Evolving Classes In The Apocalypse-Chapter 9: Facing Death With Honor

One of the hardest things of my life, from an age I can’t really remember and didn’t want to right now, was saying no to Axel.

Which made this refusal hurt so much worse. It felt like something inside me tore loose, something that had been barely holding together, and the fraying sped up with every breath.

Having to watch him leave, with that disappointed expression, and his sorry attempt to mask it... that alone could have killed me.

But this was probably for the best.

I climbed down the ladder after he was gone and entered my room. For a moment I just stood there, staring at nothing, and then I sat on the edge of the bed.

The silence was the worst part. Sitting still with the knowledge of what was about to happen, the tears came without effort, sliding down my face before I could even think to stop them. And when Axel’s words echoed back through my mind, my chest clenched so tight I couldn’t breathe.

I folded over, soundlessly sobbing.

’I don’t want to die... I don’t want to die...’

There were so many things I wished to accomplish in life. I had never wished for too much, not really. Any rank would have been okay, any rank at all, as long as I could travel across the ruined world. I wanted to run from dangers, real ones, and feel the wind tear at my clothes while something enormous chased me through a dead city. I wanted to see my father strike down an Undefined the size of an entire mountain, to watch the impact shake the earth beneath my feet and know that was my blood, my family, my father.

I would never have complained. Not once.

And if I could journey with Axel to find his mother, if I could walk beside him through whatever broken lands stood between us and her, I would have been satisfied with life.

I wanted to travel to other dimensions and teach people new things, while also learning from them. I wanted to see what the world looked like beyond the oceans, beyond the ruins, beyond everything I had ever known.

I... I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to become a deformity and hurt the ones I love. It would kill me to do that, truly kill me, in a way worse than what waited for me in a few hours.

So this was the only way.

At that moment, I heard a soft knock on the door.

I wiped my face quickly, pressing my palms hard against my cheeks, and straightened my posture.

"Come in!"

The door opened and a tall old man entered, his weathered face carved with deep lines that spread from the corners of his eyes to his jaw.

He was a man of extreme elegance, one who always donned fabrics woven from the thickest hides, tailored into a suit style that had been retained from the era before the world became ruined. Even now, walking into the room of a girl about to die, his collar was pressed and his cuffs were straight.

"Charles." I said with a smile as I watched him take steps, one after the other, closing the distance to my bed.

"Young Lady..." He shook his head. "Your smile... you do not need to wear it today. You’re not expected to."

My smile faltered. I looked down at my hands.

"But... mother said..."

He shook his head again.

"Lady Ysoriel, forget what your mother said. Indeed you have a beautiful smile, but it loses its beauty when it’s ingenuine."

He stepped closer and sat beside me on the bed. The mattress dipped under his weight, and for a moment neither of us said anything.

"In a few hours from now, you will... leave us..." He hesitated, and then sighed, the sound heavy with something he couldn’t quite put into words. "No one in this estate expects you to put on a beautiful smile. No one expects you to follow the instructions of your mother. Even she wouldn’t want you to."

He gently pulled me toward him, and patted my head.

"We want you to cry, cry loudly. We want you to curse at this ruined world and the unfairness of fate. We want you to wish to live, to express your joy, your sadness, your regret. So that you may be left with none, in the time when you eventually pass on."

His words were meant to console me. I knew that. But they only tore through me, each one a sharp stone dragged across the inside of my chest. 𝓯𝙧𝓮𝓮𝒘𝓮𝙗𝙣𝒐𝒗𝒆𝓵.𝓬𝓸𝒎

The smile I had been holding broke apart and the tears rolled down, fast, like they had been waiting for permission.

"But... Charles, but I want to live." The words ripped out of my throat as a wail. "I want to live."

"I want to cross the Indian Ocean, to meet father. I want to show him how tall I’ve gotten. I miss him, I... I..."

My hands trembled so badly I couldn’t wipe my own tears. They just kept falling, running between my fingers.

Mr. Charles pulled me into his arms and patted my head gently.

"Fate is a very unfair thing, my love. But this is the only way to survive, so that you don’t hurt your loved ones... or anyone at all. To protect humanity, in these little manners..."

I trembled and pulled away from him, my face twisting into something exhausted and ugly.

It was always this. The same words, the same reasoning, fed to us from the very day we enrolled into the Academy. To protect humanity. To protect humanity.

"Am I not a human too?" My voice came out soft at first.

But as I said it, something shifted. A realization that had always been there, buried, finally surfaced.

"Every time, it’s about protecting humanity, preventing us from going extinct, but we are slaughtered every single time. Put to death because we do not awaken Classes. Even Defineds who are treacherous criminals are considered more valuable than us."

Something cold settled into my chest as I stared at my butler. Mr. Charles had been there since I was a child. He was practically an uncle to me. He had fed me, carried me, bandaged my scraped knees.

And looking at him right now, all I felt was disgust and disappointment.

"Tell me, Charles, have you begun to see me as an Undefined when I haven’t even showed a symptom of deformity? Have you begun to see me as less than the girl you took so much care of? Why is no one fighting for me?! Why is my family not at least trying to prevent me from dying?! How can this be so easy for you all?!!"

"Nothing is easy for anyone!"

The door crashed open and my elder brother Silas walked in. His face carried nothing. No grief, or conflict, just that cold, practiced blankness that he wore like armor.

"Our grandfather built this family to be a beacon of hope for mankind. We lead by precept and example. Which includes this. We live in an unfair world, and this could have happened to anyone, which is why all of us are trained to accept moments like this."

He looked at me the way one looks at something contaminated.

"What is wrong with you? Has the malady in that Rubravis boy’s head infected you too? We are sad. I am despaired that I have to kill my own sister." His jaw tightened. "But this... this is right. It’s the right thing to do. And submitting to your own death is the most honorable thing to do. Do not lead a life like mother’s and end up a disappointment to father."

He held my gaze for one last, long moment.

"Stay quiet and accept this with honor."

Then he turned and walked out. His steps faltered once in the doorway, just barely, before he was gone.

Rin had been standing behind him. He turned away without meeting my eyes and left without a word.

Mr. Charles reached for my shoulder. I flinched away from him, scowling.

He sighed and nodded. "Have a good night’s rest, my lady."

He stepped out and closed the door behind him.

The silence that followed was worse than anything they had said. It pressed down on me, and my legs nearly gave out. I turned slowly toward the window, staring at the dark horizon.

They said they were hurt. But not one of them tried to stop it. Not one of them told me to run.

All I saw was the broken family that had torn my mother apart, the same family my naive self had thought I could fix. And in the end, it had torn me apart just the same.

I exhaled slowly, watching the darkness beyond the glass.

’There was only one person who truly doesn’t want me to die.’