Reborn To Be The Imperial Consort [BL]-Chapter 64: Thalassotélos — VII

Hu Lijing raised his head at the reminder, amber eyes shining with tears as he bit his lower lip and nodded somewhat jerkily, not letting go of Long ZhenHai’s hands.

The heat of his hands a nameless but exceedingly familiar warmth against the dragon’s cold ones, his touch a burning, invisible brand on Long ZhenHai’s skin.

A mark no one could see, not even Long ZhenHai himself. But still, he could feel it. In his body, on the skin clinging to his person, deep in his bones, the scalding brand burnt right into his very soul.

The soul he shared with Hu Lijing yet couldn’t quite understand.

As Hu Lijing opened his mouth to speak, flushed pink lips quivering ever so slightly as his voice filled the suffocating silence of the room, Long ZhenHai’s long eyelashes trembled, icy blue eyes hidden behind the curtain of his flesh gleaming with unshed tears.

It was a relief to hear the voice he so desperately craved to hear. It was a blessing to be so near the body of the man he so deeply loved. To feel his warmth, to be able to touch his hands, to feel the comforting yet nervous squeeze of his hands clasped around Long ZhenHai’s own.

How had he managed to force himself to maintain his distance? To not hear Hu Lijing’s voice for years on end, to not be able to see him smile, to not hear his laughter, the warm cadence of his voice gentle only for Long ZhenHai himself?

To not be able to touch him, to hold him close unless their heart, mind and body were clouded only by the most primal of their instincts?

How had he done it before?

Long ZhenHai didn’t know. All he did know was that now having Hu Lijing so close to himself, holding his hand so tightly, kneeling down in front of him and talking in such a trembling voice was causing his resolve to crumble.

He wanted to be angry at Hu Lijing for longer, he wanted to hold the resentment, the pain, the disappointment for longer than this.

But he couldn’t.

Long ZhenHai loved Hu Lijing. No one could change that, not even Hu Lijing himself.

No matter how much the divine fox — the other half of his soul — tried, or believed that he could.

No, he couldn’t.

Long ZhenHai knew. He knew so intimately how deep his feelings, his love, his care and his desire for Hu Lijing ran.

Hu Lijing was the half of his soul, after all. How could Long ZhenHai love no one but him?

Him and him alone?

How could he stop his heart from belonging to Hu Lijing? How could he even try and take it back?

He couldn’t.

The purpose of his life, his entire existence, was centred around Hu Lijing and Hu Lijing alone.

He took a deep breath. Long ZhenHai was born, he was created to be Hu Lijing’s. In whatever capacity he was allowed.

His existence started with Hu Lijing, his end would be with the divine fox as well.

His hands trembled as he absentmindedly listened to the divine fox. His other half, the sole reason behind his existence.

He drew a trembling breath, fingers clenching as Hu Lijing’s words poured through his one ear and spilled out of the other, all he could hear was the divine fox’s beautiful voice; his words barely did register.

They simply faded into intelligible nothingness in face of the beautiful symphony of the nine-tailed fox’s voice.

He looked down at the love of his life, the reason of his life, eyes half-lidded as he watched those beautiful lips move, not quite hearing the words formed by them.

His mind drifted, heart aching as he felt the pad of Hu Lijing’s thumbs stroke his hands oh so gently, as though Long ZhenHai was made of fragile porcelain.

Perhaps he really was. Perhaps it was his heart that was made of delicate porcelain. Small enough that it could accommodate only one person forever and always.

And that very person sat in front of him, kneeling at his feet, saying things Long ZhenHai didn’t understand despite listening to his voice very attentively. freeweɓnovēl.coɱ

As long as Hu Lijing lived, his soul lived, Long ZhenHai too would inevitably continue to exist, no matter the form he took.

He wished he could tell that to Hu Lijing. But what was the point of telling him that?

It wasn’t like he would truly understand the deeper meaning, the higher implication behind it.

But he wished he could tell Hu Lijing. Even if just once.

"...—Hai? ZhenHai? ZhenHai?!"

The loud call woke Long ZhenHai out of his thoughts with a jolt. His lips parted ever so slightly as his heart thundered against his chest, eyes wide as he looked down at Hu Lijing’s face.

"Yes, yes, Jing’ge?" He croaked, feeling the soreness behind his eyes and the taut muscles lining his shoulder. But he didn’t move, nor did he let out a small hiss.

"Were you listening to me?" Hu Lijing asked, concerned but sceptical.

No, he did. He didn’t catch a single word that left Hu Lijing’s mouth.

Long ZhenHai nodded, lethargically. "Yes. I did."

Hu Lijing’s nose scrunched up in the way it usually did when he got annoyed. "You’re lying."

Unable to resist, Long ZhenHai easily conceded, confessing in a low voice. "Mn. I didn’t hear what you said, please reiterate for me?"

Hu Lijing snorted softly. More fond than annoyed as he nodded. "I’ll keep it short, you seem to require more rest than you think."

"Thank you so much, Jing’ge." Long ZhenHai nodded, feeling grateful as he offered him a soft smile, a gentle upcurve of his lips.

"It’s nothing." Hu Lijing mumbled, smiling back at him, amber eyes shining softly. "I was saying that I love you. I love you more than I could hope to express and more than I could love anyone, or anything. Even myself, ZhenHai." He whispered gently.

Then, he paused as Long ZhenHai’s heart thumped against his chest, a fire burning throughout his body as his hands trembled at Hu Lijing’s confession.

Hu Lijing looked down, his own shoulders trembling as he brought Long ZhenHai hands to his face, pressing his forehead on the back as he sighed, shakily.

"But— but we cannot be together." Hu Lijing whispered, breathless. "Never like lovers. Never."

"Why?" Long ZhenHai asked, feeling the barely mended heart beating inside his chest crack once more. "Why, Jing’ge?"

Hu Lijing looked up at him, through the mesmerising curtains of his tear-stained lashes, lips shaking as he uttered those words Long ZhenHai always dreaded.

"I saw it in the stars. I saw it in the stars of your fate, of mine." He paused and took a deep breath, kissing his fingertips as he continued. "Should the two of us unite as one, as lovers, as inseparable halves of one. A disaster shall descend upon one of us. Big enough to take our lives. Perhaps one of us or perhaps both. I do not know, ZhenHai."

"I lie awake at nights reading the stars, hoping desperately for their paths to change. I pray in silence, ignoring the agony of my very soul. I die every night and their paths remain the same. The merciful arms of sleep have become cruel, the warmth of my brazier cold. My heart is in ashes each time I dream of your death."

"His words were cut off by a choked sob as he bit his lips red. "All I see is the blood of my kin. Bodies mangled beyond recognition, their faces horror stricken and flesh drained of their blood. I see a cruel sea of blinding red and see myself kneeled amidst it all. All alone. My heart ached. I see my hands, my body, my face and even... Even my mouth stained in the blood. I do not know if it belongs to my friends or foes. I see myself, unable to grieve. I don’t understand what is happening in those dreams." He sobbed. "And it hurts the most. Not knowing if you are dead or alive."

Long ZhenHai’s heart turned cold, a biting chill spreading out in his chest as fresh tears welled in his eyes. His heart ached, the pain only intensifying as he felt Hu Lijing’s body shudder.

"I cannot imagine a life without you, ZhenHai." Hu Lijing spoke hoarsely. "I dare not dream of such a life, ZhenHai. Without you, this Jing’ge would be dead. If not physically than in every other way. I love you. I’ve never loved anyone so desperately as I love you. Forgive me, ZhenHai. Forgive me my sea—" his voice breaking as he kissed Long ZhenHai’s cold fingers "—forgive this Jing’ge of yours. I love you so much I could die. It tears me apart to even think of a life in your absence."

Long ZhenHai’s irises quivered, pupils dilating as he breathed shallowly, not daring to look away from his Jing’ge.

"... I love you too. My heart is yours. Whether you take it or not. It will always belong to you."

Hu Lijing giggled wetly, pressing his wet cheek against Long ZhenHai’s palm. "Thank you, my sea."

Unbeknownst to them, they had united as lovers at that very moment.

Setting the wheel of destruction in its cruel motion.