Captured By The Cold Detective (BL)-Chapter 556: Unfinished Business

The evening sun poured into the room, draping over He Juan’s frame akin to a golden halo and casting deep shadows over his features.

Chen Youzhi’s heart skipped a beat despite himself. Looking at He Juan like this, he couldn’t shake the feeling that the man looked particularly distant, as though he was nothing more than a mirage that would dissipate at any second. The notion spurred Chen Youzhi to move closer, and it wasn’t until he saw He Juan before him, solid and real, that he could finally relax.

What the hell is wrong with me? Chen Youzhi resisted the urge to sigh as he plopped himself down on the chair. Since when had he become so paranoid? It seemed like the accident seven years ago had impacted him more than he’d realized.

"If you’re talking about what happened that year," He Juan began, his lashes lowered. "Of course, I do. Haven’t I mentioned how it feels like I’ve been asleep for a long time? For you, seven whole years have passed, but for me, it’s still as fresh as yesterday. I remember everything, Chen’er."

Chen Youzhi felt a sharp sensation akin to a fishbone lodged in his throat at the revelation, rendering him unable to breathe properly. He clenched his fists so hard that his knuckles turned white. As fresh as yesterday? This was the worst outcome he had expected. It meant that He Juan had reverted to how he was seven years ago.

Oh no, Chen Youzhi started panicking. Now that things had turned out like this, what should he do? What if He Juan—

"But don’t worry," He Juan added as though sensing his inner turmoil, prompting Chen Youzhi to raise his head. He saw a faint smile playing on He Juan’s pale lips, one that was tinged with bitterness and irony. "I will not harm myself again, so you don’t need to put on such a look."

Chen Youzhi couldn’t even begin to guess what kind of expression he was making right now. All of his attention was seized by the words He Juan had just uttered. "Boss, you..." he stuttered, only to stop because he had no idea how to formulate his question.

Didn’t He Juan say that all those accidents were still fresh in his memory? Then why would his mentality suddenly take a drastic turn? What had brought forth the change? This couldn’t be another ploy to make him lower his guard, right?

He Juan let out a huff, half amused and half helpless. "What’s with that wary look on your face? There’s no need to think too much, Chen’er. I mean my words this time. After all..." he trailed off and shifted his gaze out of the window, a hint of melancholy seeping into his tone. "I have narrowly evaded death twice. It’s more than enough for me to understand that my time has yet to come. Look at me, I always believe that death is the easiest punishment there is in the world, but I never expected that it would take me seven long years to come around..." He shook his head lightly as if mocking how foolish he had been.

Chen Youzhi’s knuckles cracked from how tightly he had been clenching his fists. His expression contorted in the mixture of sadness, confusion and anger, making the scar on his face look a little sinister.

"Why..." he rasped, his tone harsh enough to surprise He Juan. "Why do you keep thinking that you deserve to be punished? Why do you insist on carrying that burden alone?! Everything is not..." he choked on his words and raised his eyelids, revealing a pair of red-rimmed eyes. Yet he dropped them soon; he couldn’t bring himself to look into He Juan’s eyes for fear of losing control of his emotions. "It’s not your fault. It never was! When will you realize that you’re as much a victim as anyone else?!"

"Chen’er..." He Juan’s voice sounded strained as he spoke, "I’m sorry. I’ve really made you upset, haven’t I?"

Instead of quelling the tightness in his chest, those words made Chen Youzhi feel worse. He did not need this apology. He had not done anything to deserve it. In the first place, He Juan shouldn’t have apologized. He only did what he thought would be the best for everyone, even if it meant forsaking himself in the process. That’s just how He Juan was.

But how could he make He Juan understand that, given how stubborn he was?

Chen Youzhi silently released a frustrated sigh. Well, perhaps he should be thankful that He Juan would no longer try to do anything stupid, even if his logic was totally skewed. In the end, he decided to end their discussion here, partly because he had obtained the answer he sought and partly because he needed some more time to contemplate his next steps.

"You should get some rest, Boss. I will go speak with your doctor." Chen Youzhi made a move to stand up, but then He Juan stopped him.

When Chen Youzhi turned to him with a silent question in his gaze, He Juan inquired, his brows knitted lightly. "Jia Molei is not my doctor? Why haven’t I seen him around?"

Chen Youzhi was utterly stunned. "You... don’t remember?"

***

He Juan had gradually pieced together his memories from seven years ago. But in exchange, all the memories he had for the past seven years – the peaceful and ordinary time he had lived – everything seemed obscured by a thick fog and he could only remember bits and pieces, despite Chen Youzhi’s best efforts to fill him in.

For starters, he remembered that Jia Molei’s presence had been a constant in his life – as a housemate, a doctor and a friend. That’s why it came to no surprise that he immediately sensed something amiss when he couldn’t find the doctor when he woke up.

After learning about his condition, Chen Youzhi excused himself saying that he needed to have another discussion with the doctor, leaving He Juan to stew in his own thoughts.

"Master Manipulator, Ku Jin..." He Juan murmured under his breath, his gaze narrowed. His fingers tapped relentlessly on the blanket as his mind worked to dig out every information he had about that repulsive bastard.

He knew very well about Ku Jin’s abnormal obsession with Jia Molei seven years ago, but he had never expected that it would persist all the way until now.

Perhaps this was the main reason why he was still not allowed to die yet. He still had a few unresolved businesses, such as dealing with Ku Jin, Luo Xuan who had miraculously survived, and also...

The movements of He Juan’s fingers abruptly halted as his breathing faltered. He counted with his fingers, murmuring to himself, "It’s been seven years, so he should be twenty four now..."

He felt his chest squeeze painfully just at the mere thought of the boy he had left behind. No, that’s not right. He was no longer a boy; he had all grown up now. He Juan had no doubt that he had become a beautiful and dashing young man, the kind who would turn heads no matter where he went.

He Juan closed his eyes and tried to breathe through the sudden congestion in his heart. He must not think about Mu Yuze now lest his resolve would waver like a small sapling in the face of a mighty tempest. He must not be selfish. No matter how much he wanted to see Mu Yuze, he couldn’t just barge in and disturb the omega’s peaceful life, not when he had gone through such lengths to remove himself from the picture. He must not.

He had spoken the truth when he told Chen Youzhi that it felt like everything had happened just yesterday, yet he also lied when he claimed that the memories were still fresh in his mind.

Only He Juan knew that, although he could still recount the events of that year, all the details had grown hazy. For instance, he could no longer remember the face of Yi Peizhi, his ally whom he had wrongfully killed on the night of He Xie’s accident as well as the ex-captain of the Violent Crime Unit.

His pain remained raw, like a wound that had yet to heal, but simultaneously it had also turned dull. If He Juan had to describe it with words, it felt as though he was viewing everything through a thick glass and all the sounds that reached him were muted. Drowned and suffocated by the passage of time.

Perhaps what they said was true, time would really heal all wounds. But in return, it left him with a profound hollowness that couldn’t be filled no matter what.

Seven years was not a short time. Everyone around him had changed, the world had moved on, countless lives had perished and new ones had been born. Yet it was only him... only he was still stuck in seven years ago, unable to move forward. And the notion filled him with an unprecedented sense of loss and desolation.

In this world that had not stopped spinning, was there still a place for him? 𝓯𝙧𝙚𝒆𝙬𝙚𝒃𝙣𝙤𝒗𝓮𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢

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A/N: okay please don’t panic about HJ’s messy memories. I promise it will get better ><