I Am Tired Of Being A Hero-Chapter 288: Hope

There was a deep yearning in his heart and it grew even more desperate as if salvation was within this person.

This Malik Patel.

Anouk could not restrain himself. That was their relationship. He knew it too well.

They had met 10 years ago and for 10 years, he had shamelessly been the one clinging on to him, desperately holding on to that hand and begging.

"Mal..." He started and swallowed, "Malik, do you know how long I have been looking for you?" Like a crazy person, he had not been able to go home, just roaming around looking for him. No phone call, nothing.

"Six months and four days," Malik said calmly. His voice carried its usual gentle tilt.

Did you even miss me? Anouk wanted to ask but he held his tongue. He was afraid of the answer, afraid of the truth.

Malik cocked his head, the way he did whenever he was confused, "You destroyed Axum so I punished you." Malik had been building Axum since he was 14 years old, he knew that Anouk had been building a case against his organization for three years and even though he knew that it belonged to him, he had still ruthlessly destroyed it.

It was enchanting no doubt. Anouk was amazing when he was chasing down prey. But it was still annoying.

He was too rigid and could never truly accept the darker side of Malik. If all had gone according to his plan, then a year of absence should have...

Ah! That was what it was. A punishment. Because he had destroyed Axum. That was what it was.

His loneliness, his pain, his desperation. A punishment from his lover.

Anouk looked at Malik. The maelstrom of barely leashed emotions in his eyes gradually settled into a gentle calm.

"Goodbye, Malik."

As he said those two words, he felt like a knife was slipping cleanly through his heart, turning the softest part to a bloody pulp.

The pain was much and he tried to focus on the emotion that he had felt earlier, that deep set yearning for that object that the foreign man was hiding from him and the heavy scent of nostalgia and joy that filled him when he first felt it.

That object had felt like home.

"What do you mean goodbye?" Malik whispered and then Anouk saw a rare anger lace those beautiful features, "What are you thinking about? I am standing in front of you right now, Anouk."

"And so?" What does it matter, he could stand in front of him as much as he wanted in front of him, he could lie on him and do all sorts of things to him and yet he was not his. It has been 10 years and Malik was not his.

What kind of relationship was this? Love was not supposed to hurt this much.

A sudden burst of exhaustion rushed forth in his mind and Anouk wearily closed his eyes, he just wanted to sleep for a while. He turned and walked away.

"Anouk!"

"Anouk!"

"Anouk!"

Has Malik ever sounded like that? That desperation made hope fill his heart and he wanted to turn, and take a look, hope.

Anouk held himself with all the strength he could muster. If he turned, it would be another 10 years of this pain and pleasure again. Malik would still not be his, and he would be holding on.

And yet his feet felt very heavy and it was so hard to move. He groaned. No matter how much he tried to focus on something else, his heart was filled to the brim with unspeakable pain and anguish.

He suddenly could not move. Something dripped onto the ground. One drop. Two drops. They gradually rolled down his cheeks, quietly seeping into the ground.

Malik, can you lie to me? He wanted to ask. Lie to me. Tell me to stay, tell me you...like me and I will play the fool. That was how much he loved Malik.

You can read emotions and yet you have never bothered to look into his mind. Never wanted to enter his heart and see just how much he wanted to be his.

Malik grabbed him, his hand around his arm hot. Those green eyes should be empty but now, they had a tint of red in them.

"Anouk!" Malik screamed with anger.

Anouk was shocked. Malik’s voice was too fanatical, the emotions suppressed in them too obsessive making Anouk dazed.

In all the years he knew him, he had never seen Malik lose his temper. The only time his controlled expression of faux gentleness relapsed was when they were in bed.

"Don’t you walk away from me again.? He dipped his head, his breathing low and deep. "If you do that, I would take away your legs."

That sentence should have made him angry enough to fling away his hand and yet all Anouk felt was a little hope.

The last time Malik had threatened him was when he said that he would destroy Axum. Anouk lowered his head, everyone had praised him for doing such a selfless thing but Anouk knew he was not some saint.

It had just also been jealousy. Jealousy against an organization that consumed the little that he had of Malik.

Was this why? Was this is Karma?

"Do you hate me?"

"No. I cannot hate you. There is nothing you can do Anouk that would make me hate you. You can destroy a hundred Axum.." He leaned forward to lick away the tears on Anouk’s face, "You can kill me and even in death, I would not hate you, dove."

Like always, the nickname made Anouk’s heart melt into a jar of honey.

"Then, can you...do you think...Forget it." Anouk looked up to the sky, "Let’s go home."

He chickened out again. Malik sighed. His lover was brave, a perfect solider and yet every time his courage would fail at this juncture.

Malik had allowed it because he too was unsure. He had grown up in a place where his very existence was cursed. He could feel emotions, he could feel Anouk’s love.

It was ever so warm, so bright, so pure.

In contrast, his love seemed so dark, so twisted. It was different from other people’s love. He just wanted to hold Anouk in the palm of his hand and look at him forever. He was his, everything about him belonged to him.

"Anouk. The first time I saw you, I felt the urge to kill you."