Infinite Farmer-Chapter 160: Aghli’s System

Tulland, I am not a good storyteller. I’m doing my best.

I never would have guessed. About either. The first one I wouldn’t have guessed is a sarcastic one, if you missed that.

I did not. Now listen, please. You’ve lit the candle, and he’s coming out the door. What do you do if you want to force him to really focus his attention on you?

I let him stand the entire time the candle will burn, besides the last few seconds.

Wrong. You put out the candle while he’s crossing through the door, and hide in the bushes. Then, once he’s inside, you light it again.

I don’t understand.

I’ve been filing the same complaint about the size of a random beast from this world’s assortment of dungeon threats for the past ten hours, then cancelling it before he can address the issue and keep me from making more complaints. I have done this many times.

How many?

How many grains of sand are there in a desert? How many times have you sighed thinking of Necia?

Oof.

Oof indeed. When he comes, I guarantee you he will be motivated to speak to us.

And angry?

Angry beyond adjectives, Tulland.

“The System says it almost has it.”

“Oh, good.” Necia was adding far too much fish to a grain porridge, making the best use she could of the villager’s gifts of appreciation after she found she couldn’t figure out a way to gracefully turn down the heartfelt thanks of an entire town of suddenly fed folks. They hadn’t had much meat or fish, but were so thoroughly sick of both that they looked at Tulland’s root vegetables and fruit as priceless. “We can finally have a polite conversation about all this.”

“Well, maybe. Maybe not. I get the distinct impression the System has been poking the bear a little, here.”

INFORMAL INFORMATION BROADCAST (Recipients: Tulland Lowstreet, Necia LASTNAME, and an Unidentified Failed System from a mismanaged world)

Ouch. That hurts.

The worst part is it couldn’t say it if it wasn’t technically true. It likely took it an hour of trial and error to come up with that.

Will everyone please shut up. I am very busy indeed, as I see you have finally learned the reasons for, and your useless distractions have set me back weeks of resistance against that thing in the capital.

Tulland’s long experience with Systems let him read the implied disdain towards the thing in the capital as the bullhorn-loud cry of disdain it was. However much this world’s System hated him and the System right now, it hated that thing more.

That’s why I’m in touch. You withheld information about the threat to this planet and now we are several steps behind.

You are several steps behind? You?

“Hey now.” Tulland felt it was time to step in. The System was a lot of things, but one of the things it wasn’t was a guy who had more than three friends in his entire centuries-long lifespan. It was not what Tulland thought of as the most socially skilled person he had ever met. Not by a long shot. “I just thought we could…”

Thought you could what? Come in here with your swords flashing and your weird armor I can’t see blazing and fix everything in one fell swoop?

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

The system window was populating with words in a jerky, rapid-fire stop and start kind of pace, now.

You don’t think I”ve been trying that? You dont think I have a list of things I’ve tried? You know what? I’ll just show you the list.

It proceeded to do so, in alphabetical order, in an alphabet Tulland didn’t actually know and Aghli’s System seemed to be going to pains to leave untranslated. He knew a rant he wouldn’t be able to stop when he saw one. Necia caught his eye as he gave up, smiled, and pointed at his seed bag. He pulled an original-issue Hades Briar fruit from it, dropped it on the ground, and started pumping power into it.

It’s an impressive list, we just thought…

QUIET.

Tulland was impressed with this System’s use of text. He was glad his System was a calmer, slower-talking sort, but it was nice to see some variety existed between them. He shuddered at the thought of two of them working arm in arm, secretly happy that they probably wouldn’t ever be the very closest of friends.

It didn’t take him long to grow a low-level dungeon plant these days, and they seemed to tolerate the blight-ridden soil a lot better than conventional food plants did. In another two or three minutes, he had a full-sized briar complete with fruits, ready to go.

That’s just the Aspa entries, you know. I’m going to start on the Bheits now.

“Before you do,” Tulland coolly pulled the vine up for inspection. “You might want to look at this first.”

I will not waste any time on your stupid, inane, dumb plant, you absolute incompetent…

There was a short pause.

Wait. What is that?

After that, the conversation went a bit better. It could have gone much, much better, leaving Tulland and the team full of every piece of information they could possibly use. Unfortunately, the Aghli’s System didn’t seem to know much about the true nature of the problem. It still did its best.

The inventor’s name was Jolp. Thoma Jolp.

“Sounds unpopular.” Necia kicked at the dirt. “Like a guy who tries to get people to quiet down at a party.”

A name cannot sound unpopular. But, yes, he was often referred to as a bit of an anchor on the sailing ship of fun. I was paying enough attention to him. The minimum.

“Is that ‘enough’ of a special use I don’t know?”

A special use. It was fulfilling its role satisfactorily. Not lazy, not a special amount of attention. Whether or not that was wise, it was not committing malpractice.

The inventor in question had never actually invented anything successfully. The invention he created did not trigger an achievement in his field. The beast he augmented with it killed him before the augmentation really kicked in.

“He got killed by a normal thing? Not even the blighted one?”

He was not… the best. He wasn’t entirely present at all times. I’m surprised he was able to make anything that did anything at all, let alone this. I would have had to watch a basement room in a government building adjacent to a castle to catch this. By the time someone else died to it, it would have taken a team of the best warriors in the world fighting it at once to outpace its shield’s energy draw and get to the beast within.

“I’m assuming that wasn’t available.”

No. And by the time anything near it was, it would have taken more force than this world has. So unless you are some sort of absurd, impossible level.

“Comfortably in the eighties isn’t enough?”

I mean really.

“So do I. You can’t see that?”

I… I actually can’t. You are mostly outside of my direct observational control.

“And you didn’t think to ask?”

It’s likely not allowed. The same way I wouldn’t know what it was up to in its domain, from your old world.

That’s basically accurate. Even if you aren’t lying, however, level eighty wouldn’t be enough at this point. It’s sapped the greater part of the energy from the entire world. Plants are the beginning of a healthy energy cycle, and nothing can grow well enough to affix energy. The blight beats them all. It brings the strength of dungeon monstrosity to a fight against conventional plants, and they just can’t…

Tulland was still holding up his briar. A quick pause indicated the other System had just remembered it.

And you say you can make more like it?

“Maybe. These would be pretty limited. I have to pump a lot of energy into them. But with enough time and experimentation… I don’t know. Maybe more.”

Then do it. You have my full support. System who is bad at his job, you have my full support as well.

You don’t have to call me that.

I’m still annoyed. Deal with it.