long as you continue to be a Magical Girl, that danger will always be with you. That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Fortunately, Chidori was blessed with skills. She had signed a contract with the government, so she would not be sent into dangerous battles unless she pushed herself too hard. However, the anxiety still persisted.

If Chidori were forced into a situation in which no one but her could fight, she would go into battle without hesitation, even if she knew she would die. Nanase Chidori was that kind of person.

“You saw those two girls in Rikka, right? You can be a Magical Girl only if you are as determined as they are. So if you don’t want to do it, you shouldn’t. …And I don’t want to see anyone I know die, either.”

“…Then I don’t have to be a Magical Girl? But my father and mother would never forgive me for that.”

Yumeji said, with a sad expression. Tsugumi smiled reassuringly and continued to speak.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to be. It’s up to Yumeji-san to decide. –Well, I still think you should start with a family meeting. He’s a good father, isn’t he? If you talk to him, I’m sure he’ll understand. If they force you to become a Magical Girl, you can run away from home. At that time, I will help you.”

That being said, the existence of a “parent” wasn’t something that an orphan like Tsugumi could understand. But he knew the feeling of cherishing a precious ‘family’.

Once, Yumeji spoke proudly of her father. He didn’t know what kind of person her father was, but he could only hope he had the decency to listen to his daughter’s plea.

“Yeah, that’s right. …I’m sure if I talk to him properly, even Otousama will…”

Yumeji said in a small voice and stood up with unsteady steps.

“I’m sorry. I’m going to go wash my face for a bit. …Um, Oniisan.”

Yumeji said to Itadori then stood in front of Tsugumi, holding her own hands as if in prayer. Somehow, he sensed a kind of tension.

Tsugumi sat back a little, looked at her, and asked, “What is it?” Yumeji opened her tightly knit lips and let out a few words as if she were expressing all her feelings.

“–Thank you”

Yumeji bowed deeply and thanked Tsugumi.

–What is that thank-you for? For rescuing Itadori at her request? For defeating the Demonic Beast and returning to the real world? Or was it for the words of appreciation she had just received? Tsugumi thought it was all of those things.

Tsugumi wanted to respect the step taken by the arrogant girl.

“–You’re welcome.”

Feeling warm and fuzzy, Tsugumi replied, and Yumeji walked out of the hospital room with a small smile on her face. Staring at the closing door, Tsugumi sat down in the chair by the bed.

“Somehow, we’ve become friends before I knew it.”

When Tsugumi said this, Itadori laughed with a troubled look.

“Yeah. I think Nadeshiko-san feels a bit put off by me, though …You see, I’d made myself the bait.”

“Oh, you mean that time. She told me. You let her go first because you couldn’t run with a leg injury. I was chilled to my core when I heard it.”

–When he first heard this story, Tsugumi had suspected that Yumeji was lying. The Itadori he knew was not such a courageous girl. But seeing Yumeji’s earnest plea for help, he changed his mind. Yumeji’s words turned out to be true.

If he had been a few dozen seconds too late, Itadori would have died. She would have gone down in history as the first victim of an irregularity. It was a good thing that he got there in time.

“Are you scared now? If you have any problems with your heart, tell Asakura-sensei – the gray-haired, bespectacled, stinky teacher. That man is very good at what he does.”

“Ah, it’s okay. I was scared at the time, but now that Tsugumi-oniisan has kept his word, I’m not afraid of anything anymore.”

“I see. …Don’t overdo it, okay?”

“Yeah. But when I was running away, I was so desperate that I don’t remember much. But I do remember thinking that I had to do the right thing. Hey,Tsugumi-oniisan. –Did I choose the correct answer?”

Itadori said with a cheerful smile. He couldn’t see the fear of death that he had seen when he rescued her. Seeing Itadori like this, Tsugumi realized why Asakura had stated that he should definitely go to see her.

Tsugumi slowly took Itadori’s hand and squeezed it with both of his hands as if wrapping it around.

“Oniisan? What’s wrong?”

“What you did was not wrong. I am sure many people will praise you. But I don’t want to assure you that it is the ‘correct’ answer.”

Hearing those words, Itadori frowned in dissatisfaction. Perhaps she had expected Tsugumi to praise her and let it go.

With an admonishing tone, Tsugumi said.

“Thanks to Kanae-chan, Yumeji-san survived unharmed. But what do you think would have happened if you became a victim of the Demonic Beast?”

“…I don’t know.”

“I’m sure Yumeji-san will blame herself for the rest of her life. You can expect that from the way things are going right now, right? It’s not good to make people sad. And I’m sure I would always wish I’d taken one more step sooner.”

“You too?”

“That’s right. If you were dead, my heart would break. –Your mother would have cried with worry, too, wouldn’t she?”

“…Yeah, but Okaasan was angry and wouldn’t listen to me.”

Itadori’s expression turned clouded.

-He had heard some stories from Asakura beforehand. Itadori’s mother grabbed her in tears as soon as she arrived at the hospital room. She had sobbed and lectured her, asking her why she had done such a dangerous thing.

Itadori, who was dazed from painkillers and other medications, did not remember much of the conversation. She was only smoldering with frustration that her mother had been angry with her.

However, Itadori was a kind child. She would surely understand if Tsugumi talked to her.

“I’m not trying to be nice either. If you really think it’s the right thing to do, I won’t deny it. But I will be sad if you die. I want you to remember that.”

“…Will you cry too, Tsugumi-oniisan?”

“Definitely. I think I’m going to cry so hard it’ll be pathetic.”

Tsugumi chuckled and said so. Itadori said, “I see,” and turned her head down.

“It’s hard to find the ‘correct answer’.”

“Yes, I know. But there’s one thing I can say is a ‘correct answer’.”

When Tsugumi said this, Itadori tilted her head curiously. Tsugumi laughed mischievously and held his index finger up to his mouth.

“Apologize to your mother for worrying her. –Kanae-chan is a good girl, so you can do it, right?”

Itadori heard Tsugumi’s words and looked at him with a puzzled look, but then immediately let out a small giggle. It seemed he had hit the nail on the head.

“It’s okay, I can do it. –I don’t know what the ‘correct answer’ is for me yet, but I’m going to think it over a little more carefully. If something comes up, would Oniisan be willing to talk about it with me?”

“Of course. Call me anytime.”

Itadori heard the answer and gave a small smile. Tsugumi exhaled with relief at the look on her face, and slowly stood up. The nurse in charge had told him not to stay too long in the hospital room.

“Then, I’m going to go now. It’s going to be noisy for a while, but let’s do our best.”

“Yeah, good luck to you too, Oniisan!”

–He walked out of Itadori’s hospital room and looked down. The nurse who passed by him looked perturbed, so maybe he looked pretty bad. Then Tsugumi went back to his own hospital room and sat down there.

“…What’s with the ‘it’s not good to do things that make people sad’ thing?–That’s all about me.”

He muttered like he was about to throw up. All of the words Tsugumi said to Itadori were coming back to him. No, objectively speaking, Tsugumi might be even worse.

Risking your life to save someone. That might be noble. –But, until now, Tsugumi had disregarded the feelings of the person who had been waiting for him, Chidori.

As long as Chidori was saved, he did not care what happened to himself.

It looked like devotion, but in reality, he didn’t think about her at all. Talking with Itadori made him realize this.

Additionally, he put his life on the sideline and blamed Chidori for becoming a Magical Girl. It was the lowest form of punishment, by any measure.

“I can’t keep going like this…”

–He had always thought that his actions were for Chidori’s benefit. However, it was actually for his own self-indulgence, and he betrayed Chidori’s feelings.

“It’s possible that Asakura-sensei figured out what’s going on around here and sent me to Itadori. …Really, he’s a good doctor.”

Apparently, the title of psychiatrist is not just a show-off. Tsugumi muttered bitterly and sank face down on the side of the bed.

The surrounding environment changed, and people’s emotions shifted. Nobody knew what was right. Finding a compromise was the only way.

“I have to think a little more.”

Sighing loudly, Tsugumi closed his eyes.

–Bell hadn’t returned yet.