Standing Next To You-Chapter 359: Don’t blame yourself

Grandma Pei waved at the two teenagers outside the car. "Have fun, you two. I’ll bake you cookies next time, my dear Sangyun."

When the car carrying Grandma Pei left, Fei Chuan finally let out a sigh of relief. His sigh was so loud that Bei Sangyun felt amused.

"Why do you seem more nervous than I am?" she asked.

"...It’s nothing. Anyway, don’t believe everything Grandma Pei said."

Bei Sangyun raised an eyebrow. "Which part? When you cried after I left when we were little? Or when you looked for me the moment you arrived in the Capital?"

Fei Chuan was speechless. Both statements were true.

Seeing his expression, Bei Sangyun chuckled. "I didn’t know you cared so much about me. I thought you hated me back then. It turns out I was your first crush."

Fei Chuan’s ears turned red. "...What lies."

Bei Sangyun stopped teasing him and reached out her hand. "No one is around; we can hold hands, right?"

They were on top of the hill. The glowing sunset behind her and the beautiful scenery below were breathtaking. However, for Fei Chuan, the sparkle in her eyes and the soft smile on her face were the most beautiful sights.

Fei Chuan held her hand. "Mhm." It was really good that he found this place.

The two walked down the hill together. The breeze was refreshing, carrying the smell of spring. The sunset turned everything an orange hue. Their shadows overlapped as they walked.

"...I didn’t hate you," Fei Chuan suddenly answered the question she had asked earlier.

Bei Sangyun didn’t expect him to answer.

"...In fact, I wanted to be close to you. That’s why I went to that school. When you moved up a class, I moved into that class as well. I wanted to befriend you, so I showed my skills and moved up in rank. All I wanted was to get close to you so we could be friends. But... I got the opposite result. You hated me instead."

Bei Sangyun’s heart trembled. It turns out it was her who had hated him first.

She lowered her gaze, hiding the guilt in her heart.

Their past lives were filled with twists and turns. Misunderstandings piled up until they had become a mountain too hard to overcome. They became a bane to each other’s existence. Only when the other was gone did they realize how important that person was to them, resulting in a sorrowful ending.

But that was the past, and she would no longer let it happen again. Her relationship with Fei Chuan was getting better. He had forgiven her, and he was opening up his heart to her.

"...I was truly stupid back then," Bei Sangyun replied. "You were the first person I admired. For me, you were a figure I wanted to surpass but couldn’t. So I came to hate you instead." Bei Sangyun smiled at him. "But that was the past. I am no longer blind—"

Her words were suddenly cut off by a hug. Fei Chuan embraced her.

Bei Sangyun blinked in surprise. She instinctively hugged him back. "...What’s wrong?"

Fei Chuan rested his chin on top of her head. She couldn’t see his expression, but she could hear the tremble in his voice. frёewebnoѵēl.com

"...So that’s why you looked at me like that back then. Please don’t hate me again, okay?"

Bei Sangyun was perplexed, but comforting Fei Chuan had to come first. Although confused, she patted his back to reassure him. "I won’t ever hate you. And..."

She lowered her gaze as she remembered what Grandma Pei had said. "...Please don’t ever blame yourself. What happened to me back then was because of my bad luck. To be honest, I am very thankful that I met you."

Fei Chuan hugged her tighter. "...I am thankful too that I was thrown into that village."

Bei Sangyun smiled and teased him. "...Is it because I was there?"

Fei Chuan didn’t respond, but his silence was agreement enough. Bei Sangyun’s smile widened.

They hugged for a long time. Bei Sangyun enjoyed being in his arms. She didn’t expect it to be this comfortable and soothing. If she had known earlier, she would have hugged him like this every chance she got.

A long time passed as the two enjoyed the kinship between them.

When Bei Sangyun started to doze off, Fei Chuan spoke again, his voice gentle.

"...So I am also your first crush? You said you admired me."

Bei Sangyun: "...." Out of all the things she said, this was what he picked up on?

She chuckled. "Yeah. Back then and until now. I still like you." She paused and corrected herself, "Actually, no. I am liking you more and more."

There was no immediate reply to her words. Bei Sangyun blinked. She had confessed her whole heart, yet she didn’t receive a response? What a shame.

Fei Chuan suddenly leaned in, lowering his head just enough to capture her lips.

Bei Sangyun’s eyes widened briefly, then narrowed in happiness. She closed her eyes and responded softly to his sweet kiss.

As the sun set over the lovely hill, the two shared a tender moment, their lips meeting in a sweet kiss.

*****

Epilogue:

It was the tenth anniversary of Bei Sangyun’s death. After a decade, no one visited her grave anymore except for one person.

Years had passed. Although his hair was starting to turn gray and wrinkles appeared at the corners of his eyes, Fei Chuan remained as handsome as ever. Bei Sangyun’s death had taken a toll on him, something even he hadn’t expected.

The first few years were bearable. He maintained good health and seemed unburdened mentally. Yet, as night fell, he would unconsciously dream of her. Memories flooded back—their childhood, their brief high school encounter, and their reunion as adults. Every moment with her played vividly in his mind, causing him to wake with chest pain and a suffocating feeling.

Only after a decade did he understand the meaning behind those sleepless nights.

Now that he had admitted his feelings, confusion and anger no longer plagued him. Instead, he was filled with regret and sorrow. If only he had understood his feelings earlier, when she was alive, could their ending have been different?

Fei Chuan cleaned her tomb alone and adorned the surrounding area with flowers. He couldn’t bear the thought of her being alone in this somber grave.

Afterward, he spread a blanket and began recounting unrelated stories, narrating his daily encounters. No matter how mundane the tales, he spoke with passion, as if his unseen listener hung on every word.

In the cemetery, only his voice broke the silence. When he paused, the quiet engulfed everything once more, echoing the lonely stillness of the graveyard.

The place felt devoid of life, gloomy, dark, and unsettling.

"This place doesn’t suit her," he muttered softly.

The person in his memories was powerful, stunning, and deserved to be surrounded by praise and admiration from everyone. She didn’t belong in this gloomy place all alone.

If he hadn’t been here, would she have been left alone in this dreary graveyard? She had been alone and suffering when she died. He didn’t want her to feel such sadness even after death.

Just thinking about it made his heart ache once more.

Fei Chuan’s eyes dimmed. "...If only I could have been with you during your hardest times... maybe you wouldn’t have felt so lonely when you passed..." An uncontrollable tear trickled down his aged face, which he quickly wiped away. "...Oh, dear me. I’m becoming old and sentimental." He managed a smile, though it carried a profound sadness.

He spent the day with her, trying to lighten the mood with his familiar stories and a forced smile.

But later, deep in the night, he came again. Drunk, with his emotions out in the open, as he did every night.

He kneeled in front of her tomb. His tears fell continuously as he stared at her tomb without a word.

"....I am sorry....It’s my fault....my fault."

Only when he passed out crying would his subordinates come and carry him to the car. This had been happening since the eighth year of her death.

After the anniversary of her death, he would spend the day in the cemetery lightheartedly. He would plant flowers, water them, clean the grave, and spend most of the day as if he were on a picnic.

But once he left, he would drink himself into oblivion. Only to come back here, crying without a word.

Bei Sangyun watched all of this. This man could not see her, but she could see him. He could not feel her, but she could feel his sorrow and despair.

’It’s all my fault...’

These words he repeated over and over again seemed ridiculous to Bei Sangyun.

Why was he blaming himself?

It wasn’t his fault. None of it was his fault.

She just had...bad luck in fate.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t even tell this to that foolish man.