Chapter 12: Let’s Chase Away the Useless Female Knight!

"Nooo! Let go of me!"

A shrill scream echoed through the area. I had finally purified the spring, wiped out the surrounding monsters, made friends with the village children and villagers who came to fetch water, and thought I could enjoy a peaceful life...

And here comes trouble again.

By the way, Logan and the others still haven’t returned from their exploration deep in the forest, and I’ve sent Chick Captain’s legion toward the town for information gathering. Unlike wolves, chicks probably won’t draw much suspicion from humans. Caso’s village is about two days’ walk from here, and beyond that lies the town of Sorenariini, which has an Adventurer’s Guild. I dispatched the Chick Legion around that area.

So once again, I’m alone by the spring, watering the plants.

Spending time by myself has even started to feel a little lonely.

Ah, this wasn’t the time to be lost in thought.

Looking over, a female knight was being attacked by two thug-like bandits.

From the metal breastplate and waist pieces, I guessed she was wearing half-plate armor. Her gauntlets also looked metallic. Yet her thighs were plump and completely exposed.

What kind of equipment balance is this, otherworld?

"Kee-hee-hee! It’s your own fault for falling for such an obvious lie!"

"Exactly! You’re way too gullible!"

The female knight screamed as the two men assaulted her. Wait, a knight getting easily overpowered by two goblin-like bandits? Is she some kind of fake knight?

Her shoulder undershirt was yanked, the pauldron came off, and her clothes were torn.

"Nooo! Stop it—!"

The female knight cried out in tears. One of the men finally pinned her down in a mounted position.

"Hehehe, just give up already!"

"We told you we’d teach you about herb gathering and you actually believed us? You’re seriously stupid!"

"H-How horrible!"

The man put strength into ripping off the breastplate from the sobbing female knight.

"If I’m going to be defiled by the likes of you... then just kill me!"

(Ehhhhhhhhhhhh!! Real-life "Kill Me" syndrome!!)

Whoa~, as expected of another world! It really exists.

I always thought "kill me" was just a light novel trope.

The only disappointing part is that the attackers aren’t orcs!

"Heh! If you want to be killed that badly, I’ll do it! Of course, after we’ve had plenty of fun first! Gahaha!"

"Uuuu...!"

The female-knight-looking girl made a face of despair as she imagined the coming horror.

Yeah, she’s definitely a "female knight" type. No way a normal female knight is this weak.

But well, these guys are confirmed scum. No need to hold back. Time to help.

"Heyyyyy~"

"Huh? What the—?"

I stretched my right tentacle (or whatever) as far as I could.

DOGOO!

"Buperaah!"

The man who was mounted on her turned around, and my punch landed perfectly on his right jaw!

I shattered his jaw and sent him flying.

"Eh? Eh?"

The female-knight-looking girl (this is getting confusing!) seemed bewildered that her attacker suddenly got blasted away.

"W-What the hell!?"

The other man abandoned his comrade and tried to run, but of course I wasn’t letting him escape.

I spun my right tentacle round and round, building up centrifugal force, then aimed at him. 𝐟𝗿𝐞𝚎𝚠𝐞𝚋𝕟𝐨𝚟𝐞𝕝.𝕔𝕠𝚖

"Fire!"

GOSSSSH!

It scored a direct hit on the back of the fleeing man’s head.

"Mogehh!"

The man face-planted straight into the ground.

Huh? When did I become able to attack like this?

Heh heh! I’ve evolved too, you know... Wait, you don’t believe me?

Truth is, I had gripped a stone inside the tentacle I shaped like a right arm!

The first strike was me stretching it straight like a spear with the stone inside. The second was swinging it like a morning star or whip and smashing the embedded stone into him. Since the stone was quite a bit bigger than a fist, the damage must’ve been considerable.

"Are you okay?"

"Eh? Eh...? Are you... the one talking to me?"

The female knight seemed more surprised that I spoke than the fact that she’d been saved. Well, that makes sense. Being saved by a slime is completely unexpected. And a talking one is even more absurd.

"Yeah, that’s right."

"N-No way, a monster that can talk...? Ah! So in exchange for defeating those ruffians and saving me, you want to do whatever you want with this body... then... do it! Violate me!"

"Why the hell would I!? I saved you, why do I have to violate you!? And shouldn’t that line be ’kill me’!?"

"B-But I have nothing else to offer as thanks for saving my life! This body is all I have... Ah! You’ll entangle me with those tentacles, cover me in slime, and... do it! Violate me!"

"I told you, that line is supposed to be ’kill me’! And I’m not going to kill you or violate you!"

"I-I see..."

"Why do you look a little disappointed!? That’s weird!"

"S-Sorry... I seem to be quite shaken."

Way too shaken, honestly.

She was crying and resisting so hard against those bandits, but the moment it’s me—a slime—she offers herself up to be violated? That’s messed up...

"You’re not a monster fetishist, are you?"

"Eeeeh!? N-N-No, of course not...! I just... got a little flustered because a talking monster risked himself to save my life... Yeah, that’s definitely not it..."

Whoa! She’s spilling everything in her heart out loud!

Normally, if your white knight turns out to be a slime, you wouldn’t get all flustered, right?

Well, maybe a different kind of flustered because you might get eaten.

Also, why am I suddenly popular after becoming a slime? In my previous life I was completely unpopular, a full-on virgin speeding toward sagehood (or rather, great sage). And now this? No way! My thing was never curved all the way to my belly button! ...Okay, I exaggerated a bit. It wasn’t that bad!

"Um... have you been living here the whole time, Mr. Monster?"

The female knight asked me while fidgeting shyly.

"Yeah. I’m a slime, so going into town to shop is impossible. I don’t have any money either."

Well, the villagers in Caso already saw me, but they seem to think I’m some kind of spirit, and I asked them to keep it secret. Come to think of it, did Caso’s village even have shops?

"It feels like I’m talking to an extremely poor adventurer who’s barely scraping by..."

The female knight looked at me with incredibly pitying eyes. Mind your own business.

"By the way, I haven’t asked your name yet."

I stared at the female knight. ...Though I don’t know if I even have eyes as a slime, so she probably can’t tell if I’m looking.

"...Being stared at so intensely is embarrassing. Mmm... putting pressure on me by staring so hard that I open myself up willingly... then... violate me!"

"Why are you like this!? ...And how can you even tell I’m staring?"

Does this female knight have some kind of magic eye? Is she pretending to be a useless knight only to actually be a cheat character?

"Hm? Because you’re looking at me with such passionate eyes..."

She said while walking closer. She pointed her right index finger at me... What? Her finger looks bigger...

Poke!

"GUOOOH!"

"Wah!"

She only poked lightly, but since my body is soft, it sank right in.

Wait, does that mean people can see my eyes from the outside?

It didn’t hurt because I have no pain sense, but I was so surprised by the sudden poke that I let out a loud yell.

"S-Sorry! Did that hurt...?"

The female knight peered at me with great concern. Oh crap... now that I look closely, she’s actually pretty cute.

"It doesn’t hurt, I’m fine. Just startled me a bit. By the way, do I actually have eyes?"

"Yes, you’re staring at me with such big, round, sparkling eyes..."

She pressed both hands to her blushing cheeks. I have no idea what’s attractive about this slime body of mine. It makes me sad just saying it.

Wait, I really have big round eyes!? Maybe they appear when I focus?

I can’t see myself, so I won’t know unless there’s a manga adaptation. Haha!

"Anyway, I still haven’t heard your name?"

I had forgotten the most important thing. I can’t keep calling her "useless female knight" in my head forever.

"Ah, right. Sorry. My name is Irina. Irina von Rubengelg. Nice to meet you."

Whoaaaa~ Here comes the "has a backstory" flag~!

"Von" is definitely a noble family name, right? A noble daughter, this cute, dressed as a weak useless knight, wandering around alone and getting attacked by bandits — what kind of insane backstory is this!? This is way too much backstory!

And "nice to meet you" — what exactly are you planning to ask a slime to do!?

"So? Why did you come to a place like this and get attacked by those two?"

"I introduced myself as Irina, so... could you please call me Irina...?"

So annoying———!!

But if I don’t do what she wants, it’ll probably get even more annoying.

"Fine. Irina, why were you getting attacked by bandits in a place like this?"

I asked while looking at the two men collapsed and bleeding on the ground.

Oh right, I should tie them up so they don’t escape.

I extended my tentacles, pulled some vines from a tree, and bound the two bandits.

"I had certain circumstances that made it impossible for me to stay in the royal capital, so I fled to the countryside. I traveled to the town of Sorenariini, registered at the Adventurer’s Guild, and chose herb gathering as my first quest. Those two were at the guild tavern. They said they were also traveling and were good at herb gathering, so they offered to teach me. We came together. I traveled with merchants as far as Caso’s village nearby, which is probably why they didn’t attack me earlier. After hearing about herbs from the villagers in Caso, we entered the forest and that’s when they attacked. It seems I was their target from the beginning..."

Wow, getting targeted on your very first quest — what a classic template! And if I hadn’t saved her, she would’ve been completely done for, right? Also, are these guys actually bandits or just really scummy adventurers?

"For now, drag these two to the Adventurer’s Guild even if you have to pull them. Tell them what happened and have them deal with it."

"Understood..."

She tried pulling the vines, but she clearly couldn’t drag two full-grown men.

"Mmmgh! They’re heavy..."

"Siiigh... I’ll talk to the people in Caso’s village nearby. We’ll have them help tie these guys up and take them to Sorenariini. The founding festival is coming up, so if you offer to help with the festival, they’ll probably cooperate. Go to the guild, report what happened, and hand them over quickly."

When I made the suggestion, Irina clasped her hands in front of her chest and looked at me with a bright, flower-like smile.

"I-I see! As expected of you, Mr. Monster! I’ll go to the village right away and call for help!"

She was about to run off, so I hurriedly stopped her.

"Irina, you understand, right? Don’t tell anyone about me. If people find out there’s a talking slime, they’ll either look at me strangely or treat me as a subjugation target."

"What... I can’t tell anyone about such a sincere monster like you? That’s so lonely..."

Irina looked down with an incredibly sad expression.

This girl is a total klutz, so if I don’t hammer this in properly, there’s no telling what she’ll mess up. In Caso’s village I’m treated as a spirit, but I doubt she can explain me properly when she gets back to the guild. Plus, there are apparently merchants in the village right now who brought these guys. I’d like to see what kind of goods they have, but it’s still too risky for me to show myself...

"Irina. My existence is a secret between just the two of us."

"A secret... just between the two of us...! With a monster...!"

Irina’s face turned bright red. She held her cheeks with both hands and twisted her body shyly.

I said it trying to make her keep the secret by giving it a special feeling, and it looks like it worked surprisingly well.

"By the way, I feel like I’ve been hearing the word ’slime’ for a while now..."

"Hm?"

"What exactly is a ’slime’?"

"Huh?"

What do you mean "what is a slime"...? That’s exactly what I want to ask!