Use Me Like A Drug (omegaverse bl)-Chapter 212: Don’t want to hurt

Yeon’s POV

My husband’s hand behind my back moves me away from the boy that is looking at me with wide eyes.

From the distance between us, I can see the small beads of tears clinging to his lower lashes, and he looks sick, looks like he has been through so much.

We have been looking for him since...why is my husband suddenly less concerned about the child?

"Wait..." I say and before I can add anything else, the Kang boy puts his hand on Yujun’s back turns him away, helping Yujun to get into the car.

The omega is stiff but doesn’t fight against the alpha, the only expression in his eyes are sadness, he looks like he has given up...like he is giving in...it makes me wonder how he ended up with that man.

There is so much I am failing to understand, too much that I can’t process right now, the worst of it is that my husband is taking me away from getting the answers I need.

"Honey" I say quietly, I know he hears me but my husband doesn’t stop, he takes me into our own car and I sit in it, furiously swallowing down my tears.

There are people out here waiting to capture a moment that will put our entire clan in trouble, there are ill-meaning visitors wearing smiles but holding up hidden cameras, acting like they care about my dead son.

I keep my back ramrod straight, no one knows me publicly, they only know me as a nurse who works with the clan and not as Luna. It’s a secret that I worked hard to keep in order to work better for my clan.

"Drive us back to the funeral home, we have a number of wishers to properly greet" my husband says and tears well up in my eyes again, he sounds so composed and calm, I can’t even feel any pain through our bond...doesn’t he care?

I look at his face for a few seconds, my husband’s face is as stoic as ever and it makes me so angry that my scent fills the car.

My pheromones grow into something deeply angry and bitterly burnt, he smells it but doesn’t say a word about it, he is ignoring me completely.

My grieving omega howls the loss of another pup, why is the moon goddess punishing me this way? I have never done any harm to another; all I have ever done is to love and care for everyone that comes around me.

"Turn around here" my husband says and the driver obeys.

My legs feel too heavy and reluctant to get into the place.

It’s the funeral home I couldn’t enter since the death was announced, I didn’t want to see people crying or talking about the pup I suffered for, I didn’t want any of it.

He gets out of the car and turns the other way to open the door for me, but I choose to get out by myself, I don’t want him close to me right now.

My husband drops his hands by his side and moves out of the way to let me go through, I walk past him without looking at him, and I hear him let out an exhausted breath but I refuse to lift my head.

The funeral home smells like sadness and mourning, omegas, alphas and betas from different walks of life are gathered here.

I want to yell at them to leave, to give me the space to break down, but I don’t...I am not going to make the last day chaotic.

They are all dressed in black just as I am and I stand in front of the portrait made for my son, somewhere in the room an unknown omega makes a loud crying noise, I turn to look at her.

I don’t know who she is, I have never seen her before, and she is not a member of my pack...an absolute stranger but she’s crying as if Jaehyun’s death is the end of her own life.

"He saved me from my abusing alpha" the woman cries and I wince at the way she looks completely wrecked, crying in a way that I can never do in public.

"He was a good alpha!" she screams again and someone next to her hugs her to shush her, my entire body is vibrating, and again I remind myself that I can’t lose my emotions in public like this.

My husband stands beside me, but he doesn’t touch me, he wouldn’t dare. An alpha that I have never seen before joins us with a friendly smile on his face.

"Lord Hwang" he greets and my husband nods at him in acknowledgment, "I am so sorry about the loss" he says and shakes my husband’s hand firmly.

"Thank you" he replies.

"How sad, how will the clan continue without an heir" the man asks and I clench my fist, his question feels like a slap to my face, I expect my husband to give him a response that will silence his stupidity, but my husband fails me too.

"The clan has me, it has nothing to fear" is his response and the man lets out a hearty laugh, "of course, you remain the rock of the clan, the life of the entire pack" he says and my husband laughs.

I feel my eyelid twitching, pain courses through my entire body and I can’t help but lean into my husband and the man speaking to him wrinkles his nose, maybe irritated by the way a nobody is touching a lord.

"Ask them all to leave" I say and my husband looks at me in confusion, he doesn’t say anything for a second, I feel him trying to connect with me through our bond and I stubbornly block him out.

He gives me a small frown, and I don’t wait before I grab a bat out of a kid’s hand, "everyone leave" my husband order and they begin to leave in silence one by one.

"My love, is everything alright?" he asks and the first sob slips past my lips unintentionally, "my son died" I say and he nods, "yes" he says.

"My son died and you are already taking about politics? In his funeral home?"

"Honey..." 𝙛𝒓𝓮𝙚𝔀𝒆𝒃𝓷𝒐𝓿𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝒐𝒎

"Did he not matter to you" I ask and swing the bat at him; he doesn’t move out of the way and lets me hit him on the stomach.

He groans in pain but still doesn’t move and I hit again and again, pouring out the frustration and pain of the past three days into it.

"My son is dead, how dare you! how dare you disrespect me like this?" I scream and drop the bat to grab him by the shirt and pull him to my body in rage.

"He was everything to me! You know! You know how many pups has died in my hands!" I sob, voice cracking even though I am not screaming in the moment, my alpha squeezes his eyes shut and looks away.

The bond is not showing me any signs of remorse or pains from my husband, the father of my child.

"I know what you’re thinking..." he says and I let go of him, I take a step back to take a breather, does he know he’s killing me like this?

The door opens and a man walks in to whisper into my husband’s ear, sneaking glances at me, and I turn my back on them.

Too much is going on all at once.

When did we start hiding secrets from each other like this? When did he start having business to do with men that I can’t recognize?

I storm out of the room, and he comes after me.

"Honey, Honey, please just give me a few minutes" he says and I growl at him before yanking my hand out his grip, "honey, please listen" he says and I push him backwards, hands to his chest.

He doesn’t move, and he doesn’t force me to do what he wants, instead he wraps me in a hug and kisses the side of my head with a whine at the back of his throat.

The small noise and the small act melts the rage boiling inside of me. I can never be angry at him, I hate what is happening to us, but I love him still.

"At least...at least you should have let me see Yujun" I say and fresh tears fill my eyes, the look on the boy’s face will forever haunt me.

He looked so hollow and so in pain that the memory of his eyes hurts too much.

"I know...I just need to protect our clan first"

"Yujun is our clan too, he is carrying our son’s pup" I say tiredly and rest my head on his shoulder, he whines again as he rubs his hand up and down my back, slow and gently.

My joints ache from working nights at the hospital, from consoling the young ones in the pack that are hurting.

My heart aches from not being able to process my son’s death and my husband’s lack of reaction.

"Trust me, please trust me, my love?" he says and holds my face, I look into his eyes and for the first time I see the restrained pain.

"I will make this pain worth it, I swear"

And when he swears something...he makes sure it happens.