Lewd King's Bucket List-Chapter 57: Joe

As they stood before the entrance to Joe’s Tavern, Dia gave Ixion a curious look.

"A tavern? That’s where you were headed?"

Ixion laughed.

"What’s wrong with taverns?"

Dia’s head slightly recoiled.

"What’s not wrong with them? From what I’ve heard, only brutes and thugs go there."

Ixion shrugged.

"I guess I’m a brute and thug."

"Oh, Priri! You’re much too beautiful to be a brute or a thug!"

Ixion brought his gaze down and met Dia’s, a tight smile on his face.

"So, because you think I’m beautiful, I can’t be a bastard?"

Dia waved her hand.

"No, no! From the few I’ve dealt with, most beautiful people are, in fact, bastards! But at most you’re a thief."

"A thief?! I’ve never stolen anything in my life!"

’Technically, all within Catatran is mine! Such is written in law... What tyrant wrote that one?! Who allowed it to pass?!’

Dia smiled then, drawing the eyes of onlookers, shouted:

"Of course! Stealing young maidens’ hearts after young maidens’ hearts!"

Ixion scratched his chin.

"Well, perhaps I’ve stolen a heart or two..."

’I don’t think any of them were young maidens, though. And it was because they deserved it!’

Not that Ixion didn’t know what she meant, but the prior statement was true nonetheless!

Ixion added:

"But I’m not some lecherous man who goes after every woman he sees."

Dia’s gaze narrowed.

"You walked arm in arm with a woman you just met. That betrays that sentiment, no?"

Ixion chuckled.

"Don’t conflate yourself with normal women, Dia, you’re much too beautiful to turn down. Besides, couldn’t let a lone lady ignorant of the streets fall victim to them."

Dia wagged her finger in Ixion’s face, poking his cheek.

"See! I knew you were a thief! Don’t lie! You keep going for my heart!"

"Your heart wouldn’t be one I’d regret to steal. Well, unless your father decided to, uh..."

Dia laughed.

"You believed me?! My father wouldn’t hurt a fly!"

’From what you said, yeah, he wouldn’t hurt it. He’d mentally scar it!’

Ixion smiled as he led Dia by hand in through the tavern door.

The first thing the pair was greeted with was the nasty stare of an old bald man with a thick handlebar mustache. He was cleaning a tall glass with a half-stained rag.

Ixion slowed his pace as he scoured the place.

’I thought this place would look like a shithole.’

The outside was a little rundown, and the sign was simply a hanging wooden board with the name painted in black.

’Perhaps it was part of the aesthetic.’

Inside the tavern, it was quite cozy. Not too large. A few tables off to the right. The bar to the left. At its end was a door to the kitchen.

Aligned in front of the bar were high stools made of lacquered ash wood. The floor was also lacquered wood, but it was torrified ash.

Ixion led Dia to the furthest table, the one closest to the kitchen, and sat down.

The main color scheme was dark brown and maroon, which absorbed the candlelight, creating an ominous underglow.

During their entire walk to the table, the tavern keeper hadn’t taken his eyes off them for a single second.

In fact, the six others in there had also begun staring at one point.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation in this body, Ixion drew upon the meager bit of sanity he retained to ask calmly:

"Hello? Can I help you?"

Yet, all seven simply stared at the two.

Ixion sighed...

’If you’re going to attack us, just do it.’

The first one to break the silence was a buff man with a scar over his left eye and another on his lip.

His stare was lethal.

"Joe."

The man grumbled as he looked over at the keeper. Then, a single tear trailed down his face. The burly man shot to his feet and screamed:

"You’ve finally done it! A new customer!"

Soon, the rest of the crew began crying. Even Joe, who was the buff old man with a handlebar mustache.

Joe screamed:

"You’re damn right! I was so close to givin’ up! With the atrocious value of coin and all!"

Then Joe looked toward the kitchen and called:

"Jojo! Customers!"

The burly men returned to crying and began thanking Ixion and Dia for coming, who shared awkward looks and eventually managed to squawk out, "You’re welcome?"

A minute later, a tall, brown-haired girl with tired eyes came out.

When she saw the pair, she muttered:

"Well I’ll be damned." Then she turned and screamed, "Josephine! Joleen! Y’all come see this!"

Dia gave the woman an awkward wave as she approached and handed over a menu.

The woman asked:

"Can you read?"

Ixion and Dia nodded and took the menus.

Two more girls appeared, all tall. Each exclaimed their surprise. The group of seven watchers had ballooned to ten. All excitedly stared as Ixion and Dia looked down at the menu.

Drinks

Joe’s Ale

Joe’s Super Ale

Joe’s Tea

Joe’s Water

Food

Joe’s Pottage

Joe’s Porridge

Joe’s Honey Glazed Chicken

Joe’s Muttonchops

Joe’s Dried Cod

Joe’s Jerky

’...’

’Why is everything here "Joe" related?’

Furthermore...

’Why in the world did future me want to kill this guy?!’

In the visions he’d seen, killing Joe seemed like a necessary task. Yet, he didn’t know the reason.

He only knew it must be done.

’But why?’

The guy seemed genuine.

Weird.

But genuine.

Ixion slowly opened his mouth, and as he did, all the onlookers watched with bated breath.

"I’ll have Joe’s Water and Joe’s Pottage."

A man screamed:

"Excellent choice! Excellent choice!"

Joe hissed:

"Quiet, Dave!"

Dia was next. She looked over the menu for a few more moments, then said:

"I’ll have Joe’s Tea and Joe’s Muttonchops, please."

Jojo had a twinkle in her eye as she took the menus, then jumped up and down.

"Yes, yes! Joe’s Water, Joe’s Tea, Joe’s Pottage, and Joe’s Muttonchops coming right up!"

’Did she have to say everything?’

Jojo ran off as the other girls ran up to the table.

They started chatting their heads off, bouncing off each other’s sentences.

All while Dia and Ixion grew more and more confused, but played along.

A couple of minutes later, the food was served. The two girls finally left them alone.

Well, they stopped talking to them.

They’d gone and sat with the other customers and continued openly staring.

Even Ixion, who’d been on the most gruesome of battlefields, was starting to be weirded out.

’Is this why I will kill Joe?’

’He’s weird and a little creepy?’

His soul was mostly pure...

’So, why? I thought he was going to be an asshole?!’

"Let’s... dig in?"