The Mob Character Who Woke Up!-Chapter 66: Scrambled Eggs!

It was just a banana peel when you really thought about it, yes, but in that sacred moment it felt like Excalibur being pulled from the stone, like destiny itself wrapped in biodegradable yellow packaging and delivered directly into his hands by the universe.

With the finesse of a seasoned criminal who had done this exact crime a thousand times before and the confidence of someone who had already emotionally committed to violence, he flicked it forward in one smooth motion that would make professional assassins jealous, letting it land directly in the path of the retreating Radiant Sun with surgical precision.

Perfectly timed, the lord who was currently busy wiping his face like he was aggressively sanding down a piece of wood covered in toxic paint, did not see the trap waiting for him at all.

His goons hovered around him in a protective circle whispering absolutely useless words like "You are still radiant, my lord" and "Your glow is undiminished by this trial" and "Your beauty transcends physical discomfort," while his ego struggled desperately to reboot itself like a laptop that had just blue-screened in the middle of an important presentation.

Then the universe aligned perfectly.

His leading foot stepped down onto destiny disguised as abandoned fruit.

His back foot remained planted like it had signed a lease and refused to relocate.

There was a faint sound that could only be described as resembling a wet fart as Lord Jason’s leading leg completely abandoned him without warning and slid forward at high speed while his back leg stayed exactly in position like a stubborn mule.

His expensive designer pants ripped dramatically down the middle with a sound like tearing fabric in a quiet library, revealing little ducks with sunglasses patterned underwear that absolutely screamed I make poor life choices in the underwear department, and he descended into a perfect split that would make professional gymnasts weep with jealousy and possibly call their coaches.

For a split second that felt like an eternity, he hovered in that impossible position, eyes squeezed shut in denial, face gone pale like he had seen death itself, body suspended between grace and absolute disaster.

Time stopped moving.

Silence fell over the courtyard like a funeral shroud.

Birds reconsidered their life choices and flew away.

A nearby squirrel covered its eyes.

Kaizen wanted to laugh out loud so badly it physically hurt his chest, but he could only wrinkle his face in utter agony from holding it in, silently beating his chest like a victorious gorilla who had just defeated the alpha male and jumping up and down internally while witnessing the perfect split that definitely meant Lord Jason’s little brother had just said goodbye forever to this world, and his precious family jewels were now two scrambled omelets that could never be unscrambled.

It was a fate no man should ever suffer at all and Kaizen was just ridiculously proud of himself for orchestrating this absolute masterpiece of petty revenge!

’Lord Jason my perfectly sculpted ass! Take that, you shampoo commercial looking dipshit!’

The goons called out his name in absolute panic.

"LORD JASON!"

"MY LORD!"

"HIS LINEAGE!"

But none of them approached him immediately because nobody with functioning survival instincts wants to be near a man experiencing that level of catastrophic devastation to his future children.

Jason did not open his eyes and simply fell forward in slow motion like a tree being chopped down, landing face first on the cold cobblestone with a sound that echoed through the courtyard and would haunt everyone’s dreams.

His future children were genuinely gone forever.

The bloodline ended here today.

The family tree had been chopped down at the roots.

The goons finally snapped out of their collective shock and ran to him with surprising coordination, carefully picking up his broken body like he was made of glass before sprinting towards the infirmary like they were carrying wounded royalty after a catastrophic battle that had gone horribly wrong.

Kaizen cupped his hands around his mouth and loudly announced to everyone within hearing distance with maximum enthusiasm,

"I will definitely come visit later with fresh bananas and two eggs to help with your recovery!"

Jason, hearing this absolutely horrible promise while being carried away in the arms of his servants, desperately wanted to scream no please god no do not make him remember what he had just lost!

But he physically could not form words anymore because his entire lower body had entered another dimension of pain that transcended human language and possibly required therapy to process.

One of the goons, the sus banana guy, looked back at Kaizen with confusion and called out while running.

"Why two eggs specifically?!"

Kaizen smiled angelically and cupped his hands again.

"Because I heard they are good for recovering masculine vitality!"

The sus guy’s face went pale as understanding dawned.

"Oh no."

"What?" another goon asked while running.

"He just made a joke about Lord Jason’s—"

"DON’T SAY IT!"

They disappeared around the corner at maximum speed while Jason’s broken spirit floated somewhere above his body, watching this tragedy unfold and questioning every decision that led to this moment.

Kaizen stood there alone in the courtyard, hands on his hips, staring at the abandoned banana peel like it was a war memorial.

He bent down respectfully.

He picked it up with both hands.

He held it to his chest.

"Thank you for your service," he whispered to the banana peel with genuine gratitude. "You have done more for me than any weapon ever could."

A passing student witnessed this scene and immediately walked faster in the opposite direction because clearly this was not a situation any sane person wanted to be involved in.

Kaizen gently placed the banana peel in his pocket like a treasured keepsake.

He would frame it later.

He would build a shrine.

This banana peel had accomplished what an entire army could not.

It had brought down the Radiant Sun.

And Kaizen had never felt more alive.