How to Survive in the Roanoke Colony-Chapter 225: Essence (2)

When he opened his eyes again, silence filled the surroundings.

He, who had been following a few steps behind him until just now, was right beside him.

Covered in filthy mud, bleeding from His head.

"...Are you alright?"

That’s what I should be asking you.

As he stood dazed, someone who had just thrown the stone and mud rushed forward and prostrated before Him. No, it was closer to being pushed out by his tribesmen.

"S-s-sorry... Great Chief, I didn’t know..."

He said, trembling with fear.

"Are you okay, Richard?"

"...Pardon?"

"Let’s go."

He answered calmly.

They walked.

This time, no one said anything.

The Mohawk kept the path open, and ridiculously, they only looked at Him, who was covered in mud, with eyes full of reverence.

Someone among them asked:

"...Why does such a noble one do that for a sinner?"

Then He slowly turned His head to look at him.

"Because he will repent."

"...Pardon?"

"Shouldn’t everyone have an opportunity to repent and learn?"

"..."

This time, true silence returned.

"That is the teaching we believe in and follow. If you’re curious, please come visit. We will always welcome you as guests."

So He spoke with a smile.

And thus,

They returned.

==

Richard gazed blankly at the St. Lawrence River, where the ice had completely melted, trying to soothe his sore heart.

Of course... it didn’t work well.

Every scene viewed from the deck of the ship was terribly painful.

When that river was covered in ice, Richard was full of enthusiasm. He felt like he could do anything. Under the support of the community, it seemed he could reveal the glory of the Lord and enlighten those ’barbarians.’

But what was the result?

The believers he had gathered through intimidation soon all abandoned their faith and returned to their original way of life.

The sanctuaries and idols he had destroyed and damaged with self-righteousness were restored.

Far from building a new church, he was being led back by His hand like a child who had caused an accident.

He had accomplished nothing.

Perhaps he would never return here again.

"..."

With a gloomy heart, as he watched the sun setting over the river, he heard someone approaching from the distance. He trembled and turned around.

And there He stood, the one he had been thinking of.

"Is it difficult?"

"...No."

"You don’t need to strain yourself with lies."

"..."

"Why are you wasting time here alone, not even coming at mealtime?"

"..."

Richard spoke with his head bowed deeply.

"...I was ashamed."

"Of what?"

"Naturally, of what I’ve done."

His eyes reddened as he reflected on the years he had spent in the Mohawk lands.

"I, I... didn’t do anything."

"..."

"I achieved nothing properly. How is it not terrible that I, this person, have only brought harm to the community?"

"..."

"I just want to die. If I had just a little less faith, I might have just drowned in that sea..."

"Don’t think like that."

"..."

Despite His words, Richard quietly kept his head bowed and looked down at the quietly flowing river.

There had never been a time when he felt such helplessness. It was as if he had fallen into a tank filled with liquids of helplessness and depression. It felt like helplessness and depression were rising to the tip of his uvula, about to suffocate him.

"I... will now lay down my office."

"..."

"It’s not because I didn’t achieve anything. That alone wouldn’t have made me this ashamed."

Richard’s hands trembled. With trembling hands, he wiped his face.

"I... still don’t understand what I did wrong."

Ah, the river breeze feels cold even though it’s early summer. Is it because the weather is cold? Or...

"I acted exactly as the Bible states. I taught people to live according to the Lord’s will, and I told people exactly what was written in the scriptures. Of course, I was arrogant. I thought of them as barbarians and saw them as people below me. That is one of my great mistakes. But... I felt that clearly wasn’t all of it. Yet, I still don’t know what my other mistakes were. I still don’t know what made me fail, nor what my sins were."

"..."

"Th-that is my greatest mistake. Therefore, I will now lay down this office, whether called a priest or a pastor..."

"There’s no need to go that far."

At those words, Richard unconsciously lifted his head to look up at Him again.

The Nameless One.

Shepherd of the holy church.

"...If there’s something you don’t know, learn. If there’s something you’ve done wrong, repent."

He was looking at him with the warmest gaze possible.

"None of the mistakes you committed were irreversibly fatal. Fortunately, that was the case. So you should be grateful for your luck."

At His words, Richard unknowingly melted and slid down onto the railing.

He barely regained his balance and grabbed a nearby oak barrel, sitting on it with difficulty.

Then He bent down to match his eye level and said:

"Let me ask you. Whom do you serve?"

"...Pardon?"

"For whom are you risking your life on this voyage, coming all the way to this distant north, and talking about spreading the gospel to complete strangers?"

Isn’t this an obvious question? Even a 5-year-old child could answer such an easy question.

"O-of course, it’s the Lord. The Lord who is the way, the truth, and the life..."

"That’s right. Then He is your way."

"..."

"And a way is something to be followed."

One obvious statement follows another in a chain. It feels like listening to content saying 1 plus 1 equals 2, and adding 1 more equals 3.

Lost in such thoughts, Richard absentmindedly stared at His face and...

"Then did you follow that way?"

"...Pardon?"

He was left speechless at His words.

For a moment, even the sound of waves seemed to quiet down. Richard saw His face in that stillness.

That calm, composed face gave him an inexplicable sense of relief.

"...It seems I didn’t."

In that relief, he could speak honestly.

For him, eternal life was a carrot for believers, and eternal punishment was a whip for believers.

And like a madman, he wielded that whip and threw that carrot at believers. In the end, he was a horse trainer, not a pastor leading believers.

"I... it seems I didn’t."

His eyes redden. Then He pats Richard’s shoulder and speaks again:

"You said you serve love itself, but you didn’t act that way. Then how could people believe in you and your God?"

"..."

"Perhaps that’s why people hated you so much.

Because you hated them first, because you tried to teach them hatred, fear, and greed instead of sharing love together."

"..."

As Richard shook his head, the sound of waves gently tapped the side of the ship. Richard spoke with a sense of shame:

"I, I still don’t quite understand... It’s somewhat clear but also unclear. Can someone like me... still hold a clerical position..."

"It’s okay."

He smiles. And Richard felt comfort in that.

"Next time, you can do better. Go back and pay for your sins."

’Next time.’

At those words, Richard felt his hands, no, his whole body trembling again, and he slid off the oak barrel to sink to the floor.

It felt as if the ship’s floor, no, the entire river was vibrating. It felt as if some great tremor was shaking the whole world and his body, not just his body trembling.

"Then did you follow that way?"

The followers driven by one who whips them to believe in God eventually scattered, but people might follow one who walks the same path as God.

Like someone who takes stones and mud for a sinner, forgives them, and makes them repent.

Unable to hold back anymore, he cried. He cried and clung to His feet.

He remained still even as His pants became soaked with tears.

Just.

Remained still.

A seabird cried from afar.