Who would study psychology unless they had some issues?!-Chapter 142 - 140: The Most Intractable Trauma

Nan Zhubin organized his words, wanting to guide the consultation towards the "best strategy".

"In comparison to your [reality], I’m more curious about your [cognition], or rather the force, the motivation that supports your [cognition]."

"Your [cognition] of your ’ideal life’ is quite firm—this firmness surpasses most people I know."

"So firm that no matter what happens to you, you refuse to compromise."

Nan Zhubin’s tone was slow, his gaze sincere: "May I know why?"

Topics involving "backstory" often make it easier to delve into deeper issues.

Nan Zhubin anticipated that he was about to uncover something significant.

Of course, such [open-ended questions] also carry the risk of the visitor merely responding with "I don’t know", which can be awkward.

Fortunately, after such a long conversation, Li Minglu’s mind had been opened by Nan Zhubin, and he no longer set self-protective [defenses].

Therefore, after hearing Nan Zhubin’s question, Li Minglu simply thought for a moment before replying promptly:

"Because... that’s how my family was before."

"The life I’m talking about is actually the life I lived when I was young."

...

Li Minglu answered quickly, indicating that his thoughts had always been clear, he always knew what he wanted, and he knew why he wanted these things.

This could demonstrate his strong motivation.

At the same time, the extension of the topic at this moment finally had a breakthrough.

As usual, Nan Zhubin would now naturally hand over a question like "Have you discussed the issues of your life with your father and mother before?"

However.

Nan Zhubin’s gaze tightened.

[Nostrils flaring, frowning, corners of the mouth and eyes drooping.]

[Both hands overlapping in a fist, starting to tremble, enduring extreme emotions.]

[Sadness? No, something more severe than sadness...]

[Much more severe...]

No need to read micro expressions anymore.

Li Minglu’s eyes reddened perceptibly.

[... it’s "grief".]

Nan Zhubin paused, forcibly swallowing back the words that were on the verge of being spoken.

Then he involuntarily leaned forward, making himself appear concerned.

He lowered his voice, shifted direction, his tone indescribably gentle: "In our consultations, it seems we’ve never talked about your family—your original family."

Nan Zhubin’s soothing voice had its effect.

Li Minglu’s eyes turned red, but his emotions were stable, not to the point of breaking down.

He followed Nan Zhubin’s words to answer: "In my previous consultations, I’ve never talked about the issues with my family either."

Nearly two years without touching upon family issues?

Nan Zhubin furrowed his brows.

...

[Original family] is a simple term, a neutral word. It carries no pejorative or complimentary connotations.

But the public has given "original family" a hue. Nan Zhubin didn’t know whether this was a good or bad thing.

Meanwhile, issues of the original family have long undergone several twists in public cognition.

From "don’t blame the original family when you can’t manage yourself", to "every problem can be traced back to the original family", to "seeing it as an original family issue can determine the components".

Although attributing any responsibility and consequences to the "original family" is indeed irresponsible.

But the influence of the original family on a person is indeed the greatest and most stable.

Not having touched upon family issues in two years, either the consultant’s mind was not focused on digging deep into the problems, or Li Minglu’s defense about this content was indeed too strong.

...

Thinking of this, Nan Zhubin subconsciously was cautious and repeated Li Minglu’s words with an [explanation].

"You seem reluctant to talk about your original family with others."

After listening to Nan Zhubin’s words, Li Minglu nodded.

"Yes."

His voice was dull: "Because my parents are both gone."

[Body begins to curl up.]

[It’s "regression".]

[Regression] is a psychological defense mechanism proposed by the psychoanalytic school. It refers to people giving up the more mature skills learned for environmental adaptation when confronted with frustration, anxiety, stress, and other abnormal states, regressing to using certain behavioral patterns from earlier life stages to satisfy certain desires.

Regression can manifest on multiple levels, including emotions, behavior, and thinking.

Li Minglu’s curled-up posture at this moment is an evident behavioral regression.

And Nan Zhubin could guarantee that he also had cognitive regression.

"Mom and Dad... are both gone." Nan Zhubin elongated his tone, lowered his pitch, to express his regret, and to show empathy.

Then he asked: "When did this happen?"

Li Minglu took a deep breath, his chest heaving violently.

"Mom, she got pancreatic cancer when I was in high school, everything happened so quickly. At that time, I was in my senior year, living at school, my family didn’t tell me, they only told me after I finished the college entrance exam..."

Li Minglu’s hand supported his forehead, as if his neck wasn’t strong enough to hold the brain used for thinking.

"Then dad also passed away during my sophomore year, from a sudden heart attack. He lived alone after mom passed, with no one to take care of him..."

Nan Zhubin understood even more.

"You feel guilty about your parents’ departure. You blame yourself for not seeing your mom one last time, and for not being able to take care of your dad because of college."

"... Yes."

The logic regarding the [cognition] aspect was explained clearly.

The happy life during his childhood gave Li Minglu the best memory, which should have become his strong power in the future.

However, this force, before it could transform into a pillar, collapsed completely within just three years.

Thus, what replaced it was—trauma!

"You still blame yourself to this day, unable to reconcile with yourself, unable to let go."

Nan Zhubin once again provided an [explanation]: "The ’ideal life’ you pursue, on one hand, is to reminisce about your past family, on the other hand, it also suggests a sense of ’atonement’. You feel that you can only be worthy of those who have passed away by becoming parents like your mom and dad used to be, providing a family environment for your child like the one you had."

Nan Zhubin’s words accurately hit the core of Li Minglu’s thinking logic, uncovering the most well-guarded part.

"Yes." Li Minglu nodded repeatedly, tears began to flow uncontrollably.

This time, Nan Zhubin didn’t try to soothe Li Minglu’s emotions but allowed them to be released.

Nan Zhubin had almost collected all the information he needed, and he already knew why Li Minglu has such strong motivation in maintaining his [cognition], and could direct this motivation resolutely towards himself.

To solve this problem, undoubtedly, one must face Li Minglu’s trauma directly.

And this trauma is associated with the death of relatives and family fragmentation, which is the most challenging type of destructive trauma to intervene with.

It might even accompany him for a lifetime.

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