Submitting to My Best Friend's Dad-Chapter 935 : Breaking Point

*Bianca*

I felt miserable.

One moment I was on top of the world.

Sitting in his lap as he proclaimed his love and promised a future together. My arms were around his neck as he kissed me deeply, the taste of the sweet sparkling water I’d tricked him into drinking on my tongue. I didn’t even dare to bring wine out because of the baby and it was the right choice, I thought as my eyes fluttered closed.

His hands trailing up my bare thighs, lifting the skirt of the gorgeous dress I’d picked out just for tonight. I felt like a goddess with the way his eyes were glued to me all night. I felt like I had finally made the right decision. That everything would be okay.

Even the presence of the gorgeous lock that lay right over my chest like a faint heartbeat gave me courage. The confession was just on the tip of my tongue, the longing for the family between us and just as his hand wrapped around my waist, his fingers spreading across my still flat belly.

Then I felt it.

The rumbling nausea started in my belly and quickly made its way up to my throat. I swallowed as hard as I could but there was no stopping it. Like a volcano about to erupt, I pulled back as quickly as I could and slammed my hand over my mouth.

Fucking hell, I thought as I jumped out and ran to the bathroom as fast as I could. I barely made it before I fell to my knees at the toilet and threw up everything I had just eaten. Tears spilled over my cheeks as I felt Leo’s presence behind me, holding back my hair but I was trembling harshly against the porcelain, unable to whisper a single apology.

When I was finally done, I wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet, feeling more awful than ever. On my knees on the bathroom floor, my pretty dress was now ruined, and I had lost both of my heels somewhere along the way.

I’d turned from Cinderella to rags in a heartbeat.

Leo was there though. He picked me up even though I couldn’t say a damn word to him and carried me back to the bedroom just like before. I shivered in his arms while my skin felt too hot to the touch, somehow my stomach roiled with nausea and rumbled in hunger at the same time.

As Leo tucked me in, brushing my hair from the thin layer of sweat across my skin, I was just about to wonder if now would be a good time to tell him the truth when he said the last thing I wanted to hear right now.

“Are you pregnant?”

The silence was deafening.

My eyes went utterly wide, and I didn’t realize how terrified I was of that word until Leo had said it aloud. I grabbed hold of the locket around my neck like it was my lifeline, all of my words stuck inside my throat as I slowly looked up to see his expression.

His face was hardened, displaying a level of panic I had never seen from him before. Every inch of my blood ran cold as we stared at one another in silence.

What could I say? The truth? Not when he looked like his world was falling apart. Not when it seemed like he wouldn’t be able to handle it. Not when his eyes were screaming at me to say no.

Tears spilled over my cheeks, hot burning ones that I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to.

“Would...” My voice was hoarse as I asked. “Would that really be such a bad thing?”

It was a hypothetical question, even if it was the truth. But to Leo, I’d practically confirmed his worst fears.

“You are?” He reeled back alarmed, even pulling his hand from mine like he was touching hot burning coals.

I trembled as emotions flashed across his face too fast for me to see - anger and guilt, disbelief and shock but all of it came back to one thing.

Utter despair.

Misery didn’t even begin to describe what I felt then. My mouth closed with a snap as every inch of me deeply hurt.

“This can’t be happening! It can’t! We can’t bring a child into this world yet. Not with Michael still–” Leo was too trapped in his panic to see the crushed look on my face as he paced back and forth in front of the bed.

“He’ll try to use you and the baby to get to me and I can’t protect something so helpless! And Bianca, pregnant women are too vulnerable– if something would happen to you or the child, I would never forgive myself!”

What hurt the most out of everything as I laid there sick to my stomach from carrying our baby was that he called it ‘the child’. Not ours.

Like he had no claim to our baby. Like he was a thing, not a life growing in my belly that we made together. And I think that was the point where my heart broke into two.

“Leo,” I plastered on a smile through my tears, my whole body protesting as I sat up slowly and reached out to grab his sleeve.

He turned to me with wide panicking eyes and I knew that feeling. I knew that he was freaking out because he loved me. Because he didn’t know how to keep me or the baby safe.

That his panic stemmed from a place of love.

But that didn’t make the crushing ache in my heart go away. It didn’t wash away the denial I heard in his voice as he called our baby ‘the child’. My tears didn’t stop as I kept on that same reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry, I’m not pregnant,” I lied, giving him the out he much wanted. I watched with hollow eyes as he practically sagged in relief, not even questioning me. “I just don’t feel well. Probably something bad I ate.”

This time he did give me a look of doubt. “This isn’t the first time. Are you allergic to something?”

“Maybe,” I hummed noncommittally. I kept smiling, even as he leaned over to fuss over me, brushing back my hair and wiping the tears that just wouldn’t stop.

“I’m just sad I ruined our date night,” I explained to him as an excuse and he quickly believed it.

“You didn’t ruin the night,” Leo chuckled in response, “You gave us a wonderful night we’ll always remember, Bianca. Thank you.”

His words were like daggers to my heart but I said nothing.

“I understand,” I lied again, keeping that stupid smile on my face like the idiot I was.

“Well, the night’s not over yet,” Leo grinned suggestively, thinking everything was fine and he leaned over to kiss me but for the first time since we had met, true revulsion filled my body.

I couldn’t stop the reaction of my own body as I covered his lips with my palm, pushing him away gently. I saw the surprise flash in his eyes after I dodged him.

“Sorry but I’m tired, Leo,” I told him flatly as I curled into bed.

I saw his frown from the corner of my eye but he said nothing. He gently rubbed his hand over my leg, sighing heavily.

“I’m sorry about all that, Bianca. I just... panicked when I thought you were pregnant. I do want kids with you. Just not right now. Not until I know I can protect you both,” His words were meant to be heart-warming. Meant to bring me comfort but all I felt was the bitter taste of disappointment on my tongue.

He’d let me down.

Again.

“I get it. I just don’t feel good still. I’m gonna sleep it over hopefully,” I said muffled through the blankets that were practically covering my head now. I hid my face in the pillows, not wanting him to see me. Luckily, he agreed easily.

“Alright, sleep well, baby,” He said gently, rubbing my back tenderly. Leo helped me change into more comfortable clothes, even helping me wipe off my makeup insistently before I could finally go to bed to his satisfaction.

I quieted down, squeezing my eyes shut as I pretended to doze off. My legs turned numb by the time he finally was convinced I was asleep and got up himself.

I heard him shifting around, then the bedroom light flicked off. He tip-toed across the floors, trying to be kind no matter how meaningless the gesture was. I heard him sneak into the closet before I heard the bathroom door shutting quietly.

It was only once the sound of the shower came on, the pitter-patter like rain falling I truly believed I was alone.

I opened my eyes, pulling the blankets down as I stared aimlessly into the darkness of the empty bedroom.

Three nights I’d been alone.

Tonight was supposed to solve everything. I’d worked up all my courage to tell him the truth tonight, good or bad. But it had all been useless.

Leo didn’t want to hear the truth.

And bit by bit, my broken heart crawled into the lump in my throat and I laid a hand over my belly, right where the slight pudge was growing. Barely noticeable, especially under the layers I added but I knew he was there.

Our baby.

Whose Daddy didn’t want him.

I broke down into the silence, stuffing the blankets over my mouth to muffle the sound as the tears soaked into the pillow. I choked down my sobs, trying not to let Leo overhear as I whispered soft apologies to the baby.

Taylor had been right from the start. To Leo, the baby and I were liabilities. Loved ones that were only weaknesses meant to be used against him.

This wasn’t living. I was trapped like a canary in a cage of my own making, bound by the chains I called love while I watched all of my freedoms be taken away one by one. And now I was bringing my child into this as well.

I cried until I couldn’t anymore, and then I pretended to be asleep still even as Leo came back to bed. He wrapped his arms around me to pull me close but I’d never felt so far from him. I stared at the clock on the nightstand, watching the minutes turn into hours as the time passed by.

And I wished.

I wished I could change things. I wished I was better at making decisions. I wished I wasn’t so naive and gullible and I wished that my baby had two parents who loved him with all their hearts.

But most of all, I wished that I wasn’t such a burden to the man I loved.