The Shadow of Great Britain-Chapter 1694 - 59: The Queen’s Speech Draft

"His Majesty Dissolves Parliament, and God Burns Its Palace"

Last night, flames devoured the wooden beams, ceilings, and the last bit of patience for lengthy parliamentary debates at Westminster Palace.

When His Majesty the King waved to dissolve Parliament three weeks ago, the subjects did not understand how prophetic this gesture was—not only dismissing the members but also bidding farewell to the palace itself.

Scotland Yard stated that the cause of the fire was "improper disposal of charcoal ashes," while the Upper House Bishop Group claimed the fire was "God expressing an opinion." It is believed that the theological and police departments are currently engaged in a fierce battle for interpretative authority.

"The King Dissolves the Lower House, God Dissolves the Upper House, a Clear Division of Labor"

If the burning of the palace was indeed the work of God, then His target was quite specific: the Upper House ceiling is unrecognizable, and the Lower House had no fixed abode to begin with. That being the case, our paper boldly proposes to the Treasury to relocate Parliament to the middle of the Thames River, using the river’s water as a substitute for the fire-fighting budget.

"London Firefighting Three Questions: Who Lit It? Who Put It Out? Who to Blame?"

The standard answer from Whitehall is: unclear, unknown, uninformed.

"Three Thousand Citizens Watched Parliament Burn, Only Two Tried to Put Out the Fire"

We cannot extinguish ignorance, nor can we extinguish flames, and unfortunately—these two often share the same room. However, the good news is that at least most people did not vote against establishing a fire-fighting budget.

"Westminster Palace Pulls Off a Stage Effect that the West End Theatre Could Not Match in a Lifetime"

Bleaker than "Macbeth," more mind-bending than "King Lear," all the props were real, and the lighting was impeccable. The only drawback is: the next performance is not scheduled because the theatre is still cooling.

"The Fire Earnestly Burned for a Full Twelve Hours, Enough Time for Mr. Bernie Harrison to Fund Poland 150 Times"

We may have lost the roof of Parliament, but at least we retained Mr. Bernie Harrison’s "international experience." May he rest in peace; at least he does not have to witness his beloved Parliament finally blushing.

"Viscount Melbourne Speaks: This is the Most Foolish Event of the Century"

As of press time, our paper is still unsure whether Viscount Melbourne was referring to last night’s fire or the upcoming election.

"Buckingham Palace as a New Site for Parliament? A Historical First! The King Walking Into a Trap Himself, Something I’ve Never Seen Before"

Earlier today, at a Privy Council meeting held at St. James’s Palace, His Majesty the King proposed an idea that was "both benevolent and brick-saving": temporarily allocating Buckingham Palace, which is still in the final stages of renovation, for use as meeting places for both houses to address the urgent situation following the fire.

This proposal shocked everyone present, including the servants pouring tea and the royal decorator who claimed to be responsible only for wallpaper. As is well known, His Majesty William, in his younger days, served in the Royal Navy, accustomed to sharing quarters with rough sailors. This upbringing perhaps explains why he believes parliamentarians could also share a cup of tea with him and drink from the same pot.

"Scotland Yard Successfully Maintains Order, Parliament Leaves a Trail of Charcoal"

It is worth mentioning that Scotland Yard was among the first administrative forces to accurately arrive at the correct doorsteps throughout London. Amidst the chaotic crowds and surging flames, Scotland Yard’s performance can be described as a professional model. These police officers, who are among the most professionally qualified in the world, not only successfully cleared the surrounding streets of the fire scene, arranged for the evacuation of the injured, but also had the capacity to coordinate Guard Cavalry to assist in blocking passages. This was the only highlight of the fire scene, as no one attempted to propose a motion, nor did anyone demand that the flames make concessions.

"We finally heard a unified command at Westminster," said an enthusiastic bystander. "And this time it wasn’t coming from four or five MPs interrupting each other."

...

The carriage slowly traveled along Whitehall Street, outside the window was the charred streetscape washed by the fire brigade, and the air still lingered with the scent of charcoal from last night’s burn.

The afternoon sun slanted through temporary tower scaffolding, casting its light on a surviving corner stone wall of Westminster Palace.

This used to be the passageway between the Middle Chamber and the Lower House Finance Committee, but now only a few barely standing Gothic arch windows and some charred, grayish remnants of wooden beams remain.

Arthur sat opposite, gently tapping the silver ornament at the end of his cane with his bandage-wrapped hand, pretending to be "burned."

His gaze turned to Victoria opposite him, with Lady Leisen sitting beside the Princess, the Hanoverian governess was flipping through the schedule.

"Lady Leisen, that Latin saying you mentioned earlier, I’ve noted it down," Victoria said softly. "But I’m more interested in hearing Sir Arthur talk about yesterday’s event again. What he says always captivates me like a Shakespeare play."

Arthur, dressed in a blue and black suit sitting opposite, looked up and smiled, bowing slightly: "Since Your Highness considers the fire a literature class, I’ll begin with the stage effects."

Arthur’s tone was calm and measured: "Let’s start with the cause, it was not an alarming arson conspiracy, nor was it revolutionary parties seeking revenge on Parliament. Quite the opposite, it began with the most British of things: accounting audits and furnace ashes. Yesterday, Parliament Secretary Richard Wilbury received instructions from Treasury officials to destroy expired government accounts during the parliamentary recess.

Mr. Wilbury is an old-fashioned gentleman who does not rely on others for anything. He did not entrust the task to a servant but personally burned the documents. According to his account, he first divided the accounts into two piles and put them into two heating stoves used by the noble members in the Upper House to keep warm. Then, he got up, closed the door, and left. But these old account books burned exceptionally vigorously in the stove, more enthusiastically than the Lower House debates of the current session. And as the furnace in the Upper House had long fallen into disrepair, with the brick seams already loose, the scorching charcoal ashes traveled through the chimney and the brick seams, burned through the floors, and then ignited the walls."