The Forsaken Hero-Chapter 900: The Shadow of Love

I left the vision trembling, my mind whirling with questions. The horrors of that ruined, forgotten land lingered long after the vision faded, but I pondered more on the presence of the Last Light Company and what Joel had said. He was loyal to a fault, supporting Alverin up until it became clear the king had betrayed his people. Right now, he fought alongside the Company as one of its captains, serving under Bethiv.

It was another piece of the puzzle I’d only glimpsed in visions. Elise and the prince of Blacksand, Sari at eighth-level, and now the Last Light Company securing the wartorn region. With each one, I became more certain of the darkness in this world, and that fate had already arranged for the light that pierced it.

But despite everything, my heart felt lighter after seeing it. I’d been carrying the weight of their suffering, feeling directly responsible for plunging their world into chaos. But I didn’t have to carry that burden. I didn’t have to save this world alone. I just had to play my role and let fate guide others to the paths I could not walk.

Comforted by those thoughts, I allowed myself back into the flow of fate, flitting from vision to vision. I saw war between the demons and humans on the southern continent, cities burn, and armies slaughtered. I saw more companies of the Last Light marching across Brithlite and the surrounding countries, retaking it from the vicious warlords and bandits that had reigned in their absence. I saw Gayron before a shard, absorbing its mana and breaking through the sixth level, and Aerion standing above heaps of elven corpses, covered in blood. And much, much more. So much that it all blurred together, losing all sense of time and purpose. I was a leaf on a river, bobbing up and down on a current, the bank blending as it passed.

The cycle of visions gradually dimmed, and I rose through the darkness toward the light, like swimming from the depths of a sea to the surface. I breached the surface and awoke with a flutter of my eyelids. My body felt heavy, so much so Ithat couldn’t do more than flutter my eyelids and let out a low groan. Someone took my hand, lifting it from silken sheets and squeezing it. A familiar voice spoke, but I couldn’t understand it....R’lissea, maybe?

It brought me back to the demon camp when I’d first awoken and learned I’d been healed of sunpurge. What a strange thing, remembering a memory like that now.

At last, I succeeded in opening my eyes to slits, peering up at the blurry world above. My vision slowly sharpened, and I was left looking into a pair of worried green eyes. R’lissea’s eyes. I’d been right.

"Xiviyah, can you hear me?"

I nodded, aware of her words that time, though seeing her lips move definitely helped in interpreting her voice. But when I tried to speak, my voice was dry and cracked, and the only thing that came out was a whimper. She seemed to understand and eased me into a sitting position, bringing a glass to my lips. I took a sip and coughed, choking on the cool water within. After a few more tentative swallows, she let me back down.

"Better?" she asked.

"I...I think so," I croaked. "...more?"

She smiled in relief and helped me drink more until I’d swallowed the last drop of the glass.

"You’re awake?" I managed, finding every word easier to speak.

Her lips twitched. "I...yeah? I woke up the day after you were attacked."

"Oh. Was that long ago? I feel like a statue. Nothing wants to move."

"About two weeks. Not bad, actually," she said, a small, teasing smile tugging at her lips. "I remember when you were out for like a month."

"So Selena lived?"

"She did. She’s already finished consolidating her soul, if you can believe it. Only took her about a week and a half."

"She’s ninth-level now?"

Another nod. "Yeah. The other elves were really surprised, apparently."

"And the church?"

This question brought a shadow to her face. "They...claimed ignorance of the event. Somehow, every inquisitor they used in the attack was destroyed beyond recognition. The artifact they used to suppress everyone was too strong. Personally, I think they had another enchantment or magic item that did it. They found charred corpses on the sparring fields where they attacked Fable, too."

"Is everyone okay? I tried to weaken the blast, but I...wasn’t strong enough."

"You were perfect," she murmured, caressing my cheek. "After you weakened the artifact, Fyren and Luke managed to contain it with their mana. Both suffered severe sunpurge, but I managed to heal it after I woke up."

I breathed a sigh, the tension leaving my shoulders. "Thank fate. I was so worried."

"Yeah, so we’re kind of stuck on a dead end with the church. We don’t have proof, and they won’t admit anything. And Lord Ellenwinter and Splitbark seemed inclined to take their side, so even if we had something, they might not believe it." She sighed, but straightened, forcing a small smile. "But on the other hand, Korra and Gayron managed to destroy the shard at Sander’s Port. They pushed the Black Mist back from the northern border, meaning the Risen can’t attack from there anymore. It let the elves consolidate their defenses along the east, relieving the Last Light Company. They should be coming back soon."

"What? I raised my head, looking at her. "They’re not going to push on?"

She shrugged. "Korra said they don’t want to move without the support of all of Sylvarus behind them. It would take them too deep into the Black Mist, and without proper supply channels, sustaining a prolonged offensive would be impossible."

"Oh. That’s good, I guess."

I sat back, turning my head and looking out the window. It was bright outside, the sun at about midday. I opened my mouth, looking back at R’lissea, but before I could say anything, the door burst open. I jumped with a squeak, clutching at my blanket, while R’lissea turned. Her lips pursed in a frown as Luke ran in, panting heavily.

"Xiviyah! You’re awake!" he cried, moving so quickly he seemed to materialize by my bedside.

"Luke! We’ve discussed this! You can’t just burst into a girl’s room!" R’lissea chastised, hands on her hips. "You were supposed to wait until someone found you, remember?"

In the open doorway behind him, Luxxa glared at his back, while Jenna struggled to suppress a grin.

"Well, I’m tired of waiting. I sprinted all the way from Ornth just to see her, and she fell asleep barely an hour after I arrived," Luke retorted, kneeling on one knee.

He started to reach for my hand, but paused, noticing it was still clutching the sheet to my chest. His eyes drifted higher, catching the edge of my nightgown just above the fabric. A blush crept up my neck, and I squirmed, hugging the sheet even tighter.

His mouth fell open, and he flushed, hand darting back. R’lissea sighed, folding her arms and shaking her head.

"Can you just leave now? She just woke up and won’t be able to talk or even stand for a while. Give her some space."

"R-Right."

Luke ducked his head, retreating as quickly as he came. He paused in the doorway, looking back. My heart fluttered as our eyes met, and I quickly looked down.

"I’ll wait a little longer. But not much," he said.

He looked at me a moment longer, pursed his lips as if he wanted to say more, but let out only a breath. And then he was gone.

R’lissea huffed, shaking her head again. "That man, he’s bothered me every single...ah, never mind that. Are you feeling up to eating something? You must be starving."

I nodded, looking back up at the doorway. My tail drooped to see it empty. Did he have to leave that quickly?

"Don’t look like that. You’re not even dressed yet!" R’lissea said, plopping on the bed and chuckling. "Gods, you two really are something...I never imagined there would be anyone you looked at like that. Like an abandoned puppy."

"R’lissea..." I mumbled.

"Oh, come on. You know you like him."

"L-Like?" My tail went rigid. "That’s not...I mean, it isn’t...I’m not..."

"Do you even know what that word means?" she asked, leaning back on her hands, looking over at me.

I avoided her gaze, kneading my hands in the blanket. Korra liked Gayron, right? And Tanna and Sorrin, too. Did I...like Luke in the same way? But what did that mean? Someone to kiss, hold hands, and sleep with? I’d done those things with dozens, maybe hundreds of people in my previous life, yet never once had I felt the way I did when I looked at Luke. The closest I’d even gotten to that was with Soltair, even if now, when I thought about him, I felt sick to my stomach. But it would be lying if I said there had never been a point I wouldn’t have minded had he chosen to take me, like the Fire Hero suggested.

Kisses were a currency, a means to secure protection, food, and warmth. That was why I’d permit it, and even expected it. He’d given me more than I’d sold myself for before, and I wouldn’t have blamed him for taking what was his right in return. Instead, he took something else—a tool to exercise his power, a convenient excuse for heroics, a prop to his pride.

Luke, though. Luke hadn’t tried to exact any price; he’d never tried to take anything. He gave me the warmth and safety I so desperately yearned for with nothing in return.

But even if it was Luke, the thought of even kissing him caused me to tremble. I couldn’t think of that without remembering the hundreds of others who had taken me, who had hurt and humiliated me in the worst ways possible. I couldn’t forget Aurle, lying in my arms, the light gone from her eyes, and the man who had raped her, just like he’d almost done to me.

And yet...there were things I couldn’t account for. If physical intimacy only existed in that light, how could I explain the joy between Tanna and Sorrin? They’d been so eager to give themselves to each other. There was no hurt or exploitation between them. No anything that I’d thought defined love and a relationship. There was something more, something missing. But what that something was was as foreign to me as a smile in Lord Byron’s dungeon.

If love were real, and I wasn’t certain it was, then it was like happiness. All my life, I’d lived in its shadow, never knowing its light. And now, like a door had been opened, I felt its darkness and chill. A part of me that had been buried and starved had awoken. A hole I needed filled, a night that needed the dawn. A desperate plea for a love it had never known.