Former Ranker's Newbie Life-Chapter 36

The boss spawn message flashed across the screens of everyone inside Closed Iron Mine.

For gamers and MMORPG junkies especially, the word “boss” was like a goddamn drug. It brought the thrill of battle, the high of taking down a powerful enemy, and the promise of fat stacks of loot waiting at the end.

A boss was the ultimate prey, one that gave players every damn thing they craved. Therefore, the second that message popped up, it was no surprise that everyone in the dungeon started tearing the place apart to find it.

***

The first person to stumble upon the passage Do-Jin had blasted open was Gato, a member of Rōnin Guild. His eyes narrowed as he took in the sight.

“I’ve never heard of a hole like this existing here...” As he muttered to himself, his guildmates arrived, responding to his message one after another.

They had come out as a full hunting squad, all of similar level, making their group ten strong. Gato turned to his guildmates and asked if any of them had ever heard of a passage like this before.

The first to answer was the only woman in the group, Hiromi. “I’ve never heard of a shortcut here either.”

“She’s right. I memorized the entire dungeon layout beforehand, so I can say with absolute certainty that this passage shouldn’t exist,” Kaminari said.

The one adding to the conversation was a fat bastard who kept sneaking glances at Hiromi creepily. Within Rōnin Guild, he was infamous for his paranoid obsession with gathering intel.

Gato nodded at his words. “If our guild’s ‘brain’ Kaminari says so, then it must be true. That means there’s a high chance that an unknown boss spawned inside.”

Gato didn’t hesitate for even a second before deciding to move in, treating Kaminari’s words as absolute confirmation. It was a quick decision backed by swift action. However, the death of that boss came even faster. Before they could even take a step forward, a system-wide message announced that it had already been wiped out.

The entire guild stood there, stunned.

What the actual fuck?

Wait... so the boss didn’t appear because of this passage? Someone actually blasted this thing open and fought it first?!

There was a decent chance that someone had triggered a special quest, unlocked a hidden passage, and taken down the boss from inside. After racking his brain, Gato arrived at a conclusion that wasn’t entirely off the mark. Now came the question of what to do next.

A normal player would have seen the boss already dead and decided it wasn’t worth the risk. They would have just moved on, returning to their usual hunting grounds, but Rōnin Guild wasn’t normal.

Kaminari, the fat bastard, smugly pushed up his glasses, his piggy little eyes glinting with amusement. “Hehe. Looks like we won’t be hunting the boss anymore... We’ll be hunting something else.”

Rōnin Guild had its roots in a first-generation VR game set during Japan’s Sengoku era. That game was built entirely around war and murder, making it the perfect breeding ground for a guild like theirs.

Naturally, they made a name for themselves in that blood-soaked battlefield, and ever since, they had never once hesitated when it came to indiscriminate PKing. They had built their reputation through three generations of VR games, spreading their infamy across countless worlds.

Killing the boss-slaying party didn’t guarantee they’d get any loot, but if there was even the slightest chance? They’d go hunting. Any grudges, chaos penalties, or system-imposed punishments that came with it were never a consideration.

“They probably got banged up fighting the boss. Let’s clean this up before they recover.”

Gato unsheathed his sword as he spoke. Without a second’s hesitation, he bolted forward like a ronin straight out of an old samurai movie, his entire posture mimicking the dramatic charges of warriors from a bygone era. From his name to his actions, everything about him screamed Rōnin Guild.

Well, except for the fact that the sword in his hand was a rapier, which kind of ruined the whole “badass” aesthetic.

***

After securing the boss kill and looting the spoils, Do-Jin decided it was time to get the hell out.

The first reason was Theresa’s injury. A mangled leg wasn’t something a potion or a low-level healer’s magic could fix. Even Regenians, actual players in the game, would have had a hard time healing a wound like that without the aid of a high-tier healer from an adventurer’s guild branch or a temple.

And the second reason? If the scent of a boss kill attracted the wrong kind of bastards, things were going to get real messy. The deeper sections of the mine were a maze, but the passage Do-Jin had blown open wasn’t far enough in to slow anyone down. It wouldn’t take long for other hunters to stumble across the newly created path. He’d been through this shit enough times in his past life to know how that would go.

As soon as Do-Jin confirmed that Soso had stopped Theresa’s bleeding with her healing magic, he motioned toward Sang-Soo.

“Carry her,” Soso said, her eyes red and still teary as she shot Sang-Soo a glare. “If you drop her, I swear I will fucking end you.”

Sang-Soo forced a laugh. “Can you go back to your usual blank stare? Watching you all choked up is actually scaring the shit out of me.”

“Shut up.”

Do-Jin ignored their bickering and retraced his steps back through the mine. That was when it happened. A sharp, grating noise echoed from ahead. His brows furrowed, and he turned his head just in time to meet the equally tense gazes of his teammates.

Sang-Soo muttered under his breath. “That noise up front... I’m assuming it’s not from a bunch of good Samaritans clearing a path so some exhausted, injured adventurers can pass through safely...”

Do-Jin shook his head. “I wish. But if I go off personal experience, things are about to go to shit real fast.”

“Yeah, figures. Goddammit.”

Do-Jin quickly checked his mana reserves. The potion he’d chugged after the boss fight had already pushed his MP back up to 80%.

He shot a glance at Soso, who still looked on edge. “No matter what happens, we’ll get out of here.”

With that, he started moving again.

As soon as they stepped into an open clearing beyond the tunnel, a voice shouted from the other side. “Oh? Gato, over there!”

Do-Jin’s eyes locked onto Kaminari, a walking mass of jiggling neck fat and even jigglier belly fat.

Who the fuck is this fat piece of shit?

Do-Jin shifted his gaze from that Rōnin Guild scumbag to the rest of them. It was a full ten-man squad composed of a mage, two healers, and seven melee fighters. This wasn’t just a single party. It was more like an entire raid team. Judging by the way they had cleared out all the mobs in the area, they weren’t some half-assed, incompetent group, either. Even if the monster respawn had been paused thanks to the boss’s mana, their efficiency still said plenty.

If they had to fight this head-on, it would be a fucking bloodbath. At best, he could take one, maybe two or three at most, before they overwhelmed him.

As Do-Jin quickly assessed their combat strength, Gato stepped forward. “Hmm... Are there just the three of you?”

While Do-Jin had already calculated the worst-case scenario, Gato had declared this a win the moment he saw them. One woman was too injured to fight, and the three others were exhausted stragglers, clearly burned out from battle. This wasn’t just a winnable fight; it was a guaranteed massacre. Seeing his absolute advantage, Gato smirked arrogantly and pointed his sword at Do-Jin.

Sang-Soo leaned in, muttering under his breath. “There’s too many of them. What’s the plan?”

Do-Jin answered just as quietly, “On my signal, run for the exit.”

Then, he turned his gaze back to Gato. “You’re pointing a sword at me, so I assume you want a fight. I’m guessing it’s because of the boss kill message?”

Gato smirked, nodding as if Do-Jin had just said something painfully obvious. “Of course.”

“And what if we weren’t the ones who killed it?”

“Oh, we’ll find out soon enough once we gut you open and check. Don’t take it too personally. There aren’t many deaths more meaningful than dying to the blade of Rōnin Guild’s Swordmaster, Gato.” He grinned like a savage.

Right on cue, the rest of his guildmates burst into arrogant laughter, sneering at their prey. However, Do-Jin stared back at them, unimpressed.

What the actual fuck is wrong with these clowns? Honestly, it’s kind of a relief. When you need to buy some time, it’s always better to be dealing with dumbasses too in love with their own bullshit.

He had met plenty of these roleplay-obsessed dipshits in LOST, but it had been a while since he’d run into some this bad. They were lining up, grinning like cheap-ass villains straight out of a bargain bin tokusatsu show[1].

“Hehe. Gato, do we really need to waste all our energy on trash like this? I alone am more than enough,” Kaminari quipped.

With that one-liner, the peak of their stupidity reached new heights. A pig-shaped excuse for a human took a step forward, smugly adjusting his glasses that were practically being swallowed by the layers of his own flesh. One of his chubby fingers twirled a dagger in an obnoxious display, while his clumsy-ass footwork made it look like he was dancing on a rickety wooden plank.

Do-Jin winced, not out of fear, but in physical pain from how much secondhand embarrassment he was experiencing. To make things even worse, the other teammates started hyping him up.

“Ooooh! As expected of Kaminari, the Gray Phantom of Rōnin Guild!”

The sheer cringe made Do-Jin feel like he was going to vomit. He forced down the rising feeling in his throat and stared at the walking pile of human garbage in front of him.

“Oi, this benevolent lord shall grant you pathetic worms a chance at survival. Step forward one by one and challenge me. If even one of you manages to defeat me, I’ll let you all go.”

Do-Jin’s lips curled in disgust. “Damn, this really is a doomed timeline. Guess it makes sense that Lostania’s on the brink of collapse if a fucking slab of meat that should be hanging in a butcher’s shop is standing here running his mouth.”

“W-what did you just say?!”

LOST’s flawless translation system delivered every last ounce of his insult straight into Kaminari’s thick skull. No matter how much he had tweaked his avatar settings, maxing out the limits of height and weight adjustments, the fact remained that Kaminari was incredibly obese. For a guy like him, that kind of insult cut deep.

“Y-you bastard...! Take that back! Take it back right now if you don’t wanna die, you son of a bitch!” Face turning red with fury, Kaminari stomped the ground like a tantrum-throwing toddler.

Do-Jin glanced down at the trembling floor beneath his feet and twisted the knife. “Shit, is there an earthquake? Why does the ground feel like it’s shaking?”

“YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD!” Kaminari’s voice cracked as he roared.

He jabbed a chubby finger toward Do-Jin’s party members. “None of you better move! If any of you get in the way while I’m carving that bastard to pieces, my guildmates will slaughter every last one of you!”

The taunt had landed perfectly, so it was time to start dragging this idiot along and stalling for time.

With that in mind, Do-Jin called out to the fuming Kaminari. “Hey.”

“Hmph. Speak your last words, I’ll at least grant you th—”

The moment Kaminari opened his mouth, Do-Jin triggered his already prepared spell. A razor-sharp wind blade tore through the air, slicing across Kaminari’s thick neck. His face instantly scrunched up in shock.

“You sneaky little shit!”

Kaminari charged forward. The distance between them was still decent, but he didn’t care. There was no way these outnumbered bastards could refuse a one-on-one duel, so his guildmates didn’t need to interfere.

This meant only the mage in front of him posed any threat. For a rogue-class player like Kaminari, going up against a solo mage was nothing more than child’s play. What was even better was that this guy was exhausted from a boss fight. What a free fucking meal.

His casting speed’s not bad, but his main element seems to be wind. As long as I dodge another one of those, I’ll have this in the bag!

All he had to do was be careful around one or two well-aimed spells. Mages were worthless in close quarters. At least, that was what Kaminari thought until the ground suddenly shot upward.

“Huh?”

Kaminari twisted his body to avoid the worst of it, but he still got clipped along the side.

What the fuck?! That cast speed—!

Before his shock even had time to settle, Do-Jin was already casting again. The moment Kaminari barely managed to regain his balance, a Frozen Arrow shot toward him.

As soon as he dodged, another came. When he batted that one away, there was another. Then another. Not only were the attacks fast, they were relentless. He barely had any room to move, and his feet felt glued to the ground.

Kaminari scrambled around like a clown in a pitiful attempt to avoid getting hit. He clenched his teeth, trying to close the gap, but Do-Jin denied him at every step.

“Kugh...”

A Frozen Arrow slammed into his stomach. His reaction was a fraction too slow. The system kicked in immediately, calculating the shock and pain, and before he could fight it, his entire body locked up.

“Kaminari-kun!” A distressed voice pierced the air.

Hiromi rushed in, casting a heal. The rest of their watching guildmates finally snapped out of their trance and prepared to jump in. The whole thing was rather embarrassing, like they were trying to recreate some dramatic shounen anime scene. They even sounded like they were reading off an actual script.

Do-Jin had seen his fair share of roleplay-obsessed dipshits in this game, but watching these clowns pull this shit while also being his enemy made it ten times worse, not that he cared.

Since Kaminari was still on the ground, struggling to get up, Do-Jin decided to light a mana cigarette and take it slow. He might as well get a buff going while waiting for this idiot to flail his way back to his feet.

Then, through ragged breaths, Kaminari glared at him and muttered. “Don’t look at me like that...”

Do-Jin exhaled a thin stream of smoke. “What?”

Kaminari’s eyes burned with something far nastier than anger. “I said, don’t fucking look at me like that. Just because you’re tall and good-looking, don’t you dare look down on me, you smug little shit! I’ll carve that fucking face of yours to pieces!”

Kaminari’s inferiority complex exploded, fueling his movements as he lunged toward Do-Jin even faster than before. Before he could close the distance, however, a golden shimmer rippled around Do-Jin.

“Thanks for wasting my time, pork chop. But playtime’s over.”

Kaminari didn’t even have time to get angry. “W-wait—”

Do-Jin wasn’t holding back anymore. The Frozen Arrows that had been coming one at a time now flew in bursts of three. Three became five, and five turned into a full-on storm. Three arrows slammed into Kaminari’s body, sending him staggering.

“Kaminari!”

The members of Rōnin Guild, who had been riding their own high just moments ago, began to lose their minds. They were so caught up in their own farce and so drunk on their supposed superiority that they had forgotten to take action.

After finally snapping back to reality, they all rushed in to attack, but Before they could even reach Do-Jin, the ground shook violently.

BOOM.

At this point, Kaminari was barely standing as he let out a pained grunt. Meanwhile, massive numbers of Iron Golems spawned in at once, surrounding the Rōnin Guild. The mana released from the boss’s death had triggered a massive respawn event, flooding the battlefield with monsters. It was exactly why Do-Jin had wasted time toying with them.

Fucking morons. If they had just swarmed us with all ten from the start, we’d be dead by now.

He was well aware that people in positions of power always wasted time enjoying the moment instead of securing the win until it was too late.

Without a moment to spare, Do-Jin said to his party members, “Run. We’ll finish this up once we’re out.”

1. A Japanese genre of live-action film and TV that relies heavily on special effects. ☜