The Bride He Hates-Chapter 97: Azreal’s World

Three days after Lyanna left, a man was brought before Azrael. He had stolen from a merchant’s stall and the merchant was demanding punishment.

"What did you steal?" Azrael asked.

"Bread, Your Majesty." The man replied, trembling. "Just two loaves. My children were hungry, and I couldn’t..."

"Did you steal or didn’t you?" Azrael asked again.

"I did, but..."

"No buts." Azrael said. "Theft is theft. Desperation doesn’t excuse breaking the law. You’re sentenced to twenty lashes in public tomorrow."

"Your Majesty, please...my children..."

"You should have thought of them before you stole." Azrael said. "Next case."

Guards dragged the sobbing man away. The council members looked at each other. Some approved of this version of him while others looked uncomfortable.

"Your Majesty." Lord Cassius said after the session was over. "That was a wise decision. The court needs to see strength, especially given the queen’s absence."

"But I wasn’t being strong. I was being cruel." Azrael replied.

"But according to me, strong leadership requires firm punishment." Lord Cassius replied. "You’ve been too soft since your marriage, letting compassion get in the way of justice. It’s good to see you ruling like a vampire again."

That was when Azrael realized the council approved of this version of him. They liked this cruel king who valued control over compassion, who punished without mercy, and who maintained order through fear.

They had been tolerating his softness only beacuse of his marriage. But now that Lyanna was gone, and he was falling back into his old ways, they were relieved.

That evening, when he went to his chambers, he realized Lyanna’s scent was already fading. Her presence was disappearing from the castle. He sat on her side of the bed and felt the weight of what he had lost.

He wanted to write to her. He wanted to apologize and beg her to come back. But what would he say?

I’m sorry I need you to be better. Please come back and continue the exhausting work of making me better."

That wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t love.

So he sat in the empty chambers and cried, thinking about what he had lost.

Azrael eventually immersed himself in work. Because when he was reviewing intelligence, and making decisions, he didn’t have to think about the emptiness, Lyanna’s absence or how he had destroyed the best thing in his life.

He worked from dawn until past midnight. He barely slept. If he managed to sleep for an hour or two, he woke from dreams of Lyanna’s hurt eyes.

"Your Majesty, you need to rest." Adrian said one evening, watching Azrael still in his study at two in the morning. "You haven’t slept properly in days."

"I’m fine." Azrael said, not looking up from the intelligence reports.

"You’re not." Adrian said. "You’re pushing yourself too hard. But for what? The work can wait until tomorrow."

"The work is all I have left." Azrael replied. "Go to bed, Adrian. I don’t need supervision."

"I sent her a letter. I told her how you’re doing." Adrian said after hesitating for a moment.

Azrael’s head snapped up.

"You what?"

"She deserves to know what is happening here." Adrian replied. "Whether that influences her decisions is up to her. But I’m not going to hide anything from her."

"What did you tell her?"

"The truth." Adrian replied. "That you’re working obsessively, barely sleeping, becoming cruel in your judgments. That you’re falling back into your old cold ways."

"It’s not about old cold ways." Azrael said. "This is who I really am, who I’ve always been. Lyanna just made me temporarily better, and without her, I’m back to my old self."

"Do you really think so?" Adrian asked. "You really think that you can’t be better without her?"

"Look at my decisions this week, Adrian. A man stole food for his hungry family. I sentenced him to twenty lashes. The version of me with Lyanna would have looked into why he needed to steal, addressed the poverty issue, and shown mercy."

"So change the sentence." Adrian said. "You’re the king. You can show mercy even without her."

"But I don’t want to." Azrael said bitterly. "That’s the problem, Adrian. Without Lyanna here making me feel guilty about cruel punishments, without her looking at me with disappointment in her eyes, I don’t feel motivated to be better."

"If you’re only better when she’s watching or to avoid her disappointment, then you never actually changed. You just performed."

"I know that." He replied. "Leave me alone, Adrian. I have reports to review. The Crimson Cross doesn’t care that my wife left me, so neither can I."

A week after Lyanna left, Azrael unable to hold on any longer, sat down to write her a letter. He wrote and rewrote it a dozen times but burned each one.

Finally, after writing a dozen drafts, he poured all his feelings on the paper. He wrote about everything he had done wrong, everything he understood now, and everything he wished he could change.

He sealed the letter and sent it before he could have second thoughts. Then he waited for her response, for her forgiveness, hoping that maybe they could still fix their relationship.

Days passed but there was no reply from her. After a week, Adrian brought her letter.

Understanding is different from changing. Needing me to be your moral compass isn’t love, it’s dependence. I can’t come back to save you from yourself.

Azrael read it, and something broke inside him. He then made a decision.

If she couldn’t come back to save him from himself, then he would stop trying to be saved.

He would embrace what he was. He would become the monster he was.

One Week After Lyanna’s Response

Azrael stood in empty council chamber. It was late, past midnight. Everyone had gone to bed hours ago. But he couldn’t bear the emptiness of the chambers he had shared with Lyanna, so he would come here instead.

"Your Majesty?" Sienna called him from the door. "I saw the light on. Couldn’t sleep?"

Azreal nodded.

Sienna stepped inside and kept a respectful distance from him.

"You look worried."

"I’m fine."

"Azrael, I know I overstepped before. I know I’m responsible for the situation with your wife. But I’m still your friend. And as your friend, I’m worried about you."