ROSES HAVE THORNS-Chapter 87 - Mr. Shittypants

The fluorescent lights overhead hummed with an eerie buzz that seemed to vibrate against the metal table. Inside the interrogation room, the air was stale and stagnant, smelling of floor cleaner mixed with old coffee.

Kurt sat bolt upright with his hands in his pockets and leg crossed over the other. He stared across the table where an empty chair stood, waiting for the man that they would have to convince, or otherwise threaten, for his cooperation.

Emelie stood behind Kurt. She was leaning back against the wall with her arms crossed and hood covering most of her face as her sharp gaze watched the entrance of the open metal door in anticipation of when Dominik would bring in the cultist.

"Say Emy," Kurt looked over his shoulder. "Do you wanna play good cop bad cop when they get here? Or I guess in this case it’d be good prefect bad prefect."

"Good prefect? Bad prefect? What bullshit are you spouting this time?"

"I mean think about it." Kurt turned halfway around on his chair and slung his arm over the crest rail. "You’d be the perfect bad prefect. You already got the looks with that sharp glare and attitude of an impatient veteran who’s sick of doing the same song and dance over and over. Very dark and brooding.

And I’d be the perfect good prefect. I’d ease him into a false sense of security, make him think that I’m really on his side. Little does he know, I’m actually a level 99 mafia boss and that he got fooled by my silver tongue."

"I suppose I could play along..." Emelie agreed despite the lack of enthusiasm in her voice. "But if it were up to me, I’d rather just bash the prick’s skull in until he agrees to help us."

"And that’s why you’re that bad prefect." Kurt gloated with a smug expression as he turned back around.

Finally, from a distance, they heard the approaching footsteps of Dominik’s steel boots as well as the soft patter of bare feet slapping against the cold tiles of the corridor.

"... W-Why am I going back for questioning?! I already told you everything I know! Which isn’t much considering I’m only a low grunt!"

"... Yeah yeah. Save the talking for when you’re in the interrogation room, yeesh..."

"Kurt." Emelie pushed herself off the wall and stood next to him.

"Yep. Here they come. Get ready and put your mean face on, Emy. Cause it’s about to get... stinky."

Dominik arrived through the door with the cultist, who was for some reason blindfolded, in tow.

"You know the drill. Take a seat in that empty chair and slide your wrists through the table cuffs. Don’t make me use force on you, and we won’t have a problem. My friends here have something to ask of you, so please be kind enough to answer them politely."

"I know, I know. But why’d you blind me? This didn’t happen before when I came here."

"You’ll see soon enough." Dominik uncuffed the cultist’s hands and guided him to the chair where he then slid his wrists into the table cuffs. "You ready, Kurt? Emelie?"

"Mmhm." Emelie nodded.

"Yeah. Take off the blindfold, Dom."

"W-Wait... That voice is."

As Dominik took off the blindfold, the fluorescent lights lit the cultist’s eyes in a blinding fashion, causing him to wince momentarily. Once his eyes adapted, he saw the one-eyed madman who threatened him on the ship, causing him to have an unfortunate accident.

"Hello. We meet again, Mr. Shittypants–"

"UWAAAAH! G-GET ME OUT! GET ME OUT OF HERE! H-HE’S GOING TO KILL ME! HELP! HEEELP!"

"Looks like we won’t be able to play your little game, Kurt." Emelie recoiled at his sudden outburst.

".... PLEEEAASE! I DON’T WANT TO DIE!"

"Dammit! *Tsk* I was really looking forward to it too. I had a whole script written out in my head." Kurt slouched back in his chair with disappointment.

"Wait? Was Emelie right? Was he really scared of your face back then?" Dominik held a hand over his mouth as tears started to form.

"... TOBIAS! MY BRETHEREN! ANYONE! SAVE ME!"

"Pffthaha! I told you Rosie~ Look what happened to poor Mr. Shittypants after he saw your mug again~" Emelie smirked at Kurt.

"This is the worst... Am I really ugly?"

"Is there something wrong with my eyes? Is Kurt really that ugly?" Dominik thought out loud.

"... OH NO! NO NO NO! IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN! I-I CAN’T– I CAN’T HOLD IT IN! I’M GONNA– I’M GONNA–!"

"""Hmm?""" Emelie, Kurt and Dominik all looked at the cultist at the same time when suddenly they heard,

BRAAAAAP! Pfftoooooo... Toot

"""....""""

"... *Sob* S-Save me *sniff* my brethren *sob*..."

"OH FUCK NO! THAT’S FUCKING DISGUSTING!" Emelie stormed out of the room while holding her hoody over her nose.

"Oh dear Goddess above I feel like I’m gonna *hurk* *blech*" Dominik crouched in the corner of the room and started gagging at the wretched smell.

"..." And Kurt was left speechless as he stared blankly at the cultist who was ugly crying in his chair.

"... Hey shitpants." Kurt called to him.

"P-Please just take me back to my cell... Oh no... I’m getting another stomachache... I can’t hold it–"

SLAM

"HEY, SHITPANTS! I"M TAKING TO YOU!" Kurt slammed and stabbed his switch knives on the table to catch to cultist’s attention

"Heeeeeee! N-No–! *Braap* *Fraap*..... *sob*"

"If you don’t stop shitting and crying for one second, I swear to God I’m gonna gouge your eye out and eat it right in front of you. You know what they call me? The Bloody One-Eyed Doctor. Heard of me? No? Well, you’re sure as hell gonna know after I’m through with you. So, you better do as I say. Understand?"

"... *Sob* *pfftoo* S-Save me–"

"I SAID, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?" Kurt pointed the knife inches from his pupil.

"I-I understand! P-Please forgive me! I’ll do anything you say! Just don’t eat my eye!"

"Good. I have one simple job for you. You see, we’re gonna go on a little trip together. Where, you ask? To the island where your sick ’brethren’ are keeping those kids they took away from their families. What I want you to do is to merely say, when asked, that we are part of your cult. The newcomers, if you so will. And that you’re just showing us around on... let’s say... Tobias’s orders. Are we clear?"

"Y-You know where we’re keeping those kids? H-How?"

"I asked you a simple yes or no question and instead you’re asking me questions of your own. Do you know what that gets you?"

"W-Wait! Please don’t–!"

"Damn, I’m feeling kinda hungry! Say goodbye to your right eye!" Kurt pulled back his hand and thrust the knife towards the cultist’s eye.

"Y-YES! WE’RE CLEAR! I UNDERSTAND!"

"Really?" Kurt stopped and slowly trailed the knife down his cheek. "Then tell me what you’re supposed to do."

"I-I have to say that you’re part of our brotherhood!"

"And if they ask for verification?"

"I-I’ll say that you’re newbies still learning the ropes of our operations!"

’Hmm, I feel like that isn’t enough. I should probably ask Emelie if we need anything that’ll serve as solid proof that we’re really a part of them.’

"On whose orders?"

"T-Tobias! It’s all on Tobias’s orders!"

"Good. And just know that the moment you act out of line and betray us, or if I sense that you’re secretly trying to communicate with your ’brothers’, is the moment I’ll stab my knife right up your shitty asshole and straight into your mouth so that you know what shame tastes like. Got it?"

"Y-Yessir! I-I won’t betray you! I value my life above all else!"

"Yeah, I can see that. You’re about to betray your stupid brotherhood just to save your own skin. You make me sick. Hey Dom! Quit gagging in the corner and take Mr. Shittypants away from here. We got ourselves a way in."

"W-Why me? Why is it always me..." Dominik took a deep breath and dragged the cultist out of the room and back to his cell, but not before taking him to the men’s showers.

...

"Hey Emy. I’m back." Kurt tapped her shoulder from behind as she was sitting in the lobby and watching the rain.

"Finally. And? Did you convince him to agree to our plan?"

"Yeah. Golden ticket secured. Which reminds me, when we arrive at the island, how are we going to definitively prove that we are part of their club? We didn’t really go over that part of the plan."

"Don’t worry. I already thought about that... All we need are the captured cultist’s personal tags. I know somebody who can forge identities through... not so legal means." She whispered.

"Nice. Secret connections... Wait. Can this contact also hack into a personal tag’s banking info, and take money out of it?" Kurt whispered back.

"Yes. Why?"

"... Dammiiiiit... If only I still had Arlo’s tag; I could’ve been even richer. Just you wait, Tobias. When I find you, I’ll make you pay tenfold."