The Mob Character Who Woke Up!-Chapter 64: Gooey Handshake!

"Thank you so much, Lord Jason, for your incredibly kind words and your overwhelming generosity that knows no bounds, and as your devoted scholars so wisely pointed out with great insight and intelligence, the problem clearly lies entirely with me...

"Because I should have recognized the radiant sun approaching from miles away and stepped aside immediately to avoid eclipsing your magnificent brilliance with my pathetic shadow.

"So I deeply and sincerely apologize from the bottom of my heart."

The goons instantly nodded in satisfaction like malfunctioning bobbleheads that had just been validated by their god.

See, they genuinely thought they had won this encounter.

They thought they had successfully forced the short villain into complete submission and taught him a valuable lesson about hierarchy.

They had absolutely no idea they were mere seconds away from witnessing biological warfare disguised as a handshake.

Lord Jason’s perfect lips twitched for a fraction of a second, a microscopic tremor in the marble statue of his face, but he recovered instantly with the grace of a trained performer and smiled with that practiced elegance that probably required daily rehearsal in front of a full-length mirror.

"There is absolutely no need for such excessive humility, kind friend, for we are all sinners stumbling through this imperfect world together on our journey toward enlightenment."

Kaizen almost stood up and applauded right there in the middle of the courtyard.

What a fantastic line straight out of a self-help book.

So gentle and understanding and wise.

So refined and cultured and educated.

So disgustingly diplomatic it made him want to vomit directly onto those expensive shoes.

With the enthusiasm of a man signing a peace treaty after losing a brutal war, Kaizen clasped Lord Jason’s extended hand firmly with both of his own hands.

The wet, warm, questionable handshake landed with purpose and made an audible squelching sound.

And oh god, he felt it happen in real time like watching a car crash in slow motion.

He saw it register in those perfect eyes.

For one glorious, split second that would be forever burned into Kaizen’s memory, Lord Jason’s flawless expression cracked like porcelain under pressure as his brain frantically processed texture, temperature, and the absolutely horrifying realization that something about this handshake was fundamentally not correct on multiple levels.

It was subtle enough that the goons completely missed it.

It was fast enough that most people would dismiss it as imagination.

But it was definitely there etched into his face.

And then it was gone as his extensive training kicked in automatically.

The practiced smile returned to his face like a default setting.

The perfect posture remained flawless despite internal screaming.

The composure held strong through sheer willpower.

Jason Starlham was genuinely strong willed and deserved credit.

But Kaizen was astronomically petty on a cosmic scale.

And in that beautiful moment, petty absolutely triumphed over polish and refinement.

Kaizen beamed internally like a proud goblin who had just successfully sabotaged a royal banquet and gotten away with it.

’Look at him, standing there with his flawless hair and symmetrical face, acting like the second coming of politeness itself, you stupid shampoo commercial looking dipshit.’

His grin widened ever so slightly on the outside while his internal monologue went wild.

’Do not worry, Lord Radiant Sun, this is absolutely not the end of your suffering. This is merely the prologue to your downfall. The opening act. The appetizer before the main course.’

Jason, clearly sensing something spiritually and physically wrong with this handshake on a molecular level that his refined instincts were screaming about, attempted a polite withdrawal of his captured hand.

Kaizen did not let go of that hand.

Instead, he smiled even wider than before, showing more teeth.

Not an innocent smile between friends sharing a moment.

Not a friendly smile between acquaintances being polite.

The specific kind of smile that made people instinctively check their wallets afterward and count their fingers.

Jason gave a soft laugh, the kind that nobles used when they were mildly uncomfortable but completely unwilling to show any form of weakness in front of an audience.

"Yes, well, it is truly good that we understand one another now and can move forward as civilized individuals."

He attempted once more to retrieve his captured hand with a gentle tug.

Kaizen squeezed that hand lovingly.

Not aggressively like a direct threat.

Not painfully like an attack requiring retaliation.

Just firmly enough to communicate nonverbally that no, this beautiful moment belongs to me now and I am not done.

He shifted his grip slightly, his palm sliding just enough to ensure maximum surface contact between their skin, the handshake evolving from polite greeting into deeply unnecessary bonding ritual that was crossing several social boundaries.

Jason’s carefully maintained composure flickered again like a faulty light bulb.

The goons watched this exchange with visible confusion spreading across their faces.

"Is this a cultural thing?"

"Maybe short people shake hands longer?"

Jason tried to pull away again with more force.

Another polite laugh escaped his lips but it sounded strained.

A gentle tug on his trapped hand that was starting to feel desperate.

Kaizen responded by adjusting his grip upward, sliding toward the back of Jason’s hand like he was sealing a blood oath business contract that involved emotional damage and possible therapy.

"I am so terribly sorry, friend," Kaizen said sweetly while his eyes shined with completely fake sincerity that could win acting awards. "My hands are sweating like hell because I am extremely nervous to meet such a radiant star as Lord Jason in person. It is overwhelming."

The goons blinked at this confession.

Then, as if collectively deciding that this was clearly submissive admiration and respect from an inferior, they all nodded approvingly like proud parents.

"See, he knows his place in the social hierarchy."

"At least he admits greatness when he sees it."

"Very self-aware for a commoner."

One of them even gave Kaizen an encouraging thumbs up like he was learning proper etiquette.

Kaizen returned the gesture with terrifying enthusiasm while maintaining unbroken eye contact with Jason like a predator and finally, mercifully, released his hand.

Jason’s practiced smile was now working serious overtime and his...