The Return of the Crazy Demon-Chapter 244: A Silent and Holy Night

The reason we put up a flag saying "Pungun Escort Bureau" was to shut down any bastards trying to start trouble, but I forgot that the coachman seat was occupied by the Drunk.

Most people either got scared or avoided us the moment they saw his face, so during the whole trip we were the ones who had to pick fights.

But this time, we couldn’t afford to. We were leading a gang of villains ourselves and heading out for the peace and safety of Baekdo, the Martial Alliance, and the martial world.

This wasn’t a journey to become martial heroes.

It was a journey to hunt down martial heroes.

A solemn march to atone—however slightly—for the sins the Four Great Evildoers, including myself, had committed in our previous and current lives.

But what specific crimes had they committed?

I had no idea.

Still, three out of the four of us were on the Martial Alliance’s most-wanted list, so they must’ve committed plenty.

Then what was the Sword Demon guilty of?

No clue. He just looked like a guy with a lot of sin hanging off him, so we dragged him along.

Honestly, even if he hadn’t done anything wrong, what fun was there in a life of swinging a wooden sword in your courtyard day after day? Getting dragged out like this lets him see the world, listen to his hopeless disciple grumble, endure the Drunk’s awful singing, and analyze my nonsense too.

If the Sword Demon had a crime—

It was the misfortune of crossing paths with me.

Fortunately, the Sword Demon wasn’t the type to ever complain or grumble about anything, so he just drifted along with us like he wasn’t even there.

Trips always feel exciting and heart-thumping at first, but after that moment passes, they become boring and tedious. Strangely enough, we were all good at enduring boredom. We just put up with the Drunk’s strange and dreary songs.

In that sense, this trip was no different from mental endurance training.

***

Since we couldn’t find a decent inn before sundown, we set up camp near Juksan.

We fed the horses first, gathered firewood, lit a fire in front of the wagon, and sat around it. We passed the time tossing more wood into the crackling fire.

Darkness settled around us in an instant.

For some reason, like we’d made a silent pact, none of us spoke for a long time. While the Drunk sat in meditation posture and regulated his breathing, the other three stood watch. Then the Lecher took his turn meditating, and the Drunk lay down and went to sleep, staring into the fire.

I didn’t care what the villains were doing. I just lay down and stared at the stars.

The stars were still dazzlingly varied.

Some were scattered, some clustered. Some rippled like waves, some swirled like vortexes. It felt like the stars were copying us, gazing down at the world with curiosity.

As I looked at the countless twinkling stars, I had some peaceful yet pointless thoughts.

A short while later, we heard a wolf howl nearby, followed by the mixed sounds of predator and prey running.

The Drunk opened his eyes and muttered in annoyance.

“Another wild boar hunt? Hey, youngest, go shoo them off.”

As soon as he finished speaking, he started snoring lightly again.

The Lecher, who’d just started meditating, grumbled.

“...Goddamn it, can’t even sleep.”

I rolled over and focused on the darkness where the animals were chasing each other. A few wolves, eyes glowing in the moonlight, emerged and eyed our campfire warily.

The Drunk muttered again.

“Wolves? Something’s coming this way.”

Even half-asleep, he seemed to have grasped the situation.

The Sword Demon suddenly drew his Radiant Sword and began wiping the blade with a cloth. A soft wailing sound flowed out of the sword like someone playing an instrument. The last time I heard this ghostly sound, it felt like a chorus of people screaming together. Now it was like a lonely female ghost singing a lullaby.

The Lecher stared at the wolves, then suddenly, like he’d lost his mind, leapt into the air and charged at the pack. Startled, the wolves scattered. His laughter rang out in the dark.

“If I catch one, I’m roasting it! Now scram!”

The Drunk, woken by the sword’s wail, sat up and asked me,

“Third, ever eaten wolf meat?”

“Nope. Is it good?”

“Dunno.”

A moment later, the Lecher came dragging back a huge boar that had been chased by the wolves and said to me,

“Hand me a knife.”

“What knife?”

“That one you always keep in your chest.”

How the hell did he know about that?

I took out the Flash Dagger and tossed it to him. He dragged the boar off to the side and started butchering it with the dagger. He called out to the Drunk.

“Second, go get more firewood. Quit lying around.”

“Cheeky bastard.”

The Drunk muttered and went off to gather firewood.

The Sword Demon and I silently watched the Lecher hack up the boar. A little later, the Lecher began roasting a big leg over the fire and chuckled for no reason.

“Ehehehehehe.”

“......”

When the Drunk came back with wood and stones and roughly assembled a fire pit, the Lecher stuck the rest of the meat on skewers and placed them over it.

While turning the boar leg over the flames, the Lecher asked the Sword Demon,

“Master, got any salt?”

The Sword Demon pulled some jerky from his sleeve and tossed it to him. The Lecher sliced it finely with the dagger and sprinkled the flakes over the meat like salt.

The sound of the meat sizzling was incredibly peaceful.

After a while, the Lecher handed the roasted leg to the Drunk.

“Here, Master.”

The Drunk carried the thick leg to the Sword Demon, who took it and bit into it.

The Lecher asked,

“How is it, Master?”

The Sword Demon replied in the driest voice in the world.

“Edible.”

“Yes, sir.”

I looked at the roasted boar and gave it a moment of silence.

“Poor bastard. Ran from wolves and got caught by the idiot hyena.”

After a moment, the Drunk handed me a chunk of boar. I bit into it. Combined with the salty jerky, it was surprisingly decent.

I watched the Lecher gnawing on a fat boar leg and said,

“Gimme that leg.”

The Lecher replied while munching away,

“Eat that one. You didn’t do shit, and we’re serving you cooked meat—show some gratitude.”

The Drunk, grilling the front leg, asked me,

“Wanna eat this one?”

I nodded.

“Give it here.”

The Drunk spat all over the leg—ptooey, ptooey, ptooey—then held it out.

“Eat this one.”

“How childish. Really? Spitting on it? You think I won’t eat it if you do that?”

The Sword Demon, chewing on his leg with a blank expression, looked over at me.

A brief silence followed.

I asked the three of them,

“There were four legs, right? Why am I the only one eating crap like this? Did one of the legs get eaten by a wolf?”

“......”

They all ignored me, which was oddly refreshing.

“Wow. I’m clearly surrounded by three people, yet I’m talking to myself.”

At that moment, a distant wolf howl was abruptly cut off.

We turned our heads simultaneously and stared into the darkness where the howl had been silenced. Faintly, we could hear the sound of a wolf’s head hitting the ground.

Then a ventriloquized voice spoke nearby.

“What are you four doing wandering around Juksan and making such noise?”

The three villains who had been ignoring me now looked at me in unison.

“......”

I pressed a finger to my lips and listened closely.

The voice, impossible to locate, continued.

“You all reek of evil. What’s your business here? Just travelers? Or looking for someone? If we’re after the same target, I wouldn’t mind joining forces. Who do you seek to kill?”

Again, the three looked at me.

I shook my head again.

The voice continued.

“This is your final warning. Leave Juksan quietly, or reveal your intent. If you refuse, I’ll call my comrades and we’ll kill you. I thought you were from the Martial Alliance, in which case I would’ve killed you outright. But you don’t seem like them. So this is your last chance.”

I nodded.

Anyone who looked at us and thought we were from the Martial Alliance had to be insane. All four of us gave off very different vibes, but none of them looked even remotely "good." No matter how you sliced it, we looked like bad people. I looked like a bastard.

I finally answered in a flat voice.

“Is Juksan your personal bedroom? Who the hell are you to tell us to get lost? The audacity.”

I waited for a reaction, but all was silent.

Then the voice came again.

“My senior has spoken. Leave Juksan by sunrise. He has declared you scum trying to cash in on the Martial Alliance's bounties.”

As I listened, the Lecher came over with the last boar leg and handed it to me. I got too distracted chewing it to reply.

The meat was so juicy that I turned to the others and said,

“Damn, that leg was tasty.”

“Right?”

“Cooked well. Who knew this little shit was actually good at something?”

Only then did I suddenly yell toward the darkness.

“......What?! What did you say just now? Are you gone already?”

I turned to the Drunk and asked,

“Did he leave?”

He shook his head.

“It’s ventriloquism, how would I know? Just eat your meat.”

“What was that last part?”

“No idea. The pronunciation sucks with ventriloquism. All mumbled and garbled.”

I tore into the leg and muttered.

“This is dangerous. With meat this good, someone could get taken out by a hidden weapon and nobody would even notice. That’s the kind of taste this is.”

The Lecher suggested,

“Let’s just head into town tomorrow. Buy a bunch of meat, firewood, salt, whatever. And some vegetables. Master, what do you think?”

The Sword Demon, still scraping meat off «N.o.v.e.l.i.g.h.t» the bone, gave a brief reply.

“Sounds good.”

The Drunk snapped his fingers.

“Get some booze too.”

The Lecher nodded.

“Right, forgot the booze. Damn, we need a drink under the stars. If there’s a lakeside nearby, that’d be perfect. I’ll look around tomorrow.”

The Drunk turned to me.

“Third, give us some money.”

Typical. None of the villains had any money. But I’d been broke in my past life too, so I understood.

“If you ask nicely, I’ll give it.”

At that moment, the ventriloquized voice spoke again.

“...That’s your answer?”

I snapped my head toward the darkness and yelled.

“What? You’re still there? Where the hell are you mumbling from?!”

“......”

I turned around and chucked a bone hard into the dark.

“Eat this and fuck off, will you?!”

The bone hit something, rolled, and stopped.

I exhaled deeply and ranted.

“...Seriously, why’d you even learn ventriloquism? You could’ve practiced breathing techniques with that time. If you’re coming, then come now. If not, shut up already. Are you gonna whisper in ventriloquism all night long? Bring your damn friends. Bring your ‘senior.’ I wanna sleep. What the hell is this? You’re using ventriloquism because you suck at martial arts, aren’t you? You rat. If you’re a martial artist, train like one. Why are you lurking in the shadows whispering like a little bitch? Am I wrong? Did your master tell you, ‘Since you suck at martial arts, learn ventriloquism first and use it in emergencies’? Was tonight that emergency? No way. Your master must’ve been a dumbass. Who teaches their disciple that shit? ‘Our sect doesn’t fight with martial arts. We end fights with our mouths. Master ventriloquism so your opponent can’t find you in the dark.’ Is that it? What are you, some mysterious rat clan? What the hell are you?”

I kept talking while gnawing the leg bone.

“Whether we’re villains or from the Martial Alliance, what’s it to you? You own Juksan now? You plant trees here? Are you mountain bandits? Are boars your private property? Why don’t you reveal yourselves first? Bunch of weirdos. Still hiding and listening to me with inhuman patience? You bastards are nuts.”

The Lecher groaned.

“My ears are bleeding.”

I looked at him and said,

“Wow. Think about it. Maybe his master taught him ventriloquism that echoes through all of Juksan. No one’s sleeping tonight. Just as you doze off—ventriloquism again. ‘Awaken, creatures of Juksan! A new day is here!’”

The Lecher stuck a finger in his ear.

“Please stop. My ears really might bleed. I’m sorry, okay? I apologize on their behalf. Sorry for learning ventriloquism. Just eat your meat.”

The Sword Demon finished his leg and lay down. The Lecher asked,

“Master, are you going to sleep?”

Lying down, the Sword Demon replied,

“I’m sleeping.”

“Yes, sir.”

With eyes closed, he said to me,

“Third, sleep. Even listening makes me dizzy.”

I answered while eating.

“Gotta finish eating first.”

Once I shut my damn mouth, Juksan became peaceful again.

I whispered to the Drunk.

“Did the ventriloquism guy leave?”

The Drunk whispered back.

“Dunno, you idiot. If I had to guess, he left coughing up blood.”

“Good. That’s all I needed.”

The Sword Demon suddenly grunted and rolled over. The Lecher, apparently worn out, lay down and closed his eyes.

The Drunk also shut his eyes and crossed his legs, muttering,

“I feel delirious.”

And so, I was once again left alone in the dead of night and said to the villains,

“Sleep well... it’s a good night.”

No one left to talk to.

But it was a silent and holy night.

That was enough.