Fake Dating The Bad Boy-Chapter 49: With Dawn Comes Fear

June’s POV:

The sun was cruel when it finally rose.

Its light cut through the cracks in the blinds, slicing across the bed like a knife. I stayed still, barely breathing, afraid that if I moved too much, I’d wake him. Afraid that if I spoke, he’d remember he hated me.

Justin.

Justin, who let me stay.

Justin, who didn’t touch me last night—who didn’t push, didn’t pry—who just... existed next to me, like that was enough.

I turned my head slowly, cautiously.

He was still there.

On his side, facing away from me, the muscles of his back tight even in sleep. His hands fisted in the sheets like he was still fighting invisible wars.

A lump rose in my throat.

Because somehow I knew: he didn’t trust me.

Not yet.

Maybe not ever again.

And worse... he shouldn’t.

I bit down hard on my lip, feeling the familiar sting of guilt, shame, and something far worse—hope.

Hope was dangerous.

Hope made you think you could heal things that were already too broken.

Careful, June. Careful.

I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could, my bare feet hitting the cold floor with a wince. My body ached. Every part of me was sore—from last night, from a lifetime of battles no one else could see.

My clothes were still scattered across the living room.

A brutal reminder of how desperate and messy I’d been when I’d shown up at his door.

I dressed quickly, pulling my shirt over my head with shaking hands. My throat still burned from all the things I hadn’t said. All the things I should have said.

That I needed to say.

But I couldn’t.

Not yet.

Because I didn’t know if he’d believe me.

I didn’t know if anyone ever would.

I wiped my face roughly, not caring anymore about the mascara smudged under my eyes or the rawness of my skin.

"But I’m not," I whispered to the empty room, to the rising sun, to the shattered girl in the mirror I couldn’t look at anymore. "I’m not what you think. I swear to God, I’m not."

I just wanted to feel something that wasn’t him. Something that wasn’t his fists, or his breath against my skin, or the sharp commands disguised as love.

Silence answered me.

Thick.

Heavy.

Final.

I turned to leave, to disappear before Justin could open his eyes and remember how much he regretted letting me stay.

But when I glanced back one last time—

He was awake.

Still lying there.

Still facing away.

Still breathing.

Still existing in the same space as me.

And for now... even if he didn’t say a word.

Even if he never forgave me.

That was enough.

At least, it had to be.

Because I didn’t know how to survive otherwise.

I moved like a thief in the dark.

Silent steps across the wooden floor, careful not to let a single board creak beneath my weight. I didn’t dare breathe too loud, didn’t dare look back at him for too long. It was stupid—he had let me stay—but part of me still thought if he woke up and saw me, he’d throw me out.

Or worse—he’d look at me like he did last night.

Like I was something broken beyond repair.

I crouched low, gathering my scattered clothes from the living room floor. My fingers trembled as I pulled on my jeans, my skin still humming with leftover shame, leftover memories. My shirt was crumpled under the coffee table. I yanked it free, my heart pounding like I was committing some kind of crime.

I glanced toward the bedroom.

Justin hadn’t moved.

The shape of him under the sheets was still, steady, too still.

Maybe he was pretending to sleep.

Maybe he was already awake, listening, waiting to see if I’d run.

Maybe he wanted me to.

I swallowed hard and kept moving.

My shoes were by the door. I picked them up instead of putting them on, not willing to risk the tiny sound of rubber soles squeaking against the floor. My jacket was slung over the couch, still damp from yesterday’s rain. I didn’t bother with it. I’d rather freeze than stay a second longer than he wanted me here.

I hugged my shoes to my chest and tiptoed toward the door, each step heavier than the last.

Don’t look back.

Don’t look back.

Don’t look back.

But of course I did.

I couldn’t help it.

I turned my head and caught a glimpse of him.

Justin, lying there.

Face turned toward the wall.

One arm outstretched like he’d been reaching for something—or someone—in his sleep.

My heart cracked clean in half.

I miss you, I thought uselessly. I miss you even though you’re right there.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying again. There was no point. He’d already seen me at my worst. What difference would a few more tears make?

Still, I forced my face blank.

I pulled open the door just wide enough to slip through.

The hallway outside was cold. Empty.

I took one last look inside—at him, at the life I could never really touch—and stepped out.

The door clicked shut behind me with a soft finality.

And just like that...

I was alone again.

Alone and half-dressed, hugging my shoes and my shame, pretending it didn’t hurt as bad as it did.

I stumbled down the hallway, barefoot, clutching my shoes like a shield against the world.

I have lost him.

The thought pounded through me with every step.

Lost him just like I lost everything else the second someone found out about my little secret.

It didn’t matter that I hadn’t wanted it.

It didn’t matter that I hadn’t asked for it.

It didn’t matter that I had been trying to survive.

All they ever saw was the broken pieces I couldn’t hide.

All they ever saw was the shame clinging to my skin like a second body.

Justin saw it too now.

Maybe he didn’t say it out loud.

Maybe he didn’t even realize it yet.

But I saw it in his eyes last night—the distance, the disgust, the heartbreak.

I pressed my hand to my mouth to muffle the sob that tore out of me.

It was happening again.

The walls were closing in, and the air felt too thin, and my legs shook with the weight of knowing that no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried to fix it—

I ruined everything.

I always ruined everything.

I fled down the stairwell, shoes banging uselessly against my chest, heart ripping itself apart inside me.

Outside, the city was waking up. Cars honked. Lights flickered. The world kept spinning like my own hadn’t just shattered.

You don’t get to have good things, I reminded myself viciously. You don’t get to have people who stay.

You get memories.

You get regrets.

You get a heart so full of rot that no one wants to touch it.

And stupid, stupid me—

I had thought, even for a second, that Justin could be different.

I squeezed my eyes shut and kept walking. Kept breathing. Kept pretending it didn’t matter that my world had just ended quietly behind a closed door.

Because what else could I do?

If there was one thing my monster had taught me, it was how to survive when the people you love stop loving you back.

And I would survive this too.

Even if it killed every good thing left in me.

I knew it the second the first crack of twilight bled into the sky.

Knew it the way you know winter is coming by the bite of the wind.

Knew it the way you know a storm is coming by the way the world holds its breath.

Last night—

I had begged him to let me stay.

Begged him like some broken thing too stupid to realize the fight had already been lost.

I had said I’d fight for him.

I had said I’d answer his questions.

I had said a lot of things.

But with the first bruising light of morning, I saw it for what it really was.

Pathetic.

Fruitless.

Empty words whispered into the darkness, thinking maybe if I said them loud enough, they’d become real.

But the thing about night is—it lies.

It wraps you up in its false promises and pretty dreams, but the second the sun rises, you see the world as it truly is.

And the truth was brutal:

The chains were real.

The shackles were real.

And no matter how hard I tugged against them—

no matter how much I bled or cried or screamed—

they weren’t coming off.

And worse—

If I pulled even a little harder,

if I even thought about breaking free,

someone else always got hurt.

Always.

I couldn’t risk it.

Not again.

Not with Justin.

Not when he was already standing too close to the wreckage of me.

I pressed my forehead to the cold front door, breathing through the ache in my chest.

I was a fool to believe I could have anything good.

A fool to believe someone like me could ever be loved without condition.

Because love didn’t survive secrets like mine.

Love didn’t survive stains that never washed away.

And soon, Justin would see that too.

If he didn’t already.

I wiped my face roughly with the back of my hand, tasting salt and shame.

Then I turned the knob, forcing myself to step outside, leaving behind the only boy I had ever—

No. Don’t think about it.

I tucked the words down deep where they couldn’t hurt me anymore.

Because the sun was rising.

And with it, the nightmare was waking up too.

And there was no place left for me to hide.