No One Will Ever Hurt You Again I Promise-Chapter 55: Where Is The Trap

His loose hair falling down his back in a silky, bouncy cascade, Howie heads down the hall with Ayke by his side silently, each absorbed in the roaring stream of their thoughts. Ayke wonders what he could be thinking at the moment, but he refuses to ask the question for fear that he will disturb him. He has been disturbed enough like this for a day that has only just begun. Plus, he doesn’t know what to say to him to apologize for his mother’s behavior.

So he only throws sideways glances at him from time to time with a bit of nervousness. Hands buried in the pockets of his uniform pants, eyes staring straight ahead, Howie is beginning to sense Ayke’s anxiety, and the glances he throws at him from time to time make him feel uneasy.

"Since when do you beat around the bush when you have something to ask?" Howie asks him, who couldn’t take any more of these little furtive glances, which prevent him from concentrating on his thoughts. "Come on, spit it out and get over with it," Howie told him, turning to face him.

"Uh, Ayke jumped. What... me?"

"Who else here keeps glancing at me other than you? Do you think I can do it myself?"

"What do I know about it? I’m not even looking at you. You’re making up your mind, buddy..." Ayke retorted, looking innocent.

.

"Ok, if you say so, but if I catch you glancing at me again, I’ll make you live your worst nightmare, honey," Howie answers him in a tone half-serious and half sensual, then he starts walking again without paying attention to Ayke or waiting for him to answer him.

At this moment, a particular smell and a heartbeat that he would recognize among a thousand caught his attention. He abruptly stopped walking and turned to where the heartbeat was coming from.

"What now?" Ayke asks, who stopped just in time not to collide with him, who suddenly stopped before him.

"Would you mind giving me a moment? I’m not ready yet. I have to do something before going to class. I’ll join you later. "

"Well, yeah, I understand, don’t worry. I’ll say you’re meeting with the principal; take your time." Ayke bled shuffles from one foot to another. "Thanks, bro, I’ll make it up to you," Howie replies, patting his back in a friendly way.

He watched Ayke walk away down the hall until he took the hallway that led to their classroom for the day. Then, Howie walks towards a door with a roof exit. It’s not often you find it in use, but today it’s open, and Aike is on the other side.

He opens the door and grips the few steps that lead up to the roof. The smell he kept breathing in becomes stronger and stronger, and Aike’s rhythmic heartbeat begins to act on him like a lullaby. His nerves relax as he approaches him, and his irregular breathing becomes light and stable. He had only one desire to take him in his arms and never let him go.

He opened the last door separating him from his well-being source; he took a deep breath before setting foot on the roof. The wind’s light breeze brought the sweet smell of camellias to his nose. It was fresh and sweet; he closed his eyes and greeted it with a full nose.

"Hmmm, it’s so good to feel you so close," he said to himself, then slowly he opened his eyes and closed the door behind him. he cast a circular glance at the roof in search of the object of his coming here.

Sitting on the floor, his arms around his bent knees, his head resting gently on his knees which are brought up against his stomach, his back barely leaning against the wall, Aike sent back a fragile and helpless image. An image that almost made Howie cry out in agony if only he didn’t have that control over himself.

He would have liked to find him in a less fragile position than this one, but unfortunately, this one welcomed him. He closed his eyes once more to calm the beating of his heart and significantly calm these howls in his head. It looks like they are being slaughtered like pigs mercilessly by a madman.

"Is he crying?" Howie wonders bitterly, approaching him quietly as usual. He went to stand next to him without saying a word, his elbows leaning against the wall where Aike leaned. They stayed like that for a while without saying a word. Aike didn’t even realize he had a visitor, and the others didn’t know how to talk to him.

He came on a whim, he hadn’t thought about how he would do it, and now that he found Aike in this state, he is no longer sure of himself.

He cleared his throat to indicate his presence to the other, who jumped up with a cry of surprise in a hoarse and high-pitched voice, distorted by the silent tears he had to shed alone, far from pry and curious eyes in his little corner. He got to his feet with a speed and flexibility that one recognizes in the feline, which surprised Howie, who raised an eyelash nonchalantly looking at him.

Aike rushed towards the door to escape from the roof, but he couldn’t get too far when Howie caught up with him. With two strides, he grabbed him by the arm and forced him to stay in place, unable to move or get out of his grip on his wrist. He sighed desperately. Howie was much faster than him on this one.

"Let go of me," Aike shouted at him in a hoarse and knotty voice, his eyes fixed on the ground, unable to look H in the eyes. He knows how close he is to Ayke, that he’ll never be so close to him that way, and even less share his feelings for him. He doesn’t want him to notice he’s been crying; he doesn’t want him to know that he’s partly to blame for those tears running down his rosy cheeks. He doesn’t want him to pity him.

"Stop struggling. Just tell me what’s wrong, Aike, or you’ll hurt yourself, and I’m not going to let you go until you tell me what’s bothering you. Why are you crying?" Howie asks him in a voice full of restrained emotion and very worried.

The interest and sincerity he perceived in his voice made him lower his guard. Without knowing how or why, he raised his head towards H, his cheeks bathed in tears, his eyes red, and his lips swollen from biting them to hide his despair. Aike reveals his fragility to Howie, who receives a violent blow to the stomach seeing him like this.

He raised his hand, which he brought to Aike’s right cheek, who didn’t move. He let him do it without saying a word; H caressed his cheek gently with a knot in his stomach, preventing him from saying anything.

Well, Howie felt his eyes dazzled by the tears he refused to let flow, and Aike’s beautiful face seemed blurred to him. He let go of him abruptly, turning away from him. He went to lean on the wall, giving free rein to his tears, which he wiped out as quickly as they came out with the back of his hand.

’That must be how El feels when he keeps talking about Theo, and maybe that’s why I don’t want to admit that I might feel the same way about Aike. Loving someone takes a lot of energy, time, and attention. Would I be up to it to deal with the emotions of someone I love with all that awaits me since it is much more complicated than managing a kingdom with hundreds of thousands of inhabitants?’

’Maybe that’s why my father and grandparents, ancestors always chose arranged marriages instead of choosing with their hearts. They didn’t have to worry about the emotions and feelings of someone precious to them. With them, everything is power and control, no feelings that make you dream, that makes you lose your head, no butterfly in your stomach.’

As Howie begins to reflect on his current state and why his predecessors chose to live in strategic unions instead of following their hearts, Aike realizes that he has revealed his weakness to someone other than his brother. Someone who sees him as a toy on top of that.

Someone who plays with his feelings and his brother’s feelings, although he puts them both in the same category, what he can’t figure out is why it hurts so much when he knows perfectly well how they are.

Aike thinks he is stupid to react like this when he knows very well what type of person he is dealing with, someone who doesn’t care how he feels when he sees him kissing someone else in front of his eyes, someone who flirts with others all the time without considering the consequences of his actions.

’Maybe that’s the sign I needed to make up my mind. At least he didn’t show any pity towards me, and he at least has respect for me,’ he told himself. ’What are you waiting for, Aike, to leave here? Otherwise, you will not reap any good from this expectation. He doesn’t see you as someone with whom he can share anything more substantial than a flirtation, H has no heart, and he will never see you as you are.’

With these words he just shared with himself, he wiped away his tears and turned on his heels to move away from Howie, who had turned away from him first, giving him his back.

He took a step towards the door, sniffling loudly like a kid.

"Don’t go... please!"

This is the only sentence that came to Howie’s mind when he realized he had left Aike without saying a word. Usually, the other constantly takes it as a refusal when he acts like this. In the panic of seeing him run away from him and scowl at him for days to come, Howie said the only words he thought fit to hold him back or buy him some time while searching for what he will tell him.

When he says it a second time, he realizes that’s exactly what he wanted to tell him. He doesn’t want to ask questions or think twice anymore. He wants to try and give himself and Aike a chance to understand what is happening to them and what attracts them to each other. Then in a light breath, he started again for a third time with more conviction, sincerity, and emotion.

"I don’t want you to leave; please stay!"

Frozen, Aike can’t understand what’s going on. His instinct tells him to run away from here, away from this boy who can drive him crazy with a light move. One minute he acts like he’s the most precious thing he’s ever had, and the next, like he’s nothing but shit under his designer shoes that he’s going to have to throw away.

Despite this ardent need to stay and listen to Howie, and his need to know what’s on his mind, he chooses to follow his instinct which tells him to run away.

So without overthinking or asking questions, he ran towards the door. ’That shot, he’s played it on me a hundred times already. He cares about me to get rid of me like garbage. I no longer want to be an easy person for him that he can play with when he pleases and reject me the second that follows. I refuse to be child’s play for him or anyone else who will have such an idea in mind. I am no one’s plaything, not even for myself.’

He had his hands on the door when Howie caught up with him, blocking his way. Seeing that he dominated him by a good few centimeters, he raised his head toward Howie’s face before throwing a glance to where he had leaned on the rampart. "Damn, the asshole is fast!" Aike thinks, looking H up and down.

"What?" Howie asks him who witnesses the hostility he shows towards him. Aike doesn’t answer; he just stares at himself with disdain and hatred.

He’s really decided not to let him play with his feelings anymore, so he has to use his best tools. After all, he’s Maryse’s son, hostility, he knows a lot about it, and he’s willing to use it to keep his heart in one piece away from Howie’s sharp claws.

He’s afraid that this boy who makes all Wood Hill’s heads spin may one day be the cause of his dementia or, even worse, his death. If a broken heart doesn’t kill, it will drive him mad, and he’s too young to go to such extremes. For great evils, great remedies. That’s what they say, after all, right?

Howie knows it’s his way of protecting himself against him; he knows that Aike takes him and sees him as a threat because sometimes he does everything he can to avoid him, even if he doesn’t manage to take his eyes off him.

Sometimes Howie takes the initiative to help him avoid him, push him out on dates, or keep him away from him for days because when he’s around or in the same room, Aike always has his eyes lingering on him, and it goes on for endless minutes. Sometimes he does it openly, and other times he does it discreetly. But Howie is Howie; when he looks at him, he knows how his heart beats faster every time he sees or hears him speak.

This does not prevent him from avoiding him because he refuses to make him suffer even more by his fault. He has no right to be reckless and to act carelessly. He knows he has responsibilities that require unthinkable sacrifices.

Love and fantasies of adolescent life are not things that are made for him. He must think above these things, show himself worthy and above the trivialities of everyday life. For that, he needed to avoid Aike and stay away from him for his sake because he couldn’t be responsible for his feelings. He doesn’t want to be the one who will be responsible for breaking his heart or worse.

And even if he is tempted to give free rein to his desires and needs, he must show himself worthy of his rank. He must follow the path laid out for him millennia before he was born.

If there’s one thing he regrets more than everything: it’s having responded to Aike’s request the first time he set foot in his room and the second thing when he had fun tormenting the poor lamb. Because Aike is easy to intimidate and has this innocent, sweet, and childlike side to him, that attracts him like a magnet.

This side of him makes him want to protect, cherish, and love him. He loves how he lets him see his strength, vulnerability, and weaknesses without being ashamed that he’s laughing at him. He’s straight with himself, though sometimes he can be very sassy. That side he’s spent the last few days trying to avoid seeing with all his being.

"I know I don’t have the right to ask you to stay; I know I can’t afford to keep you here or force you to listen to me, but I need to tell you something or rather ask you something. I don’t know if it’s the right time or decision, but I know one thing: if I don’t do it today, I’ll never do it, and I’m afraid of missing out on something wonderful and splendid. "

"So whatever you tell me, I just want you to listen to me for a few minutes, and then I’ll let you go, but if your answer is the opposite of what I want, I’ll leave you alone forever. And I will do everything to stay away from you so as not to disturb or distract you. So, will you give me a few minutes of your time, Aike? I need to talk to you. " Howie asks Aike in a courteous and respectful tone, taking on a deep and soft voice tone simultaneously, which gives him a dramatic expression like a playwright.

"What’s got into him?" Aike wonders, stepping back a bit to leave some space between them. Their bodies’ proximity starts to get on his nerves; he doesn’t want to give in to another one of his traps again when he just says all that. He’s decided he will no longer be his or anyone else’s laughingstock from today.

"Whatever you have to say to me is best kept to yourself because I’m not in the mood to listen to your bullshit and watch you mess with me." I don’t want anything to do with you anymore, H. This little child’s game is over for me. If you allow me, I would like to take my leave. "

"Is this what you want, Aike? Are you sure you don’t want to listen to me before you decide this? Do you at least know what I want to talk to you about? "

Whatever you want to talk to me about, Howie, I assure you, I don’t give a fuck. What you have to say, you can speak to my brother since you two get along very well. I don’t give a fuck about your unhealthy little game. I was hoping you could do what you want because I’m offside now, I understand, and I’ve made up my mind."

"I leave the field open to you. There will no longer be some big sting in your feet, and you will no longer have to hide from me or pretend it has nothing to do with feelings. It’s just innocent flirting that sometimes leads to intense, languorous kisses."

Aike shouted without taking a breath. He stopped for a moment, his cheeks red with anger and frustration. He wishes he could scream to get rid of the resentment he harbored inside him and pound Howie until he feels better, but he doesn’t dare carry out the part where he hammers him with his fists.

He should vent his anger by screaming with all his might instead of following his impulses. Howie has trouble managing his anger, and he sees what he’s capable of when he’s pissed off, so there’s no way he’s going to get knocked out by him in the blink of an eye.

He doesn’t know that Howie will never lay a hand on him, no matter his state, because Aike means much more to him than he thinks. It’s just that he’s unable to tell him how he feels about him because, first of all, he doesn’t know how he feels about him, and on the other hand, Howie is afraid he’ll be the person who will cause Aike insurmountable heartache. Not to mention the principles he should follow, he is lost in a vast ocean of emotions without knowing how to swim.

"Are you finished?" Howie asks him, taking advantage of his pause to add two words.

"Don’t ask me if I’m done. I have the right to say what’s bothering me, to express my hatred towards you, and to shout to the whole world how unfair it is to love someone who takes a sadistic pleasure in putting you down and playing with you, pushing you into the arms of others while he knows only too well how you feel. "

"I don’t want to talk to you or see you, I hate you, and I want everyone to know that my subconscious also knows about my hatred for you so that it doesn’t always bring me back to you. So fair winds, Howie, and fuck you. I don’t need to walk in your shadow anymore, so you can notice me. I don’t need to torture myself anymore watching you play the pretty hearts with my poor asshole brother. "

This time, Aike couldn’t keep all that itchy pain to himself for too long, and without shouting a warning, he threw it all in Howie’s head in a fit of anger.

"Hey, would you mind lowering your voice, calming down, and if someone hears you downstairs, reporting it to your mom? She’s going to come in here like crazy and smack me again. I don’t want someone with bad intentions to record you and send it to her on the pretext that I would have hurt her babies. "

"Let’s talk calmly. You’re not the only one with things to say. I do too. And we have class. You don’t want us to be punished for coming here to chat during class hours. I have an excuse, and you, what is yours? "

"Now you want to blackmail me. Is that it?" I don’t need an excuse to be here. You probably do, but I can be where and when I want, so keep your worries to yourself. I don’t need it. "

"If that’s so, you can keep screaming like a madman. I don’t give a fuck about any of that, either. Aike, what exactly frustrates you so much? Why were you crying like a baby when I came up here? " Howie asks him, who realizes that these questions might piss him off even more, but he needs to know to tell him what’s on his mind.

"I’m not frustrated, and I wasn’t crying either," Aike replies, staring at the ground. He steps away from Howie and goes to lean on the rampart. Howie followed him; he went to stand behind him, covering him with his body without touching him. He put his hands on either side of Aike’s hands on the rampart to prevent him from running away if he intended.

It doesn’t surprise Aike that he acts this way toward him; besides, it’s his ideology. As long as I’m around, you won’t be alone, and he will do everything possible to put them at ease, even if he is uncomfortable.

"What are you doing?" asks Aike in a weary voice. "Do you pity me now, Howie?"

"What are you talking about?" Pity has never crossed my mind when I look at you. I never had this feeling towards you or even your brother. You are two fascinating, surprising beings that I adore." Aike frowned at his word, and his body jerked a bit, making Howie repeat his words.

"Yes, I say I adore you, don’t ask me why because I don’t know. It’s just like that. Things indeed go much better with your brother, but it’s not because I appreciate him much more than you."

"With Ayke, it’s like I’m playing with myself; he’s a perfect replica of me when it comes to doing crazy things. But you represent everything I want, but I’m afraid to touch it, lest I do something stupid and put you in danger or great suffering."

"I’m not ignoring you or pushing you into someone else’s arms because I want to get rid of you. It’s just the opposite. You won’t be safe with me, and I’m afraid I can’t bring you the happiness and attention you deserve. I’m not the perfect person for this role, so I’m giving you time to test another possibility to ensure what you want. It would help if you didn’t have the wrong feelings about me."

"This is why I preferred turning you away instead of accepting what you are ready to offer me without knowing if I can give it to you. I don’t want to take your feelings for granted, I don’t want to use you and make you bitter later, I love the glint in your eyes when you look at me when you’re shy, and I don’t want that one day I’ll be the one taking that away from you."

Aike winced listening to Howie talk to him like that; not only what he said to him, but there was also the sound of his voice and the way he said every word that came out of his mouth that made Aike feel like he was taking a sound bath of honey and lukewarm milk in a tub filled with red rose petals.

The smell of his mouth and the sweet smell of his skin intoxicated him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to concentrate better on what he was saying to him.

"You don’t need to protect me so much; I don’t need your protection or anyone else’s. I can watch over myself without anyone’s help, so if you can’t act with me the same way you behave with my brother, I don’t need you to worry about me. I feel like you’re making excuses to push me away so you can have more freedom to kiss and do whatever you want with Ayke. Remember that I am the one you kissed first, so why is it with him that you feel much more comfortable?"

A nervous chuckle escaped Howie’s throat, and he straightened up a bit, putting some distance between their two bodies.

"What, you have nothing more to say?" Aike hastened to ask him, feeling the weight of emptiness weighing on his soul as his shadow moved away from him.

"So if you’re not scared as you say, Howie retorted gravely, will you grant me permission to..."

He paused, he was still unsure about making such a decision. We all carry around a piece of luggage full of nonsense that we often avoid exposing, sometimes, some people use them as a lesson to move forward, and others even use them to make jokes. His father indeed asked him to live his teenage and experiment with things and stuff... that he too has his share of nonsense to do because no one is perfect.

But with him, there is no joke. Dating someone he loves is a fight he has to fight, and even more so, if that someone in question is a boy, someone of the same sex than him, what to do? Should he take the risk or leave things as they are? Because the second possibility for him is the best decision to make.

"What?" Aike asks him, feeling his hesitation to finish his sentence. He turned around to face him without getting out of the arms he placed on each side of the rampart to keep him prisoner.

He plunged his eyes into Howie’s, who watched him turn to face him; he met his sparkling gaze, which seemed both sad and curious to know the rest of his sentence.

His eyes went from his rosy lips to his sparkling eyes that looked at him with curiosity, then he lingered a little more on his lips, even too much. Gasping, Aike watches every movement of his jaw relax, his eyes suddenly narrow, and the saliva he has swallowed with a slight sound.

He felt a slight cold sweat running down his spine, which made him shudder, so it was his turn to swallow a little saliva. The tension between their two bodies can supply all of New York with electricity.

"So...? "Aike told him, in a small, shaky voice, that he wanted to be firm and stable. Howie shifted his gaze from his lips to his eye filled with questions he couldn’t pronounce.

Howie plunged his seductive and flirtatious gaze into his seemingly innocent and childish. A small smile tugged at the corner of Howie’s lips; actually, he likes the kind of power he wields over Aike, he likes the way he shudders at the touch of his hand on his body, or when he puts his deep and devastating gaze on him, he has this impression that he can read him like an open book. Seeing him panting as if he had run hundreds of kilometers puts him in a daze. He wants to prolong this moment for an eternity.

So he says to himself, if he tells him what’s on his mind right now, he’ll have plenty of other opportunities like that to see him like this, and even more so because there will be days when he will make him cry with frustration as he will take malicious pleasure in torturing him.

"I wonder if..." Howie continues sensually.

Aike opened his mouth unconsciously, and a small sensual moan escaped. Howie smiled, showing his white teeth. Aike glares at him; he knows he’s deliberately provoking him by acting so casually that he pretends not to realize the state he’s in to savor better Aike’s futile efforts to control his body which refuses to obey him. His heart galloped in his ribcage like a mad horse, sweat running down his spine with little drops of sweat beading his forehead.

He eventually got angry and pushed Howie. "Enough," he cried, taking a deep breath, "but what the hell are you playing at?"

"I’m not playing anything at all," H replies sensually and innocently, who hasn’t budged from the jostling he has received. Aike glared at him, looking him up and down.

"Ok, I quit," Howie said, raising his hands in surrender. Aike walked past him, shuddering as he walked past him while grumbling between his teeth. "What a poor bastard!"

"Do you want to go out with me, I mean officially, as my boyfriend?"

Howie asks him as he heads for the door making bad blood. Aike stopped abruptly, frozen by what he had just heard. Howie went to meet him, but he said nothing. He walked past him and came face to face with him.

"So what is your answer? Do you want to date me?"

This time not being able to bear it anymore, Aike gets angry before he can utter the few smelly words he is about to throw at H’s head. He landed a few punches on the firm chest of H, who let him do it before grabbing his hands. His two hands were much faster than his tongue. H pulled him against him and imprisoned his pouting sore lips in a passionate, dazzling, sweet kiss.

The tension held in Aike’s muscles dissipates as he prepares to enjoy and return the kiss to Howie when the latter gently nudges him to end the kiss with a mischievous smile on his lips.

"So, what’s your answer?" Aike still can’t believe he ended the kiss so abruptly as he was about to enjoy it. When he was starting to adjust to savor it better, he blinked like a flight angel before opening his eyes wide in amazement.

"What?" He shouted... without understanding the meaning of the question.