ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 203: A Trap of Words ( )

Gikan took a slow breath and straightened his coat.

"How about the rank-up test?" he asked smoothly.

"You’re already at Level 56. It’s the right time."

Hazuki looked at him lazily.

"Huh? For what?"

Gikan cleared his throat, keeping his tone professional.

"Every adventurer who reaches this level takes the rank-up test. There are benefits."

Hazuki raised an eyebrow.

"Such as?"

Gikan held up a hand, counting with his fingers.

"When you rank up, you gain access to higher-ranked quests. That means more rewards, more pay, better missions."

"Uh-huh." Hazuki scratched his head.

Gikan continued.

"As you know, ’Newbie’ is the bottom. Above it are:

Rank F

Rank E

Rank D

Rank C

Rank B

Rank A

And beyond."

Hazuki sighed, unimpressed.

"Only that?"

Gikan held back a twitch.

"Not only that." He leaned forward slightly.

"Once you rank up, you gain recognition across the nation. Maybe even the entire kingdom. You can meet nobles without waiting weeks. You’re treated with respect in every town. Easier access. Better lodgings. Discounts."

Hazuki stared.

Then frowned.

"...That just sounds like a pain in the ass."

"Eh!?"

"No way." Hazuki crossed his arms. "Too much attention. Too many rules."

Gikan was about to try again when he added, casually—

"Also... you’ll be more popular with the ladies."

Hazuki froze.

Inside Hazuki’s mind:

Girls!?

Hell no!! I’m bound by the pinky promise! I can’t even look at cleavage without lightning punishment!

Forget touching—I can’t even glance! I almost got zapped just for peeking at thighs once!

He turned back to Gikan.

"Ah... sorry. Not interested."

Inside Gikan’s mind.

I... I can’t believe this.

This is my first time... seeing someone reject a rank-up.

Every other adventurer would be screaming, begging, even bribing the guild staff for a chance to increase their rank.

But this guy...

He glanced again at Hazuki, who was now lazily poking a stick into the dirt.

He doesn’t care about fame...?

Not even about easier town access, noble privileges, or better quests...?

And when I mentioned women—he didn’t just ignore it... he looked traumatized.

Gikan’s eye twitched.

...Wait.

Could it be...?

Does he... prefer men!?

He blinked rapidly.

I mean—it’s not unheard of. There are nobles who have male partners. It’s not exactly "normal" here, but...

Then his brain clicked.

Wait.

Princess Ellyna...

The royal pinky promise partner...

The one with divine protection...

Him.

Gikan slowly turned his head toward Hazuki again.

"...Ah..."

That explains everything.

So that’s it...

He’s bound by the sacred pinky promise oath to Princess Ellyna...

Which means he can’t touch other women.

But—if he’s not interested in women...

He could still... touch a man.

Beautiful, delicate ones... like a young elf male... or a gentle-featured human...?

He swallowed.

Then turned toward Hazuki.

Trying to sound casual.

But failing horribly.

"Umm... Mister Hazuki...?"

"Yeah?" Hazuki said, chewing on a twig like it was a snack.

"You know..." Gikan coughed into his fist, avoiding eye contact.

"There are cute men out there. Cute elf boys... even some human males... if you don’t... prefer girls."

Silence.

Hazuki slowly turned his head.

"HAAAAHHH!?!?"

"NO!! I’m NOT into that world!! Sorry—EWWW!!"

He leapt off the log like it was on fire.

"That’s a HARD PASS! I don’t care if they sparkle like pretty boy anime idols—I’m not into that! I like girls! Catgirl princess type!"

Gikan flinched.

A guild staff member nearly dropped a scroll.

One of the adventurers whispered, "What the hell just happened..."

Hazuki stomped away dramatically, arms crossed.

"Damn furry beard trying to bait me into a trap! I’ll report this! I’m a victim here!"

Ridan was now floating mid-air, spinning in lazy circles, his misty form literally shaking with laughter.

"BWAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!"

His cloudy body trembled, little drops of mist flinging off like tears of joy.

Hazuki clenched his fists.

"Shut up, Ridan!!"

But Ridan wasn’t done.

"Ahn~ Beautiful elf male, right?"

He put on a fake soft voice, swooning dramatically mid-spin.

"You know they look just like girls. So soft. So elegant. Just like little Elvia—so cute. But..."

He paused, smirking wide.

"There’s a trap down there~"

Hazuki’s face turned red.

"SHUT UP! SHIT!"

He covered his ears and turned away, pacing in circles.

Ridan floated closer, whispering like a devil on his shoulder.

"But I bet they taste the same~"

Hazuki screamed internally.

"GO BACK INTO THE SWORD!!"

Guild staff stared. No one dared ask.

Gikan just... gave up.

"Heeey~ Onii-chan~"

Ridan’s voice dripped with teasing glee as he wiggled his misty, formless lower half—shaping it just enough to look like he had a cartoonishly round butt.

"I’m a beautiful elf~ I have smooth skin~ the same soft, round butt like a girl~ ahn~"

He struck a dramatic floating pose in front of Hazuki, sparkles somehow forming around him like a terrible hallucination.

Hazuki’s fists clenched.

His eye twitched.

"Grrrr... Ridan...!"

"Bwahahahahahaha!!" Ridan burst out again, tumbling mid-air in sheer delight.

Hazuki pointed furiously at the air.

"SHUT UP! GET OUT OF MY FACE!! YOU DAMN FLOATING TRAP!!"

Everyone froze.

Again.

The guild staff looked at one another, unsure what they were witnessing.

One whispered to another—

"Is he fighting with... air again?"

"I think he just called it a... floating trap?"

Ridan, still floating in a spiral of smug satisfaction, leaned in close to Hazuki’s ear—grinning from cloudy cheek to cheek.

"I know you want to taste it~"

Hazuki tensed.

Ridan continued, painting the picture in his most seductive whisper:

"Imagine... a beautiful elf boy. Delicate frame. They turn around... show their smooth back... and that perfectly round butt~"

He wiggled his own misty backside dramatically for emphasis.

"Then they look over their shoulder... cheeks slightly red, eyes glistening..."

Ridan deepened his voice in mock-innocence.

"’It’s my first time... be gentle with me... "

Hazuki jolted like he was struck by divine lightning.

"UGH!! NO WAY!!"

He jumped to his feet, eyes wide in panic.

"I don’t care if they look 100% like a girl! I don’t care if they smell like roses and have soft thighs! I HAVE ELLYN! I’M A ONE-GIRL GUY!!"

He pointed at the sky like he was declaring war.

"NO TRAPS!! NO CUTE BOYS!! NO ELVEN BUTTS!!"

( End of Chapter )

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